What do you mean when you say AS is part of who you are?

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Yes, they are given insufficient attention by the behaviourists. I lived most of my life thinking that everyone else had the same hypersensory sensations that I did - though it is very curious to reflect on that now - I thought they experienced it but had something in them that increased their tolerance and adaption to it that I lacked. I didn't know I was on the spectrum then...

Assuming that someone has the right script and is a good enough actor to follow it perfectly.

That is the trouble everyone does have a different perception of the world...not really sure how to explain an exact difference in how autistic vs. neurotypical people perceive the world, too many variables between individuals. Also I suppose I more feel I share symptoms and traits with others on the spectrum not necessarily a similar 'perception'...for instance I have sensory issues so sensative to light/noise which is common on the spectrum but two autistic people with sensory issues could have differing perspectives on how to handle it, or how they feel about it....if that makes any sense. Also due to symptoms causing us to come off as being different/weird to others many of us have experienced bullying and ostracizsm which can effect how one sees the world....fellow people who have experienced that may be able to empathize better than someone who never really dealt with that(but then not all autistics suffer that treatment, there are neurotypicals who get it pretty bad to). Maybe perception wasn't quite the term.....though I'd say having autism can lead to one developing a different perception that they otherwise would have due to how the autism effects their behavior/experiences.

What really gets to me sometimes is people chewing....or other mouth noises. I really hate it just about drives me insane but I don't want to be a jerk and scream at the person to stop eating or complain at them because they swallowed too loud and I heard a saliva noise. It's not so bad if there is other distractions and I am not right next to anyone eating....its the worst when my brain really zones in on it though to where I cannot ignore it. Or a worst one which I am not sure I or the other parties should be more embarrassed about but making out/kissing noises like even if its not particlarly excessive...there have been times I am around family/friends with their SO and they go at it a little and it grates on my ears even have gotten nausea like I want to go puke because of hearing it. But yeah I really see nothing wrong with intimacy, but I cannot stand hearing it going on between two other people...though intrestingly enough when I've had relationships and took part in more intimate activities noises don't bother me.

I'm the same way with sounds of people eating. Even my cat eating bothers me.

Being an aspie colors everything i think, say, and do. and it's also part of childhood memories because i was obsessed with nature and animals, especially cats. i remember that mountain coming toward me, blue, as my parents drove me and my siblings to our grandparents' house for a visit. i remember watching hypnotized as palmtops swayed. i remember the rain and the sea, drawn to water being a common autistic trait.

it's why animals like me better than most people. it's why dogs that dont let anyone pet them let me. it's my love for animals and music. it's what makes me unique and strong and more intelligent. it's interesting quirks and super focuse whatever i want until i get what i want. detemination and independence. and that's why i dont want to change.

I think the other posters have given excellent explanation of why ASD's are part of us. And you have given good explanation of the costs to marriage and careers of not adapting. What is missing from this discussion so far is the cost of suppressing natural parts of ourselves to get the rewards of society's acceptance. A poster awhile back had a good comparison. Most adults suppress the need to pee until they get to an appropriate place. The longer they suppress the stronger the urge gets. After awhile you will need to put forth so much energy to suppressing the urge that it will interfere with other activities Inevitably things will break down. If you are born with a small bladder this is more difficult and becomes stressful mentally. Do I not drink so I can make it through a class? That will work by but will cause dehydration. Also constantly holding large amounts will damage the bladder.

Urination is one behavior. Suppressing ASD involves many traits, constantly doing things we are not good at. It is a 24 hour 7 day a week effort. Some just can’t, thus the meltdowns, shutdowns. Some who are mild and with high will power can do it and do it for years. But it is a life of constant stress and anxiety and feeling on the edge of breaking down. Eventually everybody will break down. But the cost of going totally against society is is very high with tremendous stresses of it’s own . Autistics are put in a no win situation. Constant decisions over when and how much to suppress

Asperger's is part of me in that my brain is wired differently that the brain on NTs, and that affects almost all of my life. I have learned to do better socially than I did growing up, and can function in the NT world for the most part, but it takes more work for me than for others. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be a NT, and then I realize that I can't really conceptualize that at all. There is no way I can really imaging what it would be like to be more social, to want to be around people more and to feel comfortable in social situations. I can't really imagine it because it has never really happened to me, and probably never will.

I was talking with a colleague at work the other day (we have a few counselors in my academic department) and she actually thought that Asperger's has some benefits for me. She thought that given my level of intelligence, that if I had really good social skills I might come off as very arrogant in the classroom and really put people off. Never thought of that before. I have to believe also that if I didn't have Asperger's I would have done much better in the social world, especially in the area of dating and relationships, and the end result would be that somehow I wouldn't have ended up with my wife because I would have been unavailable when I met her, or would have different (probably much more superficial) standards for what I want in a partner and relationship, and wouldn't have ended up in a relationship with her. That is one part of my life that I just can't imagine-not being with the person who I so incredibly love, and is so incredible to want to be with someone like me.

I was talking to my boss the other day (she goes to the same Church as us) and she said "Can't you tell by the way your wife looks at you in Church that she really adores you" and I am thinking "you really don't get this Asperger's stuff, do you? Of course I can't figure out what her expressions and looks mean, I am an ASPIE!"

Then you're lucky to have found someone who suited you the way you are. As long as she was (and is) what you were looking for (and has proved your expectations), then, of course, your Asperger's turned out to be a blessing. In my current situation, however, putting upon myself a diagnostic label (such as Asperger's) would limit my chances of meeting the type of a young lady I'm interested. They are picky enough even now that I don't have any official diagnosis; so I can only imagine what my chances of winning their hearts would be like, should I become a "certified Aspie". I just can't afford playing with fire like this.

The thing is, if you're autistic, you're going to be autistic whether or not you have a label for it. You're going to stand out as different in any relationship you have, just like you do in life, and maybe even confuse a potential partner. Not sure what 'the type of young lady' it is you're talking about, but why would you want to be with someone who would be bigoted against who you are - whether or not you have a 'label'? That sounds like a recipe for disaster.

AS is the connecting thread in my life, it is the answer to the 'why(s)'. My reaction here; decision there...why something fits or why it is repelled. When I look back and recreate the steps, almost back to my first memories, AS is this cloak over everything. I see it/feel it differently today but I can see the movie of it is a narrative of an AS perspective. Many days are nothing but an asperger's day. Hard to explain.

It is a part of who I am, it IS who I am. Why should I have to change just to suit the masses view of the world?

What?!

I, uh,... what?

I think it would behoove you to reframe your mindset a tad. If you aren't comfortable with yourself, then you really shouldn't be trying to date anyway. You clearly are not comfortable with yourself if you want to avoid a label and think of it as "playing with fire" if you were to pursue diagnosis.

As others have said, the label is arbitrary. Your mind works the way it does regardless of if you have a name for it. If you're not okay with this, you need to focus on yourself before looking outward. It's as simple as that.

Yes, me too.