Undiagnosed, looking for some information!

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Hello!

I don't know where I should put this post as I'm new, but I guess that this is also a "general discussion" topic.

I'm new to this forum. Yes I am undiagnosed, you might think, oh there's a new wannabe aspie who watched Big Band Theory, or thinks that Aspergers is the new trend for the shy and awkward. But that's not 'really' the case.

I am sure that my new uni friends and acquaintances wouldn't see me as an aspie. I have changed quite a lot in the last few years, made an effort to be more sociable, went out of my confort zone A LOT to fit in, and succeeded somehow, which I'm grateful for.
However I stumbled across a description of Aspergers and immediately recognised myself, mostly as a kid.
I wasn't a shy kid. I was quite loud and spoke my mind. But I never felt accepted because I wasn't. In kindergarden I was bored, I could already read, read dinosaur books (I was obsessed), refused to play with others and constantly annoyed my teacher. (She often yelled at me for being arrogant and not normal, and a bad child because I didn't want to conform to her 'playing rules'). I also got panic attacks whenever others touched my hair, and I didn't let anyone touch me after I fell for example. I still can remember when I hid another girl because she asked me if I was ok... As I grew up I was bullied, I was the freak. I got good grades but didn't do anything. Never played with others. They all annoyed me for not being logical. I also had a lot of strange allergies and had not very good health. Constantly rashes and being sick. High school didn't really change much, I was awkward had serious trust issues and was also agressive when I felt like not fitting in. I mostly didn't understand what others wanted. Why would they go out? Why did they have 'crushes'? But then I got some friends and tried being more 'sociable'. I was still the quirky tomboy, but I learned to interpret others and myself. Now I'm at uni, it's still difficult to process everything but I made a lot of progress. I see social life as a kind op discipline now, like a subject you learn at school, and I've become more comfortable with expressing my emotions and understanding others. I can 'blend in' but I still feel like not fitting in or missing the point when everyone else is laughing...

Besides all of that, I play the piano, the guitar, write and draw a lot (everything self-taught). I study linguistics and am interested in maths. I like routines, but have pushed myself a lot lately to become more spontaneous.
I hope I didn't offend anyone, because I'm undiagnosed. I'm thinking about seeing someone to talk about all of this. I didn't cover my whole life, but just those things that I remember, that came to my mind first. I'm new to this and looking for some answers and want to get to know myself a bit.

Never worry about that. I don't think anyone here thinks being autistic is at all fashionable or popular. Many folks here are self-diagnosed so you're not likely to be judged by making that leap yourself, if you do. Welcome to WP.

Welcome to the gang. I'm pretty sure most normal people would consider autism "cool" up until they have to actually deal with the people who have it.

There are plenty of aspies who have been diagnosed from youth, but I assume many of us just happened to stumble upon the concept through Wikipedia (have you checked it?) or an offhand remark by a peer. Whether or not we've had a formal checkup since is secondary - it's typically a process of identifying things that seem "off" about ourselves, maybe skimming through some of the literature. Reading your autobiography, it seems quite clear to me that something's up; might be AS, might not. A real diagnosis is something to aim for if you really want to be sure. Personally I'm comfortable either way - knowing that I'm not neurotypical is enough, and my AS (which is probably quite mild in comparison to some other members') doesn't often interfere with what I really enjoy doing.

Also, fix'd the title for you.

There's a sticky on top of this forum with links to a few online tests you can do. If you answer truthfully and your introspection isn't too bad, you can get a pretty good idea if you're aspie or not. If you don't trust your own introspection, maybe ask another person who knows you really well, like a parent or best friend, what they would answer for those questions for you.

This thread: viewtopic.php?t=113459

If you passed most of those tests with flying colors it might be worth it to seek further diagnosis. HTH.