NTs saying "you just need to get laid".

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Of course it would depend who was saying it.

Beauty's only a light switch away

Like the OP, I find it ironic that the "You need to get laid" people in general get less than I do.

I had the same experience growing with the same results. I have a phobia of women, and I have learned not to ask women for ANYTHING, which precludes asking women out on a date even if they show signs of being attracted. What has worked for me to get better is doing what psychologists call exposure therapy. I made a personal commitment to be open to relationships with women (not sexual or romantic relationships, just ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP). I went from consciously avoiding all unnecessary interactions with women to actually having female friends and comfortable work relationships and acquaintances with women. At some point in the future (when I get some extra money) I will actively start looking for a partner. Eventually I'll be able to have an intimate romantic relationship with a partner. One step at a time I am conquering my fear. Good luck to you. Don't get discouraged. It takes a long time for us Aspie males to figure out sex and romance but it can be done.

Well I have heard/read that sex can help relieve stress....so I guess on a very basic level there may be a small amount of truth to it. But to claim someone who's really going through a hard time or is experiencing very strong emotional turmoil just 'needs to get laid' is ignorant at best, its not a cure for real distress by any means.

If someone is having a problem in their life that has nothing to do with sex, then having sex is not going to help them with that problem, other than distracting themselves for a period of time. Sex won't help with relationship problems either. I have a feeling that if I figure out how to ask girls out, I will just have one disappointment after another, because I doubt that it would last. However, it would be a lot better than nothing at all. I really enjoy when a woman appreciates me.



I'm not sure how to go about doing exposure therapy. I've been going out in public a little bit with my shirt off, and the first time it was horrible, but after getting a few compliments on my appearance, I feel a lot more comfortable without a shirt on in public. However, the only problem I have is that I don't how to specifically ask a girl out. I mean, if a woman shows signs of being attracted to me, can I just say that I think she looks amazing if I think she looks good, and just ask if she would like to hang out? I don't know what to say, and if I did, there wouldn't be an issue.

I agree. That was very well said. I've been in a situation where I was dealing with emotional stuff and one girl told me that I just needed to get laid. I wasn't too impressed and I actually stopped hanging out with her.

You don't need to do anything you don't want to. As if having sex was some kind of magical experience that transforms people like out of some badly-written fantasy novel or something.

Gee, that sounded really prudish and uptight. Guess I need to do it. Who cares about pregnancy, HIV, or that I might be asexual?

I think different people experience sex differently. I don't get much out of it. It's pleasurable but does not bring the stress-release implied by the idea of, "You just need to get laid."

I know other people get a lot out of it though. Something about the intimate touch that calms them down and evens them out.

Different strokes for different folks.

For me the appropriate phrase would be, "You just need to be alone and absorbed in one of your special interests." People and touch upset me. I only feel at peace when I'm alone.

I heard that a lot at times but I'm sort of on the asexuality spectrum.

As rude as the "you just need to get laid" statement may sound, I found it to be very true for me. I found that having sex, or making out, or even just raunchy dancing, evens me out and calms me down. From a few days to a few weeks after, depending on the act that took place. It always puts me into a state of mellow bliss, the kind NTs spend most of their lives in, due to their brain wiring. My friends like it when I get laid, because it makes me a whole lot easier to be around.

Ironically, the effect is strongest when I have sex with an escort; I feel pumped up and super-happy, and at the same time, very chilled out. Sex with a girlfriend knocks out my anxiety, but makes me feel listless, emotional, and awkward the next day.

No, I do not need to get laid. Nor do I want to get laid. Yes, asexuals exist, and no, you cannot magically turn me into a non-asexual; it doesn't matter how sexy you think you are. It's not you, it's me. Really. Jeez. Get the point already. (It's not like people are actually trying to seduce me everywhere I turn; it's more that there are a few here and there who simply don't believe I could possibly be uninterested in sex and feel like they have to assign themselves the mission of convincing me I'm missing out. This is, needless to say, highly annoying.)

That said, if NTs really knew us all that well, they wouldn't say, "You need to get laid," when we're grumpy; they'd say, "You need to lock yourself away with your special interest for at least 24 hours."

My experience is you don't have to say anything special. If a girl is interested, many times she'll ask you out if you give her the opportunity (basically by just say hi and striking up a conversation.)

If you want to ask a girl out, I've heard that going for coffee is understood to be a date. If you are interested in a girl, perhaps you can ask her out for coffee. Try to do it at the end of a pleasant conversation with the person.

"coffee"
NTs say "You should get laid." to each other because because most of them have someone to get laid with. But you don't need to get laid if you aren't horny. And if you are, you can fap instead.

I have no idea how to strike up a conversation.