Trying to be friends with people... should I even bother?

Post Reply New Topic

It hurts too much when friends leave

Shift gear into 'aspie drive'...go:

I honestly believe that in this day and age, having 'friends', being 'liked' and being 'popular' is just way overrated and overdone!

You see this on Social Networking sites, where there's this huge competition between peers to see who can get the most 'friends' and the most 'likes', often ending up in depression or even suicide if they fail.

Unfortunately, this also spills over into their real-life associations and relationships.

People become so petty and so shallow in their efforts to 'find friends'...often agreeing with people they disagree with, or taking on hobbies they particularly dislike, just because they are 'popular' and they may make 'many friends' by doing so...even though they have absolutely nothing in common with them.

Putting any effort into 'trying to be friends' is a total waste of time, imho. They either accept you for who/what you are, or they do not.

Suffice to say, I have no friends because I refuse to be a shallow 'yes woman' to anybody and I also refuse to live up to another persons unrealistic expectations, nor will I account for any actions I take or explain any aspect of my private life in detail to anybody either. I'd rather keep it to myself.

When ever I go out to a party and put on my 'airs and graces' to try and fit in and socialise, I feel like the biggest phony and hypocrite out there..

...so what would I know about any of this?

Hmm... alot of interesting thoughts and opinions in this thread now. Much to think about...

Yeah, that's probably true. I'm aware that I have a negative and dark personality, and it appears that this just doesnt mesh well with people sometimes, but... I refuse to try to be something that I'm not. How draining that is! I cant keep up the pretense of "normal" for very long at all, which I suspect is also the case with many people in this place. And honestly, when I see what many parts of normal society is like, I dont want to try that anyway. Alot of it seems so.... "fake" to me, if that makes any sense.

Still, there are times when I wish I could better filter out stuff I say *before* I say it. That's alot easier on the Net at least, where I have time to examine posts I make or whatever before they're actually readable by anyone else. But IRL.... yeah, cant do that. Say something and it's just too late to take it back.

That being said, what few friends I have are extremely accepting individuals, they put up with my general weirdness and negativity (which can also cause humor that deflates it a bit at times, since I'm *very* sarcastic all the time) and they understand my need for space and seperation; they dont try to push me into coming over or doing things with them too much. Sometimes they might state that they'd like to do something with me (typically once or twice during each week), but they only state it once, and wont start repeating it or getting angry if I'm not ready to do it at that time. These are people I've known for a *very* long time.

But.... yeah, it's definitely FEW friends rather than a real group of them. It really just seems so very hard to find anyone with those qualities, and I guess that's a huge part of what makes it so frustrating, to push so many people away every time.





Huh, you sound alot like me with those views. I do alot of the same things: I'm not just going to agree to everything, or lie to someone just to make them feel better; how can anyone LEARN anything from that? That always seems to be just an extremely temporary solution that never ACTUALLY helps them. It almost seems kinda mean to me, yet it's the way things are supposed to go, according to most. I just refuse to do that sort of thing. To me, it's just... not right.

And I'm not even going to get into the whole "party" thing. I just plain dont go, on the very rare occaision that there is one. With a couple of exceptions, that are mostly Christmas parties among family; those are important enough that I do make the effort to go to them when I can.

But yeah, I just cant act fake like that and just dont want to be so shallow in that way. I really dont understand, and probably never will understand, why people do that and why they think it's the right thing to do. I just dont get it.





Hmm, allright, I'll take you up on your offer then, why not. I've indeed decided to not give up on all of this after considering alot of the stuff in this thread here.

I don't bother in real life friendships, this excludes family friends or people I make acquantances with if I work, obviously i've only done work experience so these friendships aren't proper friends at all just people to get to know for a few weeks and thats it. So in other words I haven't really had friends in my life, but on the internet and online games I suppose I have a few people on my friends list and stuff, bah who needs friends anyway.

The question isn't should you bother, but how much should you bother. As the overwhelming majority will end up forming some kind of friendship. It's part our nature.

The second question depends on you and what you want out of life. Do friendships make sense to you? Do you handle them well? Do you get a lot out of them? Etc.

For me, it's like talking to people about food, and everything has a different flavor for me then it does everyone else. People just don't see things the same way. To a mild degree that's fine but when it's excessive it becomes a severe complication. I'm also not at a good place in my life which makes it a lot easier to have meltdowns.