When NTs say "oh I'm like that too"

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Part of the reason I don't talk to anyone about it

I would love that. Yeah, I've been in and out. Been away for awhile. I see you are a mod now. That is awesome!

I haven't been in this situation much because I don't usually talk about my neurological problems or sensory problems or things like that. If I do bring it up, it's usually at the point where I've had a meltdown or done something weird, so about the last thing people want to do is identify with me. lol

But sometimes I have mentioned things to people and after hearing me explain it they would realize they have similar issues and just never had a name for it before. Especially with auditory processing difficulties which I think are not that unusual.

I've noticed ADHD has gone from being a disorder people deny and say is not real, to being one that nearly everyone identifies with. Which makes sense because all of the symptoms of it are normal things that everyone experiences. What they don't understand is that people who have the disorder have much more severity of those symptoms, and a pervasive pattern of difficulty functioning due to those symptoms.

If I bring up ADHD symptoms, people automatically relate and say "oh me too" to a lot of things. And I feel frustrated because I don't think they really understand how much more severe it is if you have the disorder, or how much more effort it takes to do the things they take for granted.

When it comes to sensory problems, no one gets it because I can be sitting there seeming to be totally fine, while inside I just feel absolutely miserable, like my whole body is under attack and my brain is going to explode.

Usually if I get to the point of even mentioning something, there is a serious problem, but I have a hard time really conveying that or getting someone to take it seriously. I feel like I have to be at the point of absolutely breaking down before anyone takes me seriously at all.

I think people just have a tendency to gloss over things, like they think if you can just be positive then you'll get through it and see that it's not so bad. Things might work that way sometimes, or for some people, but for me this strategy more often leads to disaster.

What gets me is when people try to identify with having trouble keeping their house in order. I'll say something about my house being a mess, and they'll be like "mine is too", but what they mean is maybe two pieces of paper or a pair of shoes is left out. I know because I've stopped in from time to time unexpectedly. Their houses are immaculate. My house is a disaster. But neither do I want to *explain* what my house looks like and how hard it is to keep it up because it is embarrassing. It seems no adult should have this kind of trouble keeping things in order.

I get a lot of stuff done, but it is at the expense of my housework because it is SO HARD. I can only keep things in order if it is the *only* thing I have to do. Once another responsibility is entered into the equation (watching kids, working, etc), that's it. The house falls apart. Even when I am at my best, my house gets to be as good as a normal person's worst.

I like your housework example, because it illustrates something important: you can get the same outcome from more than one cause, in this case a messy house. There are lots of possible causes to that outcome - not enough time, too many other priorities and demands, can't be bothered, or not important in someone's own personal scheme of things.
Priorities are choices; people choose how to spend their time. The executive function challenge that many on the spectrum contend with isn't a choice, any more than their eye colour is. And this is what the NT messy house I am like that too person doesn't see and doesn't get.

In my experience, NTs will blame the messy house on any one or multiple reasons that you listed, not on executive function difficulties. I've been shamed for a messy house more times than I can count - obviously I'm lazy or don't care enough about my house to make it enough of a priority to keep it in shape. It is similar to the reasons why Aspies are the way they are - obviously selfish and rude, etc. Those with various sensitivities might be considered a prima donna of sorts, needing special treatment. People don't understand the underlying cause and make judgements based only on what they see.

^^ So true. Exactly this.

If sensory issues was an issue for those neurotypical people too, then they wouldn't be ok with staying in a room full of voices and sounds and lights, and they'd need to go out and remove themselves from that situation, just like I do (whenever it's possible). Instead, they keep staying there, participating, making more noise and not giving a damn.

NerdyGirl: You and I would get along well. My house is a disaster or epic proportions. It is nearing hoarder status in some rooms, and that is WITH painstaking effort in cleaning. I completely understand. I have a (life long, NT, best) friend who says "Sorry the house is a mess", and I look around and don't even understand what she is referring to. Serious confusion results from those exchanges, and I just look at her, and she laughs, and usually acknowledges the differences in 'clean' status in our houses.

It is very difficult, frustrating, and depressing. It is my BIGGEST 'adult' struggle. I know I COULD keep the house clean if I devoted all of my time to it, but the thought makes me nauseous, and makes me want to cry at abandoning all the things I am interested in for mindless, monotonous, tedious upkeep.