why cant NT accept us for who we are

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I feel that it varies very much depending on the person and situation.

In everyday interactions -- small talk, etc. -- I'm so clumsy and self conscious that the reactions of others cause me pain. I'll say something that I think is friendly and their expressions will go cold. It seems I can't get the inflections and timing right.

When I'm dealing with smart people and discussing something substantive, on the other hand, I do great. And sometimes I do OK with casual encounters and chat. It really varies.

I'm most comfortable with techie or highly educated people. Many are BAP or Aspies themselves. And also, with situations that don't have social uncertanity. So I'm OK with the dental assistants at the dentist's office, say.

I really do get down about it.

I would like to go a little deeper into this if you'd indulge me. Among the different possibilities you mentioned, what about that person or about you would cause a particular possibility to play out? That is, what about that person (or indeed about you) would cause you to become sad or vengeful or make fun of them etc...?

Sad: When I feel like there's not much I can do about it, I know it's wrong, and I did nothing wrong, and especially if I kind of feel bad for the rude/oppressive person for feeling driven to act that way.

Vengeful: I rarely get vengeful, but it tends to happen if the lower-status person thinks that fighting back on nearly-equal terms, challenging the rude/oppressive person's higher status, is an option.

Stockholm Syndrome (reframing it as positive or fair): If the rude/oppressive person shames me for something that other people have shamed me for in the past, I assume that it's because I'm the problem, not because the person is trying to use that thing against me to leverage power.

Making fun of, gossiping about, calling a narcissist or sociopath: Usually when the person is very far above me socially and very far removed from me emotionally, such as a political or business leader, but may happen with loved ones who are both difficult to change and difficult to feel bad for.

If somebody doesn't accept you then just forget about them. You shouldn't have to pretend to be somebody that you're not.

A different way to look at this is why are you isolated, rejected and unhappy. For me, the reasons have become obvious. My lack of understanding of the social emotional norms of society make me stand out. The frequent mistakes that escalate into conflict makes people keep away. My inability to handle conflict makes me unwilling to talk to people about problems in an appropriate manner. The list goes on.

Some of you are very lucky to have close friends, partners and family. Others are not so lucky.

Some of us are on the outside looking in.
Others are on the inside looking out.

Find peace with yourself and the struggle gets easier

I used to ask myself that through secondary school. Most the class knew I had AS because when I got diagnosed somebody blabbed it out to everyone in the class (maybe they thought it would help them accept me or something).

But I was still left out and rejected by them. I wasn't really that different, I just needed self-confidence and a group of decent friends to accept me into their group and perhaps teach me some rules on how to be a regular teenager (like how to look "cool", how to put on make-up, etc).

Things are a little better now as an adult, but it might be because I don't lack many social skills so I can just about fit in. I am not popular, and I am shy and have social anxiety, so I will always find socializing a bit challenging, but I can read people easily.

When I was at secondary school I was always unsure on how to make friends who wanted to be with me. It wasn't that I was oblivious to hidden social cues, because I could tell when kids wanted to hang out with me and when they didn't, just by their body language. But I wasn't sure on what I should do. Maybe I wasn't always on their wavelength. Sometimes I was, other times I wasn't.
But I hated being on my own at school. I wanted to hang out with people. So I latched myself onto the other girls in my class. Sometimes they let me, other times they ignored me, but I always felt like I was just tagging along, which I was to avoid being alone.
I did feel like I was a pest. And it hurt, because I didn't want to be a pest. I just hated being alone.

Interesting thanks.

Was thinking about this and the way NTs gossip but the off-topic would be better suited to PM.

Because typically the majority of NTs are intolerant and judgemental.

Yeah, but what do we owe NTs?

Nothing, except it's their world (they have an overwhelming majority).

NTs dominate the planet, they don't own it like landlords own property and we ASD people are not tenants who are obliged to pay them rent - nor deference - for our right to exist here. Maybe you meant what you said in another way though, and if you meant they dominate because there are so many of them, and design things to suit NT ways, ideas and function, I would entirely agree with you.

We are one species on this planet, and the mindset of ownership is interwoven with the sad fact that homo sapiens is such an efficient species at killing, and has the most power to impose extinction on other people and other species

You're welcome to lead a solitary life. For a lot of us it seems the condition forces us to be solitary anyway. I basically haven't left my room for the past 1.5 years since I left the last startup I worked for.

I readily agree that isolation is a very painful state and if that is your situation, I really wish you better times ahead. I don't live in total isolation nor want to do so. I have adult children, grandchildren and others who are a big part of my life. Not everyone is so fortunate here, I know, and that's one of the great things about Wrong Planet, that it offers connection to all of us.

What happened at your last job? Startups can be really difficult. I have had my own experiences with failed projects and companies in the past. They can leave you in a bad place. The politics of failure is much worse than the politics of success. Luckily, I was able to walk away from that world.

Watch for the NT troll in page one. He belongs in AS Partners.