The worst thing a bully has done to you

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Though the future is bright, it's sometimes hard not to revisit the negativity of yesterday.

There's a reason why you only see me crying about my teens and not my childhood: my childhood bullies were pretty stupid and could only laugh at what I manifested on the outside, my adolescent bullies were emotionally smart, but used said emotional intelligence to use my weaknesses against me. I mean, some of them even guessed that I was gay when I was 13 despite me not saying anything and not being very flamboyant when I was younger.

This thread triggers me so hard.
The wrost thing that happened to me was in middle school to get in a fight and get punched in the eye and knocked out. It was my fault though for provoking pretty much everyone into attacking me, I was kind of a bully too. After the 7th grade and up I went to a overcrowded high school where you cant do anything without getting away with it. Explains the absense of bullies in my life.

But seriously, reading the other posts makes me so enraged....

Nowadays its everyday something happens. People are so much meaner now than when I was a child in the 1970s. I am seriously thinking about moving to another country.
I get bullied everyday no exaggeration I am a 54 year old woman HFA I was in the military for many years and was ok but was asked once in awhile how I ever got in (how was I allowed in the military my coworkers would ask) so turns out my mom destroyed my medical records-- I found out from when I was a child she worked as reception and file clerk in the Dr's office that I went to as a child. The military did request my records when I went in but I only found out years later she confessed she had done that she destroyed my records! --to what cover up my problems ? --I digress though
I get called ret*d a lot --I don't dress normal so I get called things about that I guess. Tried working with autism students and I got stressed out about it so bad. I had severe anxiety about so many things and including one of the staff telling people I was like the blind leading the blind.
now a days I do art and dog sit
I am very isolated.
I get harassed when I get groceries so I drive far to get them or else have them delivered.
I detest bullies. I wish there was a cure for that .

The worst thing that happened to me occurred when I was 11. Several boys tied me to a tree and took turns punching and kicking me. They also spit on me and threw dirt at me. They took my shoes, so I hurt my feet when I finally got away and ran through the woods.

I was bruised and scratched up. However, I wasn't too traumatized by this. I began to play mostly by myself though.

Personally, I haven't had social approval since 2009. To think that babies born then would be grade schoolers now. Not many people have been bothering me since March, but you can't just erase 7 years of being bullied.

Gotten me raped.

Who else feels like at least some of their bullying was caused by a love of negative attention? Yes, I was a victim, but I know for a fact that I wasn't entirely innocent. I have this tendency to seek the next closest thing to negative attention without consciously seeking it out, and said tendency meant that when I met new people, I ended up humiliating myself for the same reasons I humiliated myself in the past. Then the people I had just got stuck thinking of me in a certain way, and I couldn't change my persona because I was stuck with these people because they were my classmates and they already had ideas in their head of who I was, most of which were negative, and this is where my victimhood started to set in: I couldn't reinvent myself and I couldn't not be an attention-seeker because I was reacting to my environment which thought of me as an attention-seeker.

At school I got smacked in the back of the head with a rock when I was little playing in a sand box. I thought I had been hit with a sand bucket. I stood up cried and then went back to playing. A kid next to me told me my head was bleeding. I didn't believe it and checked. When I saw blood all over my hand I had a severe meltdown. I don't remember what happened after that. But sure didn't play in the sandbox after that. (It was a school for autism, so it wasn't an NT attack).

I've been pretty lucky with bullying; it was mostly emotional abuse, but I do remember in First grade being rolled over by a bike in front of teachers who did nothing. I was the "weird, always crying" kid, I guess.

[QUOTE=aja675;31275698]I've had this because of living a life with no financial problems but with no social approval until recently, and it made me feel bad that there were people in the world who were starving or financially struggling and unable to take anything for granted, while I was crying simply because my peers didn't like me. Also, I'm afraid that I'll be like this in seven years. [video=youtube;usz6LkVC17o]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usz6LkVC17o[/video][/QUOTE]

OK, I said this on another forum. So lately, I've been living a life of a NEET without many responsibilities and a life with no IRL bullies for the first time in 7 years, but my conscience has been such a bully, so it's like2 nothing changed. I feel bad that I know that I'll have to face actual responsibilities someday and perhaps people who were even worse than the people in my past, and the people in my past made me feel bad about responsibility because their idea of it consisted of managing to comply with them in group projects all the while when getting shouted at in a matter that would make anyone lazy and uncompliant, and I'm worried that will happen to me again.