Obsessing over diagnosis

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my middle kid was diagnosed with aspergers at age 9. he has an IQ of 165 and is capable of acing any class he has. he struggles with organization though. his handwriting is illegible. he didnt read until the second grade... he was unable to recognize the word 'the' from one page to the next yet the first book he read was 'Jurassic Park'... i was driving him home from school and he started talking about it... 'Jurassic Park'... i was confused and asked him when he watched the movie... he said he didn't... he read the book... stunned i asked him when... he said that morning at school...

going into more details would be moot but if he obsessed on getting straight A's, as he did when he was in 5th grade, he would... while i think the term 'high functioning' can be an easy descriptor i also think it can do a disservice to the set of problems ASD fully encompasses... by some of the criteria above i would not be considered for ASD/aspergers (i have not been diagnosed) but here i am friendless, except for my wife, for 20+ years... quit my last job as i could not handle the interactions with peers (now i know why) and have found it impossible to get into a new field so far as i am clueless when it comes to the networking part needed in just about every job...

getting the diagnosis can be possibly be both a curse and a blessing... others here will tell you their struggles... i think my road will consist of getting the help i need on specific issues in my life and not worry too much about the diagnosis on paper...

good luck with your journey...

[ I know this is ridiculous, but really the only reason I want a diagnosis is so I can stop feeling like I'm faking it.

I see, I guess the problem is that I feel like I'm faking the whole thing unless I get diagnosed. Thank you for the information.

If you study this forum, the consensus seems to be that even a diagnoses won't eliminate that particular issue.

According to the OP he is already getting the support he would with a diagnosis, so it is unlikely that cost is a factor in not getting a diagnosis.

The question of whether you are "faking it" doesn't go away because a diagnosis is routinely questioned. NTs innocently say you don't have it, either as a polite lie, trying to be helpful, or because your version of autism is different than the versions they recall. Many Aspies have family members who refuse to accept that their relative is on the spectrum. Finally, you have "Alpha Aspies" on web sites who have nothing better to do than to challenge the diagnosis of other Aspies. People turn 18 and they get nasty when they realize that they are on their own now.

What might be useful on this site is someone who is in fact an expert on all the similar disorders confused with autism.

Finally, autism in boys is a very common diagnosis these days. It is often missed if you are 50 years old. It wasn't diagnosed back then by school staff. And, may be missed today if you are a girl. Girl autism is sufficiently different from boy autism that it does get missed.

Wise words.

I have "holes" in "my Asperger's" that I find really quite difficult to square with what ASD diagnoses must mean to a wide range of people.

OP, you mention that you don't experience obvious difficulty with humour, wordplay or with reading faces. Neither do I. Not significantly, not as I perceived it. Yet I was diagnosed at 29. There is an enormous list of tendencies associated with ASD which it isn't necessary to struggle with absolutely all aspects of, in order to fit somewhere within the diagnostic limits, so long as your functioning is impaired in such-and-such a way.
It is also possible that your own assessment of your natural ability or reactions to certain things wouldn't completely match the assessment of a clinician. For example, I never had any doubts whatsoever about my ability to read facial expressions. I thought I was excellent at it, in fact. My result from a test (given in person as part of the assessment) showed that I performed below the non-ASD average, though (yet well above the ASD average - that didn't preclude diagnosis). Perhaps the test was badly designed. Or perhaps my sense of my abilities was a bit delusional. Or both. I advise you not to fixate on "holes" while you consider assessment. I think diagnosis is based on more general, broader patterns and problems than you imagine (or I imagined).

I love your username, by the way.

Wise words.

I have "holes" in "my Asperger's" that I find really quite difficult to square with what ASD diagnoses must mean to a wide range of people.

OP, you mention that you don't experience obvious difficulty with humour, wordplay or with reading faces. Neither do I. Not significantly, not as I perceived it. Yet I was diagnosed at 29. There is an enormous list of tendencies associated with ASD which it isn't necessary to struggle with absolutely all aspects of, in order to fit somewhere within the diagnostic limits, so long as your functioning is impaired in such-and-such a way.
It is also possible that your own assessment of your natural ability or reactions to certain things wouldn't completely match the assessment of a clinician. For example, I never had any doubts whatsoever about my ability to read facial expressions. I thought I was excellent at it, in fact.

Well said! I wouldn't say I'm particularly impaired, if at all, in humour, wordplay, or reading faces and/ or tone. There may be the odd incident but nothing to write home about (see figurative speech is fine too )
However, I was assessed by two clinicians and received a diagnosis because I AM impaired in enough areas to warrant one. For instance, I may be able to identify facial expressions but in a social situation I might not be looking at their face at all as my eye contact is a little off.

OP, it sounds like you're already getting appropriate help but I'd say it's worth seeking an assessment just so you can know either way. Helps towards understanding yourself and their may be additional resources you can utilise if it transpired you are on the spectrum

I talked to one of the case workers today and got all the confirmation I wanted! I'm happy I finally got the closure, thank you to everyone who encouraged me to talk about it.