Are there any benefits to being innocent?

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LydiaLovegood
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30 Jul 2017, 12:12 am

I'm 19, and while I get some dirty jokes and whatnot, I have never done it, never done drugs, never had more than a small glass of white wine.

I once had sensory overload or something at a college party and I just kinda went into the house's kitchen/laundry room because I wanted to be left alone and sort of out of the way. But some of my friends found me and tried to get me to look at them, but I just wanted to sit in the laundry room and just be out of their way and not ruin their fun.

Needless to say, after that experience, they were very adament, I think that's the right word, about keeping me away from parties. One of my friends even once LIED to me to try to keep me from finding out about a party. I've told them how stuff like that makes me feel left out and hurt, but they still keep insisting I don't go. And since I can't drive, I can't really get to those parties on my own.

I get they want to protect me and want me to be safe, which is sweet, but it makes me feel like they're treating me like a child and I don't like that. I don't like seeing their snapchat stories of them having fun at parties.

Are there any benefits to being innocent, especially at 19?



citoyenlambda
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31 Jul 2017, 12:54 am

I don't know, but I do know there are no benefits to being profligate.

I have led a sheltered life in many respects and there are many things I haven't experienced. Truth is, not everything is worth a try. People will talk about wasted opportunities, YOLO, carpe diem, etc. They'll tell you you have to try everything and be open to new experiences.

Generally, as autists, we're pretty content with a restricted set of activities and interests. There is no reason to expand your horizons beyond what you feel comfortable with. If you get sensory overload at parties, what's the point? Loud music really irritates me so I haven't been to many parties or bars either. I don't feel like I am missing much because I know that loud music is not my thing, so why would I subject myself to being in a place where music is loud?


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starkid
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31 Jul 2017, 6:35 pm

What exactly do you mean by "innocent"?



EverythingAndNothing
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31 Jul 2017, 7:27 pm

I'm about to turn 26 and I've never been to a party, tried alcohol, tried any drugs, or really done anything remotely typical of others my age. I didn't even have my first kiss until I was 21 and it happened to be with my current partner so, at 25, I've only ever kissed one person. I'm constantly told that I'm very innocent and, honestly, sometimes I feel sad about it because I feel like I've missed out on experiences that I'm supposed to have. But when I really sit down and think about it, I wouldn't actually enjoy any of those experiences. Parties with crowds sounds miserable to me, alcohol and drugs don't appeal to me because I value my ability to think too much, and being with a lot of men doesn't sound fun to me because that sounds like a lot of social and emotional stress.

So I think there's nothing wrong with not being into these things and being innocent. They might be fun to other people, but if they're not fun to you, why force yourself to do them? As I've gotten older, I'm increasingly comfortable admitting to myself that even if other people are out having fun, I'm way more happy when I'm at home with a book. I mean, if you enjoy parties, I think you should go. But if you don't, is fitting in really worth being miserable?



sun.flower
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31 Jul 2017, 9:07 pm

I remember being frustrated my family tried to shelter me for so long, but looking back and seeing what I see now, I understand...seems like the more your eyes are opened to life, the more you are opened to the hurts and pains, but I guess it could also be said you can be just as open to the beauty, it's all how you view it. So I think as long as you hold a good perspective then it doesn't matter if you stay sheltered. Hope that makes sense. It's selfish of others in a way and a bit cynical to do that, to keep you sheltered. It's one thing if you are a child but once you reach adulthood, it's almost a rite of passage to be able to expand your world view. If you want to. I would get bored I think, not expanding, as I have such a raging hunger for knowledge always.



AquaineBay
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31 Jul 2017, 9:32 pm

I don't think there is anything wrong with being "innocent". I would actually prefer someone in my company that didn't do those things.(not that I would hate someone if they did.)

I hate parties especially if they have loud music, if alcohol is involved then heck no!(alcohol tastes nasty to me, and people sometimes act stupid when drunk!) By the way drugs and being around a lot of men/women is not a typical thing people go through growing up.


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CzigBot
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31 Jul 2017, 10:57 pm

I'm the same except I have no friends to invite me to parties. I guess one benefit is that you're not at risk of becoming addicted to drugs at least.