Seeking Clarity and Confidence

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Hello all,

I was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. I have been self-diagnosed for many years but experienced too much fear to fully accept and seek assistance with this diagnoses but now have been formally diagnosed. I am currently having a lot of difficulty accepting this diagnosis for the following reasons: it means that I have known my true diagnosis for many years and did nothing (admittance of my own failure), I would have to admit that my parents and teachers either did not/could not know about my diagnosis or did nothing when they were considering potential problems, I am worried how my friends, family, and coworkers will treat me, and even though the diagnosis helps me feel connected with those like me I feel ever more alone when around the NT's that are ever present in my life.

I guess what I am looking for is someone else who is high functioning and has gone through the acceptance bit of the diagnosis. I do not really have questions but am seeking reassurance, guidance, and friendship within this community of which I am newly apart.

Thank you all for your help and experience. Make it an excellent day,
Brandt H

I think there is considerable truth (and wisdom) in the adage that the truth sets people free, (St John in the gospels) and the other venerable saying of "Know thyself".

Diagnosis brings up a flood of conflicting feelings, amongst which you typically experience:

grief (for wasted time, wasted chances)
confusion (what now, how is this going to affect me)
anger (why didn't anyone realise, and if they did, why didn't they protect or try to understand me, why did they blame me so unfairly)
despair (am I never going to amount to anything as I hoped, did people laugh at me behind my back)
pain (being marginalised really hurt, even though I didn't understand why at the time. Now I am feeling that hurt in spades, all at once)

This is a journey of going through each of those, like a series of tunnels. Journalling about each one in its own book may help. During this there is a connecting period of mourning, and that takes time.

It can be helpful to make a list headed "losses and gains" - draw a line down the centre of the page and start to fill in entries. At first, typically, you will find that there are far more entries in the losses column. As you progress through to acceptance, the gains start to become more apparent. The first gain is perhaps "now I know who I am".

At the end of this - it may take 1-2 years of adapting to the new and resolving conflicts from the past - you may emerge from the tunnels into a new territory of your Self. And that's where the hope and strength is.

This is one of the great journeys of your inner life. Not all steps and stages will feel good, but they are all potentially valuable in your personal journey. You are a unique human being, and your journey will not be exactly the same as the millions that have made this journey before.

If you have not already discovered his videos and books, then I suggest you look up Tony Attwood's work. He is perhaps the most helpful voice on late diagnosis, and the issues that compound it.

All the best for your journey, bon voyage.