Do you wear a "mask" when around people?

Post Reply New Topic

Is a mask the same thing as inhibiting your Aspie traits?

I used to change the way I acted with different groups of people. Over the years I really lost who I was, perhaps never did know who I was, but over the past 3-4 years I've gradually become more comfortable with who I am. I very rarely put on a mask now, but I do keep myself to myself and try to not engage in conversation too much. I prefer my own company, but being an electrician I do have to mix with people, luckily I pretend I have to concentrate, so politely say that I must get on. When people are too engaging, unless they're creative type people, then I talk for ages about myself and art, hmm perhaps I'm still not me

No, I've never worn a mask around people. That's not to say I act like I do at home, but the idea of taking on another personality is completely alien to me. There were things I might say to a classmate that I wouldn't tell a teacher, and I might occasionally play a very small role in an interaction, but that's not how I have ever generally been around others.

Whenever I'm anywhere but at home, I tend to be extremely quiet. There have been the occasional exception, but for the most part I don't speak, and if I do speak, it's usually something relevant to the situation. I don't do small talk or fake interest in people. I just sit still and do whatever I'm supposed to be doing (or am lost in my own musings), and naturally keep to myself.
So I can be said to display the aloof nature I do have without revealing anything else.

I wish I could live without the mask, but if I want to have a job doing the things I like to do, I have to wear it.

When it slips at work, I get in trouble. People get defensive and feel like I don't value what they say, which for the most part is true.

I have often worked with people who were in positions of authority, but were not very good at their jobs, and when the mask slips, it comes across how little I value what they have to say.

The mask is there to protect them and their insecurities, because they have power in the social sphere and I do not.

Yes.
For NT's it is also about restricting controversial opinions, pretending to share common interests (sports, drinking), hiding 'weird' interests/hobbies.
Simple masks can be:
Not swearing around children or your parents, pretending to still be religious or simply not telling your parents or others that you no longer believe in the religion, god, or simply hold an alternative view.
I've done the not swearing thing.
Though it is silly, my parents need to accept me, I swear, not all the time. Its not as if they don't swear.
Also children know all the swear words especially in this internet age. They should be taught when it is acceptable to swear, that swear words are reserved for special occaisions, and if overused they lose their power & special status.
Some people are very shallow and common. They don't need to wear the mask at all. They are of a lower intellect, so their interests are restricted to the 'acceptable' common sport, drinking, gossip etc.
Thats not to say they are below average intelligence. People in that category would wear less of a mask, swear a bit more, even when they should not perhaps. Perhaps even be a bit more honest, tell people how they feel, release their emotions more freely. They would be seen as fitting the social mold, but a bit more crude.

I do this to the point of dissociation around relatives. A kind of auto pilot persona jumps in and deals with them, while I watch from the proverbial back seat. It's very weird at times. Like watching yourself do and say things, but it's not you.
It's there because everything I am to them is unacceptable - autistic, trans, queer, different.
I'd really like to get as much distance between us as I can, so I don't have to do this all the time. It's exhausting.

I have to have a mask (sometimes several) or I couldn't get through the day. Usually, the only people who see me without it are my wife and kids. I'm very lucky that my very NT wife accepts me for who I am.

I think "mask" implies hiding more than is necessarily true. I vary the emphasis I put on different aspects of my personality depending on the situation. Sometimes I step into a role or two, as the situation requires.

I have a flat affect, and I'm also aware that some of my traits make people uncomfortable. So I wear my masks, I have a vast collection.

Yes, I wear a mask at work, pretty much 90% of the time, apart from times when it's just me and my boss chatting about electric cars or strange stuff and nobody else can see or hear me. He can totally relate to a part of me and it makes me feel comfortable enough to show a bit of my true nature.

In social situations away from work I also wear my mask most of the time. Only with close friends and my daughter I can be myself, but they know I'm autistic and understand a lot.

Hiya My mask is more like when I'm with people I am not really all too comfortable with I fake smile all the time and fake laugh, so that I seem like I know what is going on in the conversation, when really everything they have said for the past however long has gone right over my head; and this pretending feels so fake and forced, and I think that's what makes me exhausted by the end of it. It's also exhausting having to keep up with conversations, especially ones where I have absolutely NO interest at all, so I'm not the best at small talk... I follow a set of lines e.g. Yeah or Oh that's cool and I hope that gets me by; but then someone asks me something and sometimes I slip up e.g. I might smile and say yes, when really that was the wrong thing to say/ do in that situation and I get looked at weirdly, so I go Oh, sorry I meant...
Sometimes my "mask" is so good that people tell me I am really confident, when really I was struggling just to get by in a conversation. And when I'm in a group of people and My "mask" is not functioning properly I feel exposed and I get anxious, because it feels like everyone is staring at me oddly because I'm not acting normal, that's when I get the intense urge to run straight out of there and ball my eyes out in an empty toilet.
I think that you're mask is something that is pretty common among people with a form of asd, because it is what helps us cope in day to day situations, but don't use your "mask" all the time, because you may begin to feel lonely because you're not allowing yourself to be you. So my advice to you is to attempt to just be yourself as much as possible, because it's only when you are able to be yourself that you can then feel happy. Also you might find like myself, that it is A LOT easier to talk to others who are just as quirky as you

I think all of my masks are defective...

Maybe part of the whole "masking" thing is that we're acutely aware of doing it whereas NT people don't realize they do it too but perhaps their "masks" are closer to their real selves.

My social mask IS quite different than the real me in that I feel like I'm the operator of a machine while I'm talking with someone with my thoughts directing me like:

"Make eye contact now. People seem to crave that for some reason."
"Smile now."
"No monotone. Inflect your voice."
"Appear interested in what they're saying."
"Eye contact again?"
"Stop eye contact."
"I think they just said something that was supposed to be funny? Respond with a courtesy chuckle."

Like operating a machine. Not fun.

I said my mask was defective because I think I'm appearing"normal". I don't think I'm being theatrical or weirdly dramatic. I'm an introvert. But I simply must be coming across as fake and weird. That's the only thing I can think of. I have to admit my mask IS fake! On a subconscious level I'm guessing NT's are more perceptive than I give them credit for?

I'm too much in my own head to really wear a mask but I just don't feel comfortable like my self around anyone including my family except for my girlfriend.

No... I kind of don't know how you do it?

If I was able to wear a mask i'd be very social and funny I think, kind of like how I wish I was, but i'm just always quiet and don't talk to people. I know some people who act very social are really anxious and worried what others think of them so they're clearly wearing a mask but I don't. I would probably have a more successful social life if I did though, but the question is how "real" would my friendships be if they were based on people only knowing me by a person I have to force myself to be? They wouldn't like me for who I am because they wouldn't know that person and i'd always have to pretend around them. Would get so exhausting.

I think that everyone wears a mask to some extent, but aspies do more than the average person because they have more socially unacceptable traits to suppress.