Unoficially Banned From Shops.

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Because I am different, secutity guards in shops assume I am a shoplifter. I can't challenge this because what do I say? I have a potential two year wait foe an assessment. I can't explain anything to them. So I find myself barred from some of the local large retail stores, and this makes me scared to enter the others incase I get the same treatment from them too.
I am too aware of my surroundings, andfine it very hard to make decisions when buying, which makes me seem like a shoplifter... The more I try not to do this the more I do it as I am panicky, so this is picked up onas well... And I can't go to the staff to explain as what can I say?

So for now, I will try to stay out if shops until I am assessed, or I will limit my visits to the smaller shops in far away towns so I can still... In the future have shops I can go to.

I am not a shoplifter. Some smaller stores I can't go in anyway as the isles make me panic. They are too crampt...

Me and shops don't always get on..

Am I unique in this?

On what grounds are you "unofficially" banned from shops?

I'm not trying to confront you in any way. And I understand that shopkeepers tend to view "eccentrics" with suspicion. I've been viewed with suspicion a few times.

Maybe we can think of ways for you to stop being "unofficially" banned.

^^ Have you ever been falsely accused of shoplifting ?

I think once because I accidentally carried an item out of the supermarket while I was getting a shopping cart.

I did shoplift when I was a child---up to 12 years old. I was caught, they threatened to call my mother, and I never shoplifted again.

When I was younger, I looked a little "eccentric"---so people would ask me if I needed "help."

Do you mean that you have been officially barred, or that you feel unable to enter because of how staff have treated you? Either way I am sorry this has happened to you.

You might be interested in an initiative called the Sunflower Lanyard. This is a lanyard you can wear to let shop workers and other staff know that you have a hidden disability. They are not common enough that they'll be recognised in all stores yet, but I know that in the UK, staff are trained to recognise them in airports, railway stations, visitor attractions and Sainsbury's and Tesco supermarkets. You can actually ask for them at customer services if you are visiting one of these locations, and they will lend you one to wear as you go around, but it would be easier to buy your own here (https://www.hiddendisabilitiesstore.com/).

You don't need to prove that you have a disability in order to wear one, so the fact that you haven't had your assessment yet is not an issue there. I know you may feel like you are not entitled to wear one until you have an official diagnosis, but the reality is that your suspected disability is preventing you from accessing services which others can access freely, and this is an issue that should not have to wait to be resolved just because the NHS doesn't have the funding to diagnose you more quickly.

It might even help just as a prop, because even if the staff at a shop don't recognise the lanyard and what it represents, you can tell them to look it up if you are confronted.

Just an idea.

Last edited by racheypie666 on 17 Sep 2019, 10:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

^ Tried that link.

https://www.hiddendisabilitiesstore.com/

^Thanks, I have edited the link in my original comment.

I sometimes take ages in shops when choosing something but I've never been accused of shoplifting. I'm automatically welcome in every shop I've ever been in. Maybe I don't look as different as I fear I do, even though I still get stared at by people.

I did get falsely accused of stealing once, a couple of years ago. But I don't think it was the way I looked. It was just a careless mistake by the shop worker, acted in an unprofessional and thoughtless way.

^ I think women are less likely to fit the profile they are looking for when they think 'shoplifter'. Lone men are typically eyed with more suspicion than lone women. What's seen as 'loitering' for a man might be 'browsing' for a woman.

I work at a shop and we are trained from the outset to be suspicious of a person if they are acting 'strange', trembling, look unkempt, not making eye contact etc. It's discompassionate BS and incredibly ignorant of all the many reasons a person might appear 'strange' besides being a shoplifter.

I have this problem too, in certain stores. It seems like mostly in stores where they tend to have a lot of shoplifting anyways. I haven't been able to exactly identify what it is about me that causes suspicion, but I know the more suspicious people are, the more nervous I get and the more suspicious I look. My friend has offered to go to the store at the same time as me and kind of observe what I'm doing that makes them think I'm shoplifting, but I haven't taken her up on that yet. I haven't been "banned" from any stores, but there are ones that someone will just follow me around the whole time I'm there.

I get followed around by security a lot too. I've often joked that I could make good money working as a "decoy" or "diversion" for shoplifting gangs. I haven't been accused of actually stealing anything, but I have been escorted out of a couple of places because they thought I was drunk/drugged or a homeless person just there to get out of the cold. I also stopped going to another place where the guard insisted that he search mu rucksack every time I tried to go in (I never saw anyone else get asked to do this). I didn't object at the time when these things happened because I was too overwhelmed (they were before I knew I was autistic, too). One of the stores did apologise and send me a few vouchers when I wrote to the manager later to complain (just as well, it was the only supermarket in the village I was living in at the time!)

I carry an 'Autism Alert Card' from the National Autistic Society (UK only) in my wallet these days - though it's crossed my mind that, in the middle of an overload, it's quite likely that I wouldn't remember to use it. I'm usually a very meek person, but sometimes, being shadowed will piss me off so much that I'll just walk straight up to them, show them my card, and ask why they're wasting their time following me. It doesn't do much good though, because most security staff are only temp workers anyway, so they don't get to know the "regulars" in the store anyway - I'm sure it used to be less of a problem in the old days when stores employed their own security staff.

I'm starting to get worried about all this talk of computer AI trained to recognise "problem" behaviours in CCTV footage. Given that some of these systems have already been shown to be racially biased, because of biases in the footage that they were trained on, I have a horrible feeling that people with conditions like ours are going to end up being profiled by dumb computer systems even more than by human dimwits.

I find supermarkets stressful. There are too many choices, and sometimes I don't know what I want, other times I know what I want but if they don't have it I am unable to form a backup plan on the spot. So I scrunch my toes up and ball my hands into fists, shift from foot to foot and stand and stare at the same spot or wander around a small area trying to make a decision. Sometimes I start crying which is very embarrassing. I don't really notice people looking at me, but I think being female is helpful in this situation as I am less likely to be suspected of shoplifting.

I'm sorry you feel like to can't go into stores, especially as it sounds like an unpleasant ordeal for you anyway. I think the lanyard would be a good idea; I recently got one at an airport, and it enabled me to go to a shorter queue through security. I have heard that security guards are less suspcious if you make eye contact, smile or speak to them. I don't know whether that's something you feel able to do, but it might help if you could.

What are you doing that makes you look like a shop lifter? I have been in lot of shops where I just look around and having troubles deciding what to buy and I have never been harassed for it.

And here in the US, people just ask you if they can help you find anything and they watch you and they may be doing their job and pretending they are stocking things or doing job security by checking their shelves and everything when in fact they are watching you. That is just a guise they are doing to watch you. It also keeps the customer on their toes so they less likely shop lift. That is why we get all the "can I help you find anything?" I believe I read this on Reddit and that explained why store employees act the way they do in shops. They do it to everyone. This has even made NTs uncomfortable because they want to look around and shop in peace than being bothered by "Can I help you?" and they can also tell they are being watched despite that they are "doing their job." And stores these days have cameras so that also helps because store employees don't have their watch their customers as much and they can watch them on camera so that way it's a win win. Just don't ever put anything in your pocket or under your shirt or jacket. That will make you look like a shoplifter. No one likes to be treated as suspicious.

Stores are better off losing some money than lose business but if you are in a bad part of town, expect to be watched. They can't afford to lose money. This is something I have noticed.

I have an issue. When I am nurvous I drink a lot of water or cola etc. This means frequent need for toilets. Well. Today I had the treatment at a new shop. It was Morrisons in Carmarthen. We sometimes go because I can use the toilet and then my Mum can buy things while I go back to the car park and wait. But it was quite plain that they don't want me shopping there. The security guard put an alarm on so when I came out the lavatory he came running up and followed mw out thw store. Then two staff members followed my Mum around the store.
I am security trained as part of my past retail training. This approach is discriminatory. We were not allowed to do this.
A few days ago we went to go in a shop called The Range in Llanelli. They gave us the same treatment as soon as we came through the door.

It all started in Tescos in Llanelli about 8 years ago. They would keep following me round the store. I would need to use the toilet first where a staff member would follow me in. Sometimes one staff member would gwt on another sholders and peer over the toilet cubicle. This happened a few times. How could I steal anything when I walked in and headed straight for their toilets? I would often hear security staff making rather rude comments about me. It all came to a head when one day I went to the loo. All I wanted were sandwiches and a drink to have something to eat while my Mum did her shopping. When I came out I picked up a packet of sandwiches, and the decent drinks are right over the other end of the store. Due to my previous training, I know the signals they make between them. I found five staff following me. I thought I would walk quickly because I was fed up of this treatment. I though walk quick. Get the drink. Go and pay for them and get out. While I walked quickly, I heard someone walk right behind me. I stopped and found a mwmber of staff had to throw himself on the floor as he was walking that close behind me he would have pushed me to the floor as well if he would not have dived sideways. I walked straight back. Put the sandwiched back on the shelf in front of another staff mwmber who saw me doing it. I went to the car to wait for my Mum.
Within four or five minutes they had the police rush up to the shop. They didn't do anything as I had not done anything wrong. As foe many years they followed me round the store with usually two or threw staff members watching my every move... I thought "Are they honestly that thick? Don't they know that if they have not seen me steal anything by now, and my clothes are all worn because I have hardly any income (And I find new clothes so uncomfortable anyway).... Don't they know I don't steal from them? I had been followed in teir stores for 20 years on and off. I even watched someone steal things by putting things down their jumper in front of the blind security staff once, and they were so intent on watching me they missed it, even though I was pointing to the thief (Who got clean away with it!)
Later I started going to Tescos store in Carmarthen instead. A further drive. But then one day I saw a Llanelli security staff member working there, and I had the same treatment there so I had to stop going.

Now only Tescos and Morrissons have toilets. So now where can I take my Mum shopping. We often go to Lidl and near there I can take a walk to a secluded shrubbery area where I relieve myself. It is not ideal, but at rhe moment, before the area is developed, at least there are hedges I can hide in to do my business.

In the late afternoons and at night if I am out driving, I have to steer away from built up areas in Wales as if I need to go, the public toilets close, and in towns there is no where. They expect people to go to pubs, but I won't go in one. I have the crowded places like that. So I find myself having to avoid whole areas if I am out and about at night. Rural areas... I know most of the hedges I can nip behind from at least South West Wales and 100 miles north!

I have not been caught exposing myself yet but it is a concern of mine. Out local toilets close between 4pm and 5pm depending on where they are. Only the dissabled toilets are open, but one needs a dissabled key to use them, and as I am not dissabled... No toilet access.

Anyway. this is a minor thing... So anyway. Morrissons, Tescos, The Range, Wilkinsone, Leeks of Crosshands and a few other stores I can no longer go in anymore. I have never stolen from them. They just don't train their staff.
A friend of mine insisted he wanted to go to Tescos whiel he was on holiday down here. I drove him there and parked in their car park while he went in the store. Straight away te police came and stood at the door and were watxhing me in the car.

When I had the Tesco event, I wrote to them to complain, and I had a very carefully worded eeply to try to find out what took place without saying anything that would incriminate them if I took them on in court. I wnoticed this straight away. It was obvious by the careful wording with the reply that they were not interested in putting things right, so I never replied.



I have made a decision not to shop myself in any large retail store. I will use smaller ones, but I am staying away from the rest. They really don't care about people.

I am sorry you are having this difficulty.

You might prepare a card in advance. On the card you might tell them:

I have autism. As a result, I find it difficult to communicate. I will take an inordinate amount of time in deciding on a purchase. I do not look into peoples eyes. If I encounter too much stress, I may have a major meltdown. You are more than welcome to follow me around the store while I shop. After all it is your store. But I am harmless and pose no threat.

In my case, I would probably walk up to them and begin a conversation. That would tell them that (since they were trying to hide), their cover was blown. I think the shock of them being uncovered would probably put them more at ease.