Fear

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I had an encounter today that reminded me of something I read re: lack of fear in some autistics.

I was walking home from the gym when I guy on a bike came up close to me on the sidewalk. I shot him a dirty look (riding on the sidewalk is illegal in NYC) and it went like this(warning, swears):

Him: what you lookin at b***h, huh? (he rides off turns around and says it again)
Me: what did you say, c**t?
He comes riding at me, circles behind me, keeps calling me a b***h then decides to bump his bike into me.
Me: giving him an ineffective side punch in the chest: what the f**k is wrong with you?
I start to reach into my bag where I carry a collapsible baton I bought several yrs ago because of a guy in my old building who liked to bully women (I was the one who decided not to take his shi& and that actually scared him off). But this guy rides off, almost getting hit by a car while I'm yelling: get back here b***h.
Fuc&*$ coward.
I would have gotten into a fight with him and even if I lost I would have attempted to beat his face in.
And, I was angry but not in the least bit fearful at the thought. In fact, I would have relished it.

When I was in grammar school I was bullied and ended up in a lot of fights. I never ran. I didn't start a fight but I always finished one brought to me even if I ended up on the ground.
Here in NYC I twice placed myself in serious danger by helping two people being attacked. Barely even thought about the fact I might end up a victim too.
I've never been afraid to travel alone even in countries where a woman should not. In one country I was mugged and beaten but I still traveled -even more-after that.

I was told by one shrink I am hypervigilant. I'm constantly "on" and prepared for anything. I've also been told it's not a good thing to have no sense of fear. But it doesn't seem to kick in under circumstances where I guess it should.

Anyone else have this non relationship with fear? or the opposite for that matter?

Interesting. I often struggle in identifying danger and don't seem to have a properly working sense of self-preservation. I'm not aggressive and don't get confrontational but I have a track record of not being able to properly recognise and asses dangerous situations. I'm going into "fight or flight" mode more often in trivial situations due to anxiety than I do if I'm being physically attacked, during an earthquake etc. Most of my fears seem to be very abstract.

I have no idea though if in my case it's autism-related, as I spent my childhood and youth with dangerous situations being a "normal" part of everyday life

I am pretty much the exact opposite haha. While I'm sure my anxiety disorder plays a part I have always been a little on the scared side. I try incredibly hard to not be in danger, going as far as to pack things that I MUST take with me everywhere in case something was to go wrong. If I realise I've forgotten these emergency things I'll begin to spiral.

However, if I am angry enough because something is unfair that fear melts away and I do things that don't make much sense in the long run, like stabbing a guy with my stationary when he wouldn't stop frigging touching me or making people who are perfectly willing to fight angry at me. In the first case, he could have chosen to hurt me if he wanted to later but he did not and I definitely risked being physically fought more than once like when I tipped someone out of my chair who was repeatedly disrespecting and physically hurting me. I think once anger is part of it, my fear goes far far away.

Also despite being so worried about some things, I also do a lot of dangerous stuff not realising it's dangerous until someone points it out. I get hurt a lot as a result.

I laughed in the face of the mugger who said, "give me all your money or I'll kill you" and he punched my laughing face rather hard before running away, leaving me with a broken jaw.

I used to be like this until I got to my forties.

The risks I used to take seemed like nothing to me.

I would dive into physical fights or walk home during the night alone.

Now it is different - I think before I act and find the words are better.

My sense of injustice hasn't changed much as I can still get angry when I see this. I just handle it differently.

I would have just walked away.

I don’t need to be arrested for harassment or assault.

I work with the NYC courts.

I don't mean that I started any fights, no never not I.

When I was mugged I fought back.
When attacked as a soldier in a foreign country I fought back with fellow soldiers (we had civilian clothes on).
When a couple was attacked in a local pub for no reason I jumped in to help them and help them get away.
I also have stood up to attempted bullying - no matter how big.

But now my physical self is not so fit I tend to think twice and avoid that kind of thing - I leave it to the youngsters.

The thing is I seldom stop long enough to consider "risk"- I instinctively gear up. I'm almost 50 and still like this; it takes real self effort to control my reaction

I must have led a really sheltered life, as I've never been in a fight or been mugged, or even had a heated argument with a stranger. I honestly don't know how I'd react in these situations, but I'd probably be frightened.

It took time for me to get to this point, working on my anger first and other self reflection as well as education.

I practice breathing and mindfulness too which can help.

Also, I had many years of training as a counsellor so that changed me and calmed me down drastically.

I know you’re not the type to start fights, Temmy

I wish I could be so disciplined; but if someone comes after me or bullies someone else I'm like Linda Blair in The Exorcist

I am the opposite; I fear lots of things to the point where I become avoidant. I've been criticised about it before, people saying that I should get out of my comfort zone and expose myself to my fears (like catching a busy train during rush hour, or walking out alone at night). But exposing myself to the situation doesn't ease my fears if I know there could be danger or threat involved, like gangs, druggies, muggers, weirdos, etc.
Also I expose myself to crowded public places (even though there is little to no danger or threat), but it doesn't make my social anxiety of crowded places go away.