Sense of belonging

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Joined: 11 Sep 2018
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27 Sep 2019, 1:22 am

BDavro wrote:

I felt justified in always feeling I was standing alone and not sharing the same experience as those around me.

I want to belong, but autistic people are not that different from the flock.

I'd like somewhere we could just let it all out and not be judged, but here is not it, virtue signal, waves.

There is no social situation where saying just anything that happens to pop into one's head is acceptable. It is always necessary to try to be considerate towards other people (or at least towards whichever people are deemed to matter by whichever people dominate a given social situation).

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Mona Pereth
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27 Sep 2019, 2:00 am

Goob234 wrote:

When you learned that you were autistic, did you have this sudden sense of belonging? Like you finally fit somewhere in the world. You were free in a sense.

I've had a sense of belonging before, usually in oddball fringes of already-oddball subcultures of one kind or another. In some cases I've had to carve out my own niche.

Eventually I left these subcultures because they were no longer suitable for me, for one reason or another. (In some cases, this was because the subculture was focused on a topic that was no longer a special interest of mine.)

The autistic community is the only subculture that both my boyfriend and I can naturally be a part of based on who we are.

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27 Sep 2019, 3:33 am

BDavro wrote:

No, they will still judge you harshly.

Speaking as just a rank-and-file member here (I'm not a moderator, so the following is not official, just my observation of the group dynamics here):

If you're willing to try to avoid behavior that you've been told is offensive, you'll be forgiven and fit in fine. Because many of us have a greater-than-normal tendency to say/do things that are inadvertently offensive to other people too, we're more likely to be forgiving than many NT's would be -- as long as you are willing to try to change your behavior as requested.

Alas, many of us also have difficulty responding well to constructive criticism. In my next message I'll direct you to some hopefully helpful tutorials on this matter.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 27 Sep 2019, 3:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

Mona Pereth
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27 Sep 2019, 3:37 am

Lately, for whatever reason, WP has been making it difficult for me to post messages that contain both quotes and links. So now I'll post the link promised above: List of tutorials on how to respond gracefully to criticism in the thread Autistic-friendly social skills vs. blending in with NT's.

Joe90
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27 Sep 2019, 4:41 am

Was this thread supposed to be about belonging to WP or belonging to the world in general? If the former, then I answered the thread wrong. :oops:

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Tokatekika
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27 Sep 2019, 4:45 am

I think I might end up feeling that wY when my diagnosis is official... But they said it could take months to find out as I am now on a waiting list after a couple of tests already for the last test So right now I feel kinda in limbo if that makes sense

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Goob234
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27 Sep 2019, 7:32 am

Joe90 wrote:

Was this thread supposed to be about belonging to WP or belonging to the world in general? If the former, then I answered the thread wrong. :oops:

Not belonging to the world, but belonging to a community of fellow aspies. Like you have group of people that actually get you.

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red_doghubb
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27 Sep 2019, 8:41 am

No. But then, I've never been tribal.

BDavro
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27 Sep 2019, 5:41 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:

BDavro wrote:

okie dokie, mum.

darkwaver
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27 Sep 2019, 6:05 pm

I felt a strong sense of belonging, like everything just fit and I was no longer completely alone in what I've experienced.

ASPartOfMe
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27 Sep 2019, 6:43 pm

At the time of diagnosis it was more like "Wow there are others like me out there"

But these days since I am posting so often about things happening to autistics, autistics accomplishing things that is a sure sign I do feel a sense of belonging.

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27 Sep 2019, 7:34 pm

I felt that I found a few who understand. More then that. I found I understood them. I could relate to what they were talking about. Maybe not every time. But most of the time I can. An NT would find difficulty doing this.
Now I assumed I was sitting on the fence halfway between NT and on the autistic spectrum. However, I have since found I have fallen off the fence on the autistic side if I am right. When I am assessed, no doubt that all will make more sense.
The aaiting is not easy though!

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BDavro
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27 Sep 2019, 7:38 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:

The thread winner ladies and genitalmen.

And yes, I do realise he is Welsh, just don't put your hands near his mouth and you will be fine.

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27 Sep 2019, 7:40 pm

BDavro wrote:

Mountain Goat wrote:

The thread winner ladies and genitalmen.

And yes, I do realise he is Welsh, just don't put your hands near his mouth and you will be fine.

Hahahahahaha!

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28 Sep 2019, 9:08 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:

BDavro wrote:

Mountain Goat wrote:

The thread winner ladies and genitalmen.

And yes, I do realise he is Welsh, just don't put your hands near his mouth and you will be fine.

Hahahahahaha!

Looooolzzz.. very very good ,,
Dxed 5 yrs ago ,,

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29 Sep 2019, 12:08 am

Goob234 wrote:

When you learned that you were autistic, did you have this sudden sense of belonging? Like you finally fit somewhere in the world. You were free in a sense.

Yes. It was the first time in my life that I ever felt that way. I was 45.

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