magz wrote:
huimaa wrote:
^ thank you very much for the recommendations.
I'm aware that I have to do something about my current situation, it has gotten too far. I have a history of pushing through with mere adrenaline and then I crash...
Breathwork techniques can definitely work out, I will try those. And also do my best to focus on other things than the cause of the trauma.
Thank you everyone for the replies.
I learned those breath techniques and they are useful to carry on for a while longer but they don't stretch indifinitely. Ultimately, you need to process those emotions to heal. They may be extra hard, they may require dedicating special time to them, maybe professional help.
In my case, I was able to suck it up, dissociate form the pain and go on for years before it all finally collapsed in a giant mental breakdown. I don't recommend it.
"Lingering on the past" may be pointless but taking time to process your traumatic emotions is the way you heal. After I could finally process my own emotions from the past, the traumatic memories faded and I naturally stopped "lingering" on them. I couldn't do it without a therapist and only the third one was able to help me, so have patience for yourself.
I have to agree, had a similar experience with "pulling myself up by the bootstraps", "pushing through the pain", "burying it deep" as I wasnt ready to deal with it.
Problem with that was, I put off dealing with the trauma for various reasons and by doing that I had given it the space to manipulate my perspective of the world, I gave it too much power by trying to ignore it.
The parasympathetic nervous system/PNS stores these traumatic memories, so even if in your mind you have managed to shove the trauma down, the body will indeed hijack you in triggering situations. The PNS doesnt know the difference between a rational and irrational threat, it simply reacts as it has been conditioned to do.
For me it was like a slow release toxin I ingested that spread into all areas of my life until it had warped my perspective on reality and essentially hijacked my reactions.
I stopped being able to disassociate and the trauma broke through to the surface as it was always destined to do, unfortunately at a time of burn out, loss and tremendous stress. I dont recommend that experience, best to deal with it on your own terms, than when its forced upon you/triggered by one of life's many unforeseen tragedies.
It took me a long time to meet a therapist that could help me, but a psychotherapist that specialises in trauma is better equipped to help than one with a general skill set. Either way it's time well spent if it helps with healing and coping strategies.
I would also add that ruminating on the 'why did this happen to me' tends to trap the person as a victim, not a helpful way of thinking for long term recovery, but perfectly reasonable at the beginning of supported introspection or as a triage response.
Making peace with your past, I found, comes much later, after you have coping strategies in place... it could take a lifetime, it's different for everyone.
I still have memories that I cant access, some day I will have to deal with them too, but at least I will have better coping skills and know that I will need professional support to process those traumas.
Focussing on the future, something you have more control over than the past and the coping strategies to help with healing should occupy the vast majority of the time/energy spent when actively recovering from trauma.
Wishing you the best
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