Being attractive really is hell...

Page 9 of 11 [ 174 posts ] Go to page Previous 1 ... 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

Fireblossom
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jan 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,588

30 Jul 2019, 11:46 am

magz wrote:

Fireblossom wrote:

I don't hear it often and it's not socially acceptable, but often enough that it should be considered a problem.

That means people do things that are socially unacceptable - in that case I would give the person some feedback about how inappropriate the comment was.

In some cases I do, but in some others it's simply safer to just ignore it or walk away. I don't think I'd get physically attacked most of the time, but scolding someone who is in a higher position than me at work or friends with the boss could get me in trouble and I need my job, so I'm picking the lesser of the two evils.

Quote:

Lot of people are shallow when it comes to relationships.

True, but there are also many who aren't. Those of us who aren't shallow about these things just need to be careful and try not to waste time on those who are... I say "waste time" because I know that at least I couldn't be happy with someone who I knew to be like that... then again, someone like that wouldn't try to hook up with me anyway since I'm average at best. Or well, maybe someone really desperate would, but that kind of desperation would probably shine through well enough even for someone who's as socially clumsy as me to see.

BenderRodriguez
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,343

30 Jul 2019, 12:59 pm

magz wrote:

BenderRodriguez wrote:

^
Where I live, I can't imagine anybody telling a colleague "haha you look like a lesbian" and not getting into massive trouble. It must really suck to have such a sh***y work environment

This reminds me a scene I witnessed:
A collegue (female) who had nice long hair, shaved it one day.
Another female collegue approached.
'Hehe, you look like you've just had chemotherapy', she said.
'I have' was the reply that shut the mouth of the commenter.

Good grief

Fireblossom wrote:

I've heard all of those from men.

If it was at work, please do something about it. I don't know much about Polish work-related laws, but in Finland the law (so management too) will be on your side.

I spent a year and a half in Finland recently (work-related) and I wouldn't have guessed that kind of stuff happens there, although I'm sure you'll find a***holes everywhere. The important bit for me was if people can do something about it or have to put up with it.

_________________
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Aldous Huxley

BenderRodriguez
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,343

30 Jul 2019, 1:02 pm

cyberdad wrote:

Ok so scandinavians respect spacial boundaries?

I think that's a western European thing...

Personal space/boundaries are huge in Scandinavia, most of us feel even stronger about it than Westerners.

_________________
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Aldous Huxley

BenderRodriguez
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,343

30 Jul 2019, 1:25 pm

To Fireblossom: I've been in my field for over 30 years and things were definitely much worse in the past - I don't say this as an excuse for what you have seen; what I personally appreciate it's that it's significantly less common these days, the other workmates are less inclined to play along (even if it's out of fear) and in most European countries you at least have some options to defend yourself.

To Magz: I just remembered that I've heard something even worse than your story in recent years, granted it was in a privately own (by a maniac) company, in a tiny town and the maniac's wife was in charge of HR :twisted: Most employees were very young and felt intimidated so they mostly looked the other way. Most probably didn't even know that they could call in a national authority (something like a work council) to investigate the situation if they wanted to.

_________________
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Aldous Huxley

Fireblossom
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jan 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,588

30 Jul 2019, 2:10 pm

BenderRodriguez wrote:

Fireblossom wrote:

I've heard all of those from men.

Oh it does, but even some locals, mostly men from what I've seen, tend to either say that we overreact or that we shouldn't complain because women elsewhere usually have it worse. The later is true as far as I know, but that's no passable excuse for their actions.

Anyway, not much can be done when it'd be words against words. While the right thing to do would be to report everything, it could seriously endanger my livelihood if I told about it at work. Fortunately though it's not as common as it used to be and most of it is outside of work anyway.

IstominFan
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Nov 2016
Age: 61
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,114
Location: Santa Maria, CA.

30 Jul 2019, 3:04 pm

Not all people who still live with their parents are losers. It depends on the circumstances. According to a lot of the criteria set down, I'd be a loser.

magz
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,283
Location: Poland

31 Jul 2019, 1:22 am

Fireblossom wrote:

BenderRodriguez wrote:

Fireblossom wrote:

I've heard all of those from men.

It's often about feedback.
There was one guy at my work (mind I work in a male dominated field and there was only one such case) to whom I had to say "never talk to me like that again or I will file sexual harassment"
Of course he was offended etc. - but he did never use that stupid sexist talk on me ever again.
Anyway, he lost his job soon, I wasn't the only one pissed off by him.

In most cases when I say "I would prefer you not talking like that", people respect it - except for old aunts. I have a dozen of old aunts and they seem not to believe in personal boundaries at all - unlike the corresponding dozen of old uncles.

Maybe it's my local gender culture thing.

_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.

<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>

League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,318
Location: Pacific Northwest

31 Jul 2019, 4:11 am

IstominFan wrote:

Not all people who still live with their parents are losers. It depends on the circumstances. According to a lot of the criteria set down, I'd be a loser.

More adults are moving back in with their parents or living with them more because costs of living has gone up and they can't afford to live on their own.

_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 36,036

31 Jul 2019, 5:14 am

Fireblossom wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Fireblossom wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Fireblossom wrote:

I know a lot of women who're together with men who earn less. One earned three times as much as her man (both worked full time, but she was a doctor) before she had a burn out.

Exception rather than the rule.
On average a woman will less likely date a man if;
1. He earns less
2. is shorter
3. Is bald
4. lives with mum
5. Is not attractive

Attractive unemployed men might address points 2-5 and get lucky on Tinder but the girl is going to kick his ass out of her apartment if he doesn't meet point 1.

Yes to the five points, it is less likely, but it's the same the other way around aside from number 2. A man is also less likely to date a woman who doesn't earn enough, is bald, lives with mom or is unattractive. It's not a gender thing, it's a people thing.

A man is less likely to date a woman if she is
1. fat
2, not attractive

that's about it....

Not all men are like that. Plus, that's really shallow. Being like that isn't a good thing.

Also, sorry for hijacking the thread Hollowmoon.

I agree....but it's all about probability/averages...the average male is more likely to date/engage an attractive women than an ugly one. The two criteria for men are facial and body appearance...everything else is secondary

Women on the other hand have a longer list of criteria
salary
height
baldness
facial/body appearance
living status
hygiene/odour
clothes/fashion
sound of his voice
accent
ethnicity
religion
socioeconomic status
education
humor
does he play sports?
is into outdoors?
Does he have friends
is he sociable....
the list goes on and on...get my drift

Women say they don't care about these things but (on average) they do....

Fireblossom
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jan 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,588

31 Jul 2019, 6:42 am

cyberdad wrote:

Fireblossom wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Fireblossom wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Fireblossom wrote:

I know a lot of women who're together with men who earn less. One earned three times as much as her man (both worked full time, but she was a doctor) before she had a burn out.

A man is less likely to date a woman if she is
1. fat
2, not attractive

that's about it....

Not all men are like that. Plus, that's really shallow. Being like that isn't a good thing.

Also, sorry for hijacking the thread Hollowmoon.

I don't deny caring about most of those, but they're all less important to me than the guy's personality. Some men here seem to confuse saying "thing X's not a priority" with "thing X doesn't matter" and accuse people of lying because of that or insist that the person is minority (which is true in some cases, but often it isn't.)

KT67
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,807

31 Jul 2019, 7:18 am

Fireblossom wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Fireblossom wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Fireblossom wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Fireblossom wrote:

I know a lot of women who're together with men who earn less. One earned three times as much as her man (both worked full time, but she was a doctor) before she had a burn out.

A man is less likely to date a woman if she is
1. fat
2, not attractive

that's about it....

Not all men are like that. Plus, that's really shallow. Being like that isn't a good thing.

Also, sorry for hijacking the thread Hollowmoon.

Some of those things are personality and it's not shallow to want to have things in common with your partner or for you to want your partner to be the kind of person you get on with.

Personality isn't just being nice although of course that's the most important. Just doesn't mean everything.

_________________
Not actually a girl
He/him

hollowmoon
Sea Gull

Joined: 28 Feb 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 215

11 May 2020, 3:11 pm

hollowmoon wrote:

I'm an extremely attractive woman (top 1%) and its terrible. I feel like my life would be so much easier if was average. For one I can NOT blend in. Everything I do is scrutinized its like I'm in a spotlight at all times, and since Im an aspie that mean every social mistake is magnified. Everyone knows who I am, when I just wish I could just be invisible and disappear. Secondly people have these SUPER high expectations for me that I can't meet. That I'll be super outgoing and super social- then they get pissed when I can't meet these expectations- its like its too heavy of a contradiction and they end up hating me and calling me a snob for it. Nobody can understand that I'm socially challenged even when I explicity spell it out. Third, I've had to deal with vicious jealous women who are threatened by me my entire life.

I've tried making myself unattractive so that I can be invisible but nothing really works. What would you guys recommend?

For everyone that laughed at me, last month I was set up to raped, and none of the girls would help me because they were jealous.

Jakki
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Sep 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,875
Location: Outter Quadrant

11 May 2020, 3:20 pm

:wink:

Darmok wrote:

> Being Attractive Really Is Hell...

Tell me about it! I can't even leave my house without a bevy of supermodels jumping out of the bushes and chasing me down the street. I've tried decoys, pepper spray, tasers — nothing seems to work. They are relentless.

waiting for the Poster to include their physical address . :twisted:

Written with tongue firmly placed in cheek.

_________________
Diagnosed hfa
Loves velcro,

Quote:

where ever you go ,there you are

Archmage Arcane
Velociraptor

Joined: 13 Jun 2019
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 451
Location: Connecticut, USA

11 May 2020, 5:29 pm

hollowmoon wrote:

For everyone that laughed at me, last month I was set up to raped, and none of the girls would help me because they were jealous.

Sorry people are laughing and really sorry for your experience. I experienced some of this in my teens and 20s, but I think it's a lot worse with females. Anyone who set you up to be raped IS NOT your friend. Find a new social setting.

I'll give you the same advice I give the lonely 30ish males who complain that they can't get a date:
Find something you really enjoy doing and find others who enjoy doing this. If you don't find a significant other, at least you have some social contact.

quite an extreme
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 20 Aug 2018
Age: 326
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,922
Location: Germany

11 May 2020, 7:24 pm

hollowmoon wrote:

For everyone that laughed at me, last month I was set up to raped, and none of the girls would help me because they were jealous.

Hard to help with this without knowing anything about the related situation. What did happen?

_________________
I am as I am. :skull:

Life has to be an adventure!

Jakki
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Sep 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,875
Location: Outter Quadrant

11 May 2020, 7:50 pm

any women / woman who sets up another to be raped , needs to have had the experience themselves , i feel . ( too close to home this topic )

_________________
Diagnosed hfa
Loves velcro,

Quote:

where ever you go ,there you are

Page 9 of 11 [ 174 posts ] Go to page Previous 1 ... 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 Next

Jump to:

Being attractive really is hell... Post Reply New Topic

Being attractive really is hell...