The "you're aggressive" NT trap

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some people aren't mentally wired to handle the truth.

people are fearful of me because I will point out the obvious totally oblivious to how it is to other people. Pointing out the obvious is a sin, apparently. That is why my creative writing proff in Uni named me 'sins boldly'

hence - my screen name

Merle

The truth? You can't handle the truth!

exactly!

Art mimics life

Depends what exposes me. Sometimes I can do passive aggressiveness quite well... but depending on who the person is, what they're saying, how threatened I feel... but tbh I find my aggressive outbursts to be a darn sight better than what I used to do... which was allow them to push me over. I'm certainly no pushover anymore. And certain conflicts will bring out negative aggressiveness which ain't good I'll admit.

come to the dark side, Helen. . . we have cookies!

That's really funny.
I think in general, NTs don't want to hurt other people's feelings by saying the plain truth, so they dance around it in order to get their way. Aspies tend to just tell it like it is, regardless of the consequences, and that seems aggressive to NTs.

I honestly think that most NTs don't even process those comments in the same way we do. There was an interesting thread started recently about the brains of those with ASDs potentially lacking the ability to utilize some kind of chemical that rises in response to being teased, and that this chemical somehow facilitates bonding between peers. I think it's called vasopressin or something like that. Anyway, there's a new theory that an NT brain would take up that initial comment about not being able to live without a car, and see it as the other person teasing them in a friendly way and trying to further some type of closer contact. However, someone with an ASD won't be able to "correctly" utilize this chemical that arises in response to being teased, and so we interpret that type of statement as hostile criticism and therefore a direct threat. It's an interesting theory, because I've always reacted aggressively to such teasing, and I never could figure out why other people actually seemed to enjoy being teased that way.

I see on this thread that almost everyone knows perfectly well what I'm talking about, and have come to my same conclusions about NTs in this regard. I always felt I was alone in seeing these things and not being blinded by the need to stick to the herd. I can't express in words how much better I feel knowing that there are others experiencing the same as me out there.

It works the other way around, too.

I feel very hurt when people aren't honest with me, even if they're trying to be kind. I'd rather hear something critical than hear pleasantries and later find out that they were lies. Being lied to is worst of all.

This seems to make relationships particularly difficult as most people are so conditioned to tell 'white lies' that they're actually incapable of telling the truth, even when directly asked to do so.

I'm the same way sometimes. I've gotten better at simply not replying at all to things like this, because the only thing I can think of to say is something I'm afraid they'll take as aggressive. I think part of it is that NTs often actually don't see the aggression in each other's comments. I am often offended by things NTs say, and other NTs don't seem to understand why. They've got this inside joke thing going on and don't see that not everyone is in on it. So we respond equal and opposite, and then they throw fits. Gah.

I'm NT and have been thinking a lot lately about a comment that was made in the ex dino about how much easier it is for an aspie to relate to another aspie rather than to an NT.

So when I went to a family gathering this week I watched how we NT's socialise. There was so much laughter and so-called good humour. But the laughter was directed against certain individuals and some of the humour was so cruel.

Finally I recognised that this so-called humour was a form of bullying. And again I wonder how the aspie copes. No wonder you get angry.

Exactly. I find these situations much more humiliating than being teased. People only attempt to tease me once, and they find out it's not a good idea. However, those who go to the other extreme and don't level with me in an attempt to "spare my feelings" don't realize how much this humiliates and hurts, because it just reminds me of how clueless I can be of other people.

So true!

I was cruelly attacked by everyone on a regular (NT) forum, for saying I'd rather a person tell me the truth that they don't want to keep in touch with me than the "white lie" that they're "busy" and that I should try again another time. It's humiliating to me. But for them, it's humiliating to be told the truth, that the other person is not interested.