Ever wish you could start your life over again?

Post Reply New Topic

my worthless corpse born 1983. thirty seven years old

equal employment opportunity commission 2012, twenty nine years old.

diagnostic statistical manual 1994, aspergers, eleven years old

got diagnosed 21.

it would just be easier to be cisgender neurotypical than the train wreak of a flying purple elephant.

one person can only do so much.

when i was younger, sometimes i wanted to redo my "life". however, if i were to have redone my "life" there are many ways it could have been worse, through someone else's fault, mine, both, or neither. the worst case scenario : subject to imagination

the best case scenario: whooptie do

quite frankly, even though i am obsessed with the past, and there were many things i could have done better, every situation is different. and there is no method of knowing what otherwise would have occurred, in a different situation.

different academic major

eat less

less uptight

but, limiting reagent

I would love to go back and be neurotypical (but with the same parents and upbringing, etc), with no difficulties making friends or having to see social workers to talk about my bad behaviour and having to attend assessments to get a diagnosis at such a young age. It made me unhappy and kind of robbed me of my childhood in a way, as I was always felt watched and observed like a bug under a microscope - something none of the other kids in my class had to deal with. Their lives was just normality.

I would love to go back to high school and be socially accepted by my peers without having to make much effort. I would love to have that experience of sleepovers and hanging out, and naturally being interested in makeup and fashion. It would be nice to relive school without being the weird kid in the class.

And I missed out on all the party nightlife stuff that the vast majority of young people experience. When I was 19 I just ended up bullied by the only 'friends' I had, to the point where I was afraid to go out the house for a while because they wanted to beat me up in public. It seems that everyone else were out partying every weekend when they were 19, and although it isn't all it's cracked up to be, there must be something appealing about it if so many people do it when they're young.

Also I'm a wimp and it ruins my life. I'm not sure if it's because of Asperger's or ADHD or not but maybe it is because I was always much more wimpier than my peers. I was always the one that felt ill after going on rides. I was always the one that couldn't swim. Actually, I think I'll put those two down to having trouble with my ears. But I'm hypersensitive to pain to the point where I can't even have smear tests or colonoscopies. So me being a sensitive wimp could cost me my life. I have severe emetophobia that most people don't understand, which prevents me from wanting children. Unless they come up with a vaccine for noroviruses and other stomach flus children often pick up, I just cannot cope with bringing up children. I can't bear the thought of vomit. I literally scream and panic if I see vomit. I can't stand it. I'd rather die than vomit. The last time I had norovirus I thought about committing suicide. Luckily I didn't. I just can't bear the thought of having no control of my body.

Yeah, I do wish I could be born again, with a different brain. A brain that resembles human and not cat.

Yep. I wish I could start my life all over again.

What'd be different?

I never did like Groundhog Day.

There is nothing that brings me more comfort than that my life is almost over. No way in hell I'd start over.

Yes.

What for? I fully accept who I am being on the spectrum and have learned to love myself just the way I am. I am very familiar with the difficulties of autism, but life is a journey. If you think about it, everyone has their own unique journey through life. I’m just glad to experience life in whatever capacity. I wouldn’t be who I am today without autism.