Can someone help me understand the clip

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Harry Haller
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28 Jul 2021, 8:26 pm

QFT wrote:
I guess I am still having trouble reading between the lines.

Most of life is nuance.
It's OK if you do not get something.

Move on to something else.



QFT
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28 Jul 2021, 11:47 pm

Harry Haller wrote:
QFT wrote:
I guess I am still having trouble reading between the lines.

Most of life is nuance.
It's OK if you do not get something.

Move on to something else.


After I wrote this message she responded with detailed explanation so now I understand the storyline after she explained.

Case in point: so sometimes it IS worth asking, after all.



QFT
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29 Jul 2021, 12:05 am

Blue_Star wrote:
He gains power over her. Like a bully who eventually makes one feel like nothing. The older kid who is always tormenting. I can't explain it another way. Ceaseless harassment from a neighbor.

It's not a fetish. It's just a f-you. Out of anger. Or a need to lower someone. Or because it's how he finds humor in life (by messing with other people's loved items). Etc.

His motivation (what he would gain) isn't the point. It's supposed to focus on what it does to her, not what makes people do these things to others.


Thanks for explaining this to me! It now makes a lot more sense.

After looking at this, I now have a different question, that in my mind is very much related to the questions I been asking about that video. In particular, the question is: do women project the behavior of these men onto me?

So let me start with some background. First of all, I am a Christian, and I don't believe in sex before marriage. The main reason I would like to be in a relationship is self-validation. Apart from that, I also feel like if I die without having biological kids, my genes would die with me, and I don't want my genes to die. So I want kids. But I don't feel readin to take care of kids for quite a while (I want to get my physics career settled first). So self-validation is what I am more focused on at the moment. As far as sex, like I said, I am a Christian and I don't believe in sex before marriage. Also, even if I was an atheist, and was fine with sex, I would still say that the need for self-validation far outweighs the need for sex, even from a pure secular viewpoint. I realize that self-validation is a bit selfish reason too, but it is very far from the behavior that these men displayed. Because you see, getting the woman upset at me is not very validating.

Now, one common reason for rejection that I encountered is that a woman assumes that I presumably can't love, or that I presumably don't care how she feels. And it always puzzled me. If I didn't care how she felt, why would I be so frustrated at the fact that she thinks a certain thing about me? Because you see, I get a lot more upset by the reason for a rejection rather than the rejection itself. So clearly I do care what she feels. And if I presumably can't love, why would I be so bitter that I am single?

And now lets get back to this clip. The behavior of the men in this video is even more puzzling than my presumed mental state that women ascribe to me. And it is puzzling in the same way (except it is far greater magnitude). You see, women think I would beg to be with them while, presumably, I don't like them. And here are the men in this video who go through all these lengths to be with the woman, and they clearly don't like her. I was thinking it takes super intelligence to figure out how is it possible to try to be with someone whom I don't like. Yet the men in this video don't look like super geniuses, yet they do it. So maybe those people are the key to answering my question. These psychopaths in this video are plain crazy and it is impossible to make sense of why they do what they do. And then women simpy assume I am the same way they are, which is why they ascribe to me illogical things I was puzzled about.

Now, what is your opinion on this. Do you think this is in fact what is going on, or do you think I misinterpretted it?



Blue_Star
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30 Jul 2021, 12:01 pm

To me it sounds like you're trying to compare yourself to people who control & subjugate others. This is not a comparison you should even want to make. Please think about this further.

There isn't a choice for these women after they get roped into it at the beginning. This is not a healthy comparison in any way if you think normal relationships are near to this.

They aren't going to lengths to be with these women. They are viewing them as property. They're a commodity, nothing more.

Eta: Women are allowed to leave you as puzzled as men leave them. In the end, no one owes anyone an explanation as to why something does or doesn't work out. Saying no & walking away is a completely valid response. It may hurt, but no, you aren't owed anything.



QFT
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30 Jul 2021, 2:29 pm

Blue_Star wrote:
To me it sounds like you're trying to compare yourself to people who control & subjugate others. This is not a comparison you should even want to make. Please think about this further.


1) I didn't say I am similar to them. I said I suspect women assume I am similar to them

2) Also by similar I don't mean nearly as bad. I meant "in that direction".

Now, here is where I see the similarity. If I look at the reasons women give not to be with me, sometimes they say that they don't think I like them. Notice that they didn't say they didn't like me, they said I didn't like them. So how can they speak for me? And if I don't like them why am I so upset that they leave?

Well, if we go to that clip then, in your own words, those men "treat women as commodity". And then I have similar question. If women are commodity, why would they have sex with them? Why would anyone be attracted to furniture?

So you see, my presumably not liking certain women, and those men thinking of certain women as commodity, are two things in the same direction just different magnitude: nobody can "like" a commodity. And also my pestering women DESPITE not liking them, and those men having sex with those women DESPITE viewing them as commodity is also parallel.

However, I know I am not like those men because I actually like women in question. It is those women that say that I don't like them. So what I am comparing to those men is not how I actually am, but rather how women view me to be. I think the image I create in women's head might be similar to those men. But the person I really am, is not similar to them. But unfortunately the women never see the real me, and that is what I find so frustrating.

Blue_Star wrote:
There isn't a choice for these women after they get roped into it at the beginning. This is not a healthy comparison in any way if you think normal relationships are near to this.


I never said "normal relationship" is anything like this. But the problem is that women don't view me as "normal". Which is precisely what I am complaining about.

Blue_Star wrote:
They aren't going to lengths to be with these women. They are viewing them as property. They're a commodity, nothing more.


Well, they arranged all this intricate scheme to make those women go across the ocean. This took a lot of effort, no? Yet at the same time its true they view them as commodity or else they won't be treating them this way. So why would someone put so much effort into elaborate schemes just to get an extra piece of furniture? That makes no sense to me at all. Yet they do it. And why would someone want to have sex with a furniture? That makes no sense to me either. Yet they do it too.

And then there are women who are saying I don't like them. And this makes me wonder: how can they conceptualize in their heads that I would be putting so much effort trying to persuade them to be with me if I don't like them? This doesn't make sense to me. And the way this doesn't make sense to me is logically similar to the way the behavior of these men doesn't make sense to me.

Blue_Star wrote:
Eta: Women are allowed to leave you as puzzled as men leave them.


By the way, I am not one sided when it comes to this. Case in point. In my 2007-2009 relationship, I stopped liking that woman in 2008, but I didn't break up with her because I didn't want to hurt her, plus I didn't know how I would explain myself if I break up. Eventually she left me in 2009.

Blue_Star wrote:
In the end, no one owes anyone an explanation as to why something does or doesn't work out. Saying no & walking away is a completely valid response.


If that was that easy, I wouldn't have felt trapped in so many relationships in the past. I personally can't bring myself to say no and walk away.

Now I realize that it is a bit of a different topic. After all the reason i don't walk away is due to lack of assertiveness while the reason I don't want women to walk away is that I feel like they misunderstood me. But I just felt like I needed to point it out just so that you see its not always one sided.

But in any case, here is the reason why I don't like when women walk away. If I look at the women who actually gave me a reason why they walked away, it was often a misunderstanding. Like women assuming I didn't like them when I did. That is a great example actually. Or there was a woman who assumed I wanted her to baby me the way my mom does, when it is absolutely not true since I resent my mom for doing that very thing. That is another example. Or a woman that thought that thought I was talking to another woman when actually I just had a problem with skype connection. And so forth. It is very frustrating to lose a woman over simple misunderstandings like that.