I can't understand this world

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I cannot understand this world,
I'm so depressed...I will soon be 44 with almost nothing achieved in life...
No company wants to hire me, I don't understand why. I cannot go on like this. I wish I had some job even some stupid job, or something not necessarely tied to my STEM degree. I'm stuck here taking care of my old ill mother ... it's hard to deal with her, she is stubborn, has some psycological issues
I wonder what will happen to me when I will be completely alone? Don't want to think about it...

So sorry for the multiple hardships. It's tough when there are difficult simultaneous demands.

Autistic aside (I know you don't feel well, so bear with me): I happened to look at your post when you have 44 posts and you say you will soon be 44. I like silly coincidences like that. I do not like when a large object cracks my windshield after a traffic light is broken and then a lane on the highway is partially blocked and I have to stop to refuel at an unfamiliar gas station which is too small and close to traffic and I end up in meltdown. That was Wednesday. However, that same day a random number generating happened to display my PIN number and that was nice.

We go through seasons. I have had decade-long lousy seasons and the shorter good seasons are still hard, but have some joy. Now I have another medical issue to deal with and am preparing to assist my aging parents. Above all, I try to remember that nothing is forever. Plus, it's good to define "achievement" as something we have or can obtain. I am saddened that "I could have been a contender..." but I also know I am doing my best and have done well with the cards I was dealt.

Wishing more joy finds its way into your life, or you can find it.
"Dancing in the storm..."

I can't understand too. I don't know why. İt seems that people can understand it. They seem to do it. I am closing to 39 and I visited many countries but I still don't understand how it works. But I know I am different. This comes with many good or bad things. You counted the bad things. However there are good ones. You have to find them.

Good luck.

Sincerely.

Neither can I. I keep having the misfortune to deal with some really bad people. They have pretty much taken everything. I'm about to lose another place to live if it goes their way.

I am not wired to harm the way they are. I am from another world and this one is not mine.

Weird. I'm the same age as you. I've also not achieved anything in life and I'm looking after my mother. She's the only person I've talked to for years. I also worry what will happen if I ever lose her.

It is easy to feel like you have achieved nothing in life, if your aspirations & dreams don't come true, such as getting a good job.

At least you have gotten a STEM degree which is an achievement in itself, even if you haven't been given an opportunity to do something with it.

Looking after a family member who is ill is an altruistic act so you have goodness on your side.

I find it very hard to understand this world. People fly off the handle. They cheat on each other. Parents abuse their children. Children abuse their parents. People gossip because they have nothing better to do. People don't understand my meltdowns. People have no bloody concept of personal space and they think that they can just walk aimlessly into my space or waltz into the elevator without asking me if it's okay. The ableism in today's world is very sickening. Companies are doing away with the easiest tasks that they have. That means I'll defiantly be unemployed.

Hibernation, that's what I need to do. Try to improve your abilities and wait for an opportunity. It's a strange world, and I'm waiting for an opportunity to change the way people communicate so that I can participate in it seamlessly. I believe it will come.

overwhelm from being a caretaker and emotional stress and distress can be a huge burden. Most caretakers don't get the support they need. Are you able to locate a social worker for your mom, or does she have a case worker? That can take the heat off you once in a while. Depending on her struggles, extra help might be available. Palliative care nurses can be called upon , financial support can be applied for as well as food aid and other help. In your own case, it is not too soon to go to social services agencies and talk to them about housing and other support. There are trained workers who can help you find the services you might need. Learning about those services and what help is available can take some of the stress of wondering what will happen to you away, and help you make a plan for your future. If you feel incapable of doing this alone, is there anybody you know (trusted family friend, family member, etc) who could help you get started?