Do any of you feel in groups you don't know what to say?

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The ironic thing is in real life I'm quite loud when I speak but in these 2 groups that I've started (2 virtual autism groups) I'm very quiet because I don't know what to say. And I feel awkward when I don't know what to say and it can be complicated and I feel I can't win if I'm too loud and it becomes to awkward when I barley say anything.

I think smaller groups are easier because you may know them all, or there is only one conversation going on. More people means more variables to try and deal with, more conversations to try and follow. Due to auditory sensory issues, I have trouble filtering out background noise, so any more than one conversation and I am lost.

In larger groups, in my experience, saying nothing is often a good idea.

I have troubles with groups of 3 or more

I usually like to wait my turn when it comes to speak, this means waiting for the other person to stop speaking. In large groups this is impossible because there's always someone talking.

I don't mind it though, I'm just happy being a part of the conversation. Even if the only thing I contribute is giggles and head nods.

I’m a big head noder? Nodder? I spend a lot of time nodding and smiling, and saying “mhm”. It has gotten me a reputation as a good listener, even though I also have iADHD.

The only time I'm with a group is when I'm with my partner, his brother and sister-in-law.
That generally involves us sitting around a bonfire smoking something or drinking moonshine.
They know I don't speak much so they don't get offended.

Same with bigger groups, actually.
My partner lets everyone know ahead of time that I'm not rude I'm just ... (fill in the blanks)

I am sometimes impatient with turn taking, so dealing with a large group and waiting patiently for everyone to finish what they have to say can present a challenge for me.

I also have social anxiety, so seeing myself in multi-channel video calls isn't the greatest feeling.

If and if I don't feel like taking the entire room. or
Or know is inappropriate to take over the entire room, which I tend to do whenever a group are all strangers in any other parties are involved.

And if and if there are already pre-established rules within the group that I cannot insert myself into.
Like noticing those invisible strings that are composed of unspoken contexts and rules in every social interactions, in which I can perceive yet cannot interact or figure what it's contents are...

Unless I'm in this confident and controlled state where I less likely screw the whole thing up, or likely figure those rules out...
.. Or, in a state of not caring to screw up.

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I have read that people on the spectrum are not good at catching that fleeting moment in which someone has finished talking and it's okay to chime in, which is supposed to happen smoothly, so someone else in the group who is NT will have started responding before the person with ASD has had the chance, because the ASD person has missed that elusive window. The only alternative is to not say anything, or interrupt.

But the OP said these are virtual groups? It's even harder to tell when it's okay to respond or talk when communicating in a group over Zoom.

But yes, it's also hard to know what to say, especially on the fly. Can you prepare some things to say ahead of time? Even just filler, like, "I hear you," or "I know how that feels." Stuff like that.