how alienated were you?

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I was bullied a lot unfortunately, which is why I'm claustrophobic. Lots of being shoved and forced into small spaces. Glad that chapter of my life is over.

Middle School was the worst. We had to go to a separate school for just two years between Primary and Secondary. The first year kids were picked on as babies. The second year kids thought they were hot s**t. By the time I adjusted to the change of going there, people were picking on me. There was an Egyptian girl a year older than I was who used to send me death threat notes. I didn't even know who she was. She would wait for me outside the school after class, just off school property, and stare at me while making a fist. She wore lots of gold rings and they looked like a weapon. I found out later that I'd flirted with her boyfriend. To this day I don't even know who her boyfriend was. I was so scared I vomited in class and made a fool of myself. The guidance teacher did nothing about those threats.

Then in the second year I had friends very briefly for about three months. Then they all turned against me and slut-shamed me for something I hadn't even done with an older boy who was about 18. I never lived it down. That's when I went into my self-imposed exile and never resurfaced, even now.

I dealt with both a lot of teasing and a lot of physical harassment. Despite officially having an anti-bullying policy, school was mostly very hands off with the problem, to the point that I suspect anti-bullying was actually anti-reports of bullying.

That said, I have a very game personality and a significant mean streak so it's not as though it was one-sided. In a lot of cases the same people who would gang-up to attack me would end up having to deal with me reciprocating when they were alone.

For me, physical bullying tailed off after word got around that if you pushed me too hard, I'd make a spirited attempt to bite your throat out.

i did not even go to prom lolollololo

brutal, people use to make fun of me during lunch time. I always got scared and anxious when lunch time came, they would just roast me. My anxiety is through the roof because of it. I wish I could go back in time and isolate, I tried too hard to make ends meet. I should have accepted my fait as an outcast.

Apparently it was called "Formal", not Prom. I'm not sure what the difference was.
My parents made me go. I was smart so they had to make a big deal out of my graduation.
It didn't matter that I was terrified and I'm still not "over" it 35 years later.

yea, I never held down any friendship long term.

I am low IQ and did piss poor in school, couldn't even do english class at an applied level. Legit had 0 accomplishments after graduation other than getting accepted to St Clair College which is a community college that accepts anyone, I ended up dropping out too, I wish I was smart

Windsor ?

In the moment quite often I'd just try to retreat in good order, so to speak; I'm not getting pulled into a 3 on 1 or 4 or 1 fight. Especially when I knew eventually I'd find at least one or two of them without their friends around and then it'd be on-sight. I figured if it's fair to jump me, it's fair for me to jump the people who did it, when it suited me (and not them).

I'd often disassociate in the moment (when I was the one being jumped); from over-stimulation, stress and fear of going apeshit. Occasionally I'd shutdown, but if I melted down into red mist instead things turned ugly. Not tough-guy action movie ugly, but biting, ripping, tearing, swinging or throwing whatever was handy and basically mauling like an enraged ape. Unfortunately, those sorts of displays lead to more bullying, not less.

I withdrew from teens my age, subconsciously. One time when commenting on me, they just said "yeah, she keeps to herself".

Looking back, I think I just had no idea how to relate to them. I hung out with younger children almost entirely. I knew how to be a kid, I didn't know how to adapt to being a teenager.

Me neither. I was spared because proms weren't a thing in the UK.

When I posted before about how I was never very alienated, I should have remembered and told of the mainstream social gatherings I experienced in my youth They were my Achilles' Heel. I had no idea what to do, and they had no interest in showing me the ropes or including me in any way. So I always ended up looking like a little lost dog that nobody wanted. Vicious cycle. They noticed my difficulty and highlighted it to each other so they'd look better. The only such events I didn't blow were the hippie parties later on, where there were often enough friendly, inclusive types to give me a leg up. Even with those it was sometimes a struggle to keep my head above water.

I gradually learned a few coping strategies, but my best response was to keep away from them and get my social fix from one-on-one, and from small gatherings of good "alternativist" friends. Music also was a great help once I'd got fairly good at it. It gave me something to do and a way of making people warm to me, and if I was in a band we'd stick together and I wouldn't need to do this circulating thing. But for those first few formative years before I'd learned anything, it was hell on earth.

To your average NT, I am a jerk. True as a kid, teenager, and adult. I was completely clueless and got all the social things wrong. Some people were kind, but others made my life difficult. My threat detector was always running at full and I did not let anyone close.

Alienated, yes, and today I am a bitter angry old man under my mask. Still, I had my adventures, disasters, successes, failures, and all that stuff that gave me my so-called life.

just like that in school, work, groups such as at church, etc or volunteer organizations I worked for, right up until I found out about my being autistic in my late 60s. "social struggles" must be present in order for us to obtain diagnosis as autistic.

Early high school was the absolute worst. I had my locker broken into numerous times and slimed with who knows what. My bike and bag were stolen on separate occasions. Someone would send me threatening letters saying that they were going to stab me or beat me to death. I was so anxious about this that I'd be sick when I got home. I failed most of my classes and had no friends. This was probably why I was sent to the school psychologist. All I talked about then was my parents separation and divorce. I never told my parents what was going on. The school didn't tell them either. My mum only found out when I was diagnosed with autism in 2004.

At the end of primary school there was a Year 7 party that I never went to. Also at the end of high school there was a school ball. I never went to that either. I just knew I'd be an outcast.