Bullying

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Last edited by LadyBug on 26 Jul 2004, 4:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I was bullied for 4 years at school- despite changing schools during that time but for some reason at this school that hasnt happened. Im now in a good little group that tends to stick up for each other.
I would recommend attending clubs and stuff outside of school, then you have other stuff to think about and can make friends away from school. you might even find people from your school go there and then approach you on a friendly basis within school.
just keep your chin up and remember that its them with the problem not you.

haha no matter what anybody saays, being really big doesnt help at all. im 6'3 and it doesnt help at all. skinheads can see through you like glass, and they can smell fear. much like a rabid wolf.

Thank you all for your support. I went to the administrator of the school program and nothing seems to be getting any better. As for today, I got an extremely upsetting instant message on AIM that I will show to my teachers tomorrow (hoping that they will believe me a little more). Thanks.
-Dizzy

Sorry, I honestly don't have much advice on this since I've never actually dealt with bullies properly.
Just tell them to stop without losing your temper or whining too much, if you show too much emotion they'll just keep doing it.
Don't act scared though, have a strong and firm voice and sound like you mean it when you tell them to stop.
If that fails you should record everything they did to you in a notepad and show it to an authority figure.

What do your parents think of how the school has handled this?
My biggest fear is that my daughter will face something like this and no one will take her seriously.

Last edited by LadyBug on 26 Jul 2004, 4:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

A really tragic thing is when the cycle of abuse is perpetuated. Such as, a drunk and abusive father (such a stereotype which unfortunately still holds true much of the time in cases like these) beats his child repeatedly with a belt... the child eventually grows up and fights back against his father, and against other kids at school -- not brandishing a belt, but a knife or other type of weapon. The now-troubled adolescent is suspeptible to all sorts of worse actions like drug addiction and murder, not to mention the bullied kids growing up full of hate too. The cycle of hate has to end somewhere and it's very hard. Harassment takes place online as well as offline too.

Something so seemingly innocuous as bashing a guy for liking Britney Spears of boy bands soon turns to gay-bashing, and gay-hating -- to killing of homosexuals. I know the aforementioned sounds preachy but numerous times this has happened already... when the ball gets rolling its momentum is increasingly hard to stop. Some bullies may not strike out violently like such, but find their ways into positions like lawyers or cops or government officials and essentially be "rotten apples" in a bushel of fresh ones. They then, under much stress, revert to their primal programming (and no doubt recalling the pain they grew up under), and take it out on innocents by abusing their positions of authority. It is not uncommon for them to pass these teachings onto their kids either, such as the mentality of: "My Dad can beat up your Dad, and so can I!"

Seeing as how there is no end to such tragedies all around the world and how such violence can not just be "stopped", there are clearly wise decisions to be made like safe places to live, a school which has a reputation for promotion of peaceful solutions between children, and remembering that you cannot shield yourself and your young from all this hatred leading to pain and suffering in the world, but you CAN be well-informed about it and take personal responsibility for doing your part, and being good to yourself and others.

Last edited by LadyBug on 26 Jul 2004, 4:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Dear Dizzy,

My 55 year old Aspie husband grew up being bullied in school, and at age 55 has even been bullied at work. He had one particular person at work that made him the brunt of down-talking, and every joke he could make up. My husband went in his office and slammed the door behind him and told the guy that they are supposed to be professionals and it's time he started acting like one, and to grow the h*&^ up. He told him that his behavior would either stop immediately, or personnel would be forced to deal with an harrassment issue. It worked! He's never bothered my husband again. Confronting those that bully is the key to getting them to stop. You have to make them look like idiots. You might try saying something like, "Your comments are far more unbecomming to you than they are to me, and it's time you grew the h*&^ up and stopped acting like an immature idiot. And, I am putting you on notice that you'd better leave me alone or you will have more trouble than your low social I.Q. can possibly imagine." In your case, you have to be careful. You would not want to take that route if the person has several friends with him and you're all in the locker room and you are alone. If it's in the hallway and teachers are reasonably close and you can call for help...that's a better place to have some back up should things get physical...which you want to avoid at all cost.
Before you actually do this, you need to have a talk with a school counselor and tell them it has gotten out of hand. Tell them it is effecting your rights to feel safe and your ambition for school. You want to be ON RECORD as asking for help. Start writing down the times these occur. Tell the school officials that if they do NOT TAKE STEPS TO CORRECT this problem, you will contact an attorney. Tell them you may not get anywhere with an attorney, however, the local news media might be interested in the fact that the school is not taking the problem seriously.
You need to tell your parents that being bullied is becoming a serious issue for you, and it is time for them to back you up. You need to stress to your parents that it is past the point of being able to ignore it. And, that ignoring it makes it worse...it reinforces the bad treatment.
I am not a psychologist, so the advice I have given is just by the cuff, from experience. I have raised two highly productive, well rounded, children. One is a professor at a major university. This advice is based on how we handled a bully that slammed my son's head down on a desk one time, breaking his glasses.
If you go to google, and enter "help with bullies" (or similar bully related phrases), there will probably be good advice on how to handle that. You should step up and go to bat for yourself, but do it in a manner of safety. I CANNOT STESS THAT ENOUGH. Some bullies are so immature, unenlightened, and come from homes where they have not been taught any manners or basic human kindness, they are not dealing with a full deck when it comes to just being decent. But definitely, it sounds like it is time to get some adults with authority to take this seriously and give you some meaningful help.
One time a doctor treated me like a bully in the emergency room. (In fact, it was the father of the jerk that bullied my son!) In front of the nursing staff, I asked him, "Is your rudeness and ignorance included in your fee, or will I have to pay extra for that?" One nurse coffee in her mouth and spewed it across the room. But it did seem to figuatively jerk a knot on his head, and when he left the room, the nurses CLAPPED! Moral of the story, you have to put these people in their place. It helps you to regain control and feel more in control.
See if google offers one liner come backs to say to bullies.
My husband says he benefitted by getting on the running team. He made a name for himself and claimed success that nobody could deny. Success is the sweetest revenge!

Feel free to PM me and let me know the outcome. And best of luck. I will be thinking of you. If you were my son, we'd formulate a plan and act on it.

That sounds very sensible snowflake - I wish my parents had been more like you! It takes a lot of courage to speak out. When I was at school, I was cursed with an Enid Blyton outlook on life, and believed in 'morals' being 'honest', not wilting under pressure, honour (a misguided view), courage, giving back as hard as I got, and sweet, sweet personal revenge (the type no one else notices). I was convinced that 'telling on someone' was a sign of weakness, and it was my responsibility to deal with any problems my impusive mouth got me into. I sincerely recommend others don't follow these guidelines. I had a mouth like a knife, but the others had much harder fists, and when they didn't understand/like what I said, they made sure they used them - and they hung out in groups. My parents obviously had a hard time themselves at school - cos they completely ignored my demands to move school - I guess they must have figured the same way I did. Infact, they pointedly ignored me when I broached the subject, and I ended up clamming up and not speaking to anyone about it. A bit like them, and their pasts. One girl I knew, who I was trying to protect, did go and see a cousellor. The bullies left her alone and took up attacking me as a satisfactory compromise (for 4 years). Cos I was defending the 'right to be' I launched a one person battle in the name of freedom for four years. It hurt! I'm opting for seeking help from authorities - forget the Enid Blyton stuff - it's not healthy!!

I think ilster's post brings up a really important point here, that virtually any attempt to change a bully's perspective on their actions will come up fruitless.. I really don't think you can convince a bully that what they are doing to you is wrong and not in their best interest. Bullies communcate using some of the most basic human emotions: fear and intimidation. This is how they negotiate their way in the social world.

Therefore, as I see it, the real punishment for their actions is that they may remain in this social position for the rest of their lives.

I was bullied a considerable amount through grade school and early on in high school. I think what really improved things in the later years of high school was that I was able to reciprocate some of the emotions that the bullies used, but in a positive way.. I'm a musician (play the guitar), so I started up a rock band with a couple friends and we actually became quite popular around school, perhaps to the intimidation of some of the bullies that caused problems earlier on.

There was also one time early on in high school when I decided to take a stand against one of the worst bullies, as they did something that just pushed me over my limit (won't go into the details) -- I reciprocated, in a non-voilent way, but it really p***ed them off and strangely enough a lot of the bullying problems went away after that. Basically, sometimes you can show 'em you have teeth but you don't have to bite.

Dizzy, if you see the bullying for what it really is, an inferiority complex suffered by the bullies, then ultimately you will be the winner.

Just my two cents worth.

life_observer

I was bullied in school, i'm still is at work. I have never been able to reply back, that's why they choose me. Each time i tried to say something, they were able to use it against me (don't ask me how, that's a complete mystery for me).

Today it's more with words, and it's really subtile. It takes the form of having my ideas put aside (even if good), or beeing rudiculised or ignored. In meetings, i always end up looking idiot. Yes i do say idiot things sometimes but even if it's not the case, they are able to make what i say looking idiot.

That is MY AS nightmare. Am i alone ?

Simply put, your co-workers have the talent of being good at social wit. I don't understand, or comprehend how people can do it also.



I've been there many times. The most humiliating experience for me at work was a department meeting I had to attend in November 1999. I was relatively new where I was working then, and at that meeting, I was given special treatment (e.g singled out and made fun of) for things that I had done.

First I was made the subject of jokes by my boss about the welches juice maker incident from July 1999, the I was singled out to demonstrate proper facing techniques while the whole time I was taking cheap verbal shots from my boss.

Later on my departments assistant manager apologized to me for the meeting and told just to take things "in stride".



No you are not.

From the severity of your accusations and the frequecy of such, coupled with the fact that you can't seem to get anyone to help you. I sugges the following:

If this happens in a place wherer are people to help, but the apparently refuse to: put on a show!
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first, tell the teacher that you are being bullied. raise your hand or whatever. So that the following actions are justified.

Once youve confirmed that they wont help in this situation, knowingly and willingly get their attention. "play" like your are going to freak out. Do this intelegently, only appear to lose your cool, but be under control the whole time.

Stand up,
Turn around,
keep your fists at your side.

move violently,
slam your chair to the ground,
show them that your not f*****g around.
get attention from those who would help.

(but don't fight them, thats the last thing you want,
just put on a BIG SHOW to get attention from those whom can help)


Yell something really loud:
"DONT F*KING TOUCH ME YOU B*STARTD, THIS IS IMMATURE AND THIS BULLYING HAS TO STOP."
emphisize the bullying and immature.

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This should get teh teachers attention! (hopefully they will confront you about your swearing):

in a calm voice, tell them (the teacher) that the outburst was necisary becasue no one was doing anything to stop it before, and you were at your whits end. Explain to them how such things have been happening to you for while, and you are fearing for your life because you won't know how much further the next bout of bulling will take it.

Explain that you will continue to do this untill such thigns are fixed. ASSERT that "it is THEIR legal oblication to PROTECT you from such violence and bulling. even if they need to higher a body gaurd." and untill such time that they take up such responsibilities, you'll have to take it into your own hands.

(if you really want to get something done, mention how they should be thankfull your not one of those kids who'd use a gun to end such conflicts.)

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there is more then one way to to take control of a situation, it doesn't have to come to violence.

My son aged 13 after a horrible primary school life, started high school this year. He was stabbed with compasses, tripped over, sworn at, called gay, threatened to be bashed etc. I rang the school on three occassions about the bullying pleading for something to be done. After two weeks of attending the school they rang me to pick him up and take him to a doctor as a group of year ten boys (my boy was year 7) had beaten him up. His crime??? He had walked past them and looked towards them. I was ready to charge these boys with assult but the school said it was in our best interest to drop the matter as we had to care for our sons best interests. It was strongly hinted that these boys would retaliate. I would not allow my son to return to that school and for the first term he sat at home while I rang the education department every day for them to place him in a different school. He has now attends another high school in a different suburb, where he didn't know anyone upon starting there and loves it. His mission in life is to get all A+. Yes he still gets teased slightly sometimes but this school comes down hard on the bullies. If things get too hard for you consider a change of school where no one knows you. These bullies will already have their targets and you may slip under their radar, also as my son found out everone wants to know the new kid. He has formed quite a few friendships. He is learning tae kwon do as well so as he ages he will be able to defend himself or at least have the confidence to stand up to these bullies. Don't give up on school, it's your key to freedom. Work hard, get good grades and become a boss, that way you make the rules and employ who you like!