Getting NTs to like me

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funeralxempire
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26 May 2024, 12:54 am

Nobody likes a phony and people tend to see through fake personas eventually.

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FrostBender
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26 May 2024, 11:45 am

funeralxempire wrote:

Nobody likes a phony and people tend to see through fake personas eventually.

Isn’t everyone fake to an extent? We all put on an act to show the best version of ourselves.

lostonearth35
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26 May 2024, 11:53 am

Why are you even on a site talking to people who are ND when you obviously want nothing to do with us?

Edna3362
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26 May 2024, 1:02 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:

Why are you even on a site talking to people who are ND when you obviously want nothing to do with us?

Looking for an autistic who also hates their autism.

And a 'solution' that doesn't exists.
A theorical assuring scenario that someday, it's possible to cure autism to yell agree and say yes to because it resonates.

"So don't lose hope! Maybe science will finally find the solution! Maybe not in our lifetime. And if it weren't for those meddling activists hindering research." :roll:

I don't think the OP is actually asking for advice -- but asking for validation and sympathy.

No judgement there.
I just see it as a part of the nuisances of emotional processing that can take who knows how long before going forward with it.

Validation and sympathy isn't my style regardless.
OP ain't the only reader in this forum.
It's why I give those lengthy replies despite knowing it's unlikely what he wants. :lol:

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Last edited by Edna3362 on 26 May 2024, 1:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

funeralxempire
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26 May 2024, 1:10 pm

FrostBender wrote:

funeralxempire wrote:

Nobody likes a phony and people tend to see through fake personas eventually.

Isn’t everyone fake to an extent? We all put on an act to show the best version of ourselves.

There's a difference between presenting the best version of yourself that exist and attempting to be someone else entirely. Your goal seems much closer to the latter.

FrostBender
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26 May 2024, 1:15 pm

Edna3362 wrote:

Looking for an autistic who also hates their autism.

I don't think the OP is actually asking for advice -- but asking for validation and sympathy.

This. It seems that most autistics are ok with their autism. I don't. I wanted to find someone who would understand this.

BillyTree
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26 May 2024, 2:42 pm

FrostBender wrote:

Edna3362 wrote:

Looking for an autistic who also hates their autism.

I don't think the OP is actually asking for advice -- but asking for validation and sympathy.

This. It seems that most autistics are ok with their autism. I don't. I wanted to find someone who would understand this.

My advice is, vent this with NT:s. I think they will have a better understanding of your feelings.

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Edna3362
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27 May 2024, 12:30 am

BillyTree wrote:

FrostBender wrote:

Edna3362 wrote:

Looking for an autistic who also hates their autism.

I don't think the OP is actually asking for advice -- but asking for validation and sympathy.

This. It seems that most autistics are ok with their autism. I don't. I wanted to find someone who would understand this.

My advice is, vent this with NT:s. I think they will have a better understanding of your feelings.

I don't think so.
NTs actually won't understand this particular need or scenario.

Emotions itself perhaps, but not the nature of the situation.
And you think NTs actually know what to say about this? :lol:

They got no anecdotes to say about this.

Especially not NT parents of autistic kids, which is a worse place to vent as an autistic.

At worst, they'd just infantilize the autistic in question, take the self loathing into something that all autistics 'should' feel and an autistic who doesn't are not 'real autistics'.

:lol:

If I was, like, 10 or 13 years old or heck 8 years old with zero knowledge of autism without intellectual disability -- I would've 'agree' with the OP.
But that's not the path I took nor a phase I'm stuck into.

The self loathing, toxic as it is, is still in need to process.
Again -- an individual with similar views is one way to go about it. But if the person gets stuck there instead of moving on -- that's entirely up to them.

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BillyTree
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28 May 2024, 4:26 am

Edna3362 wrote:

BillyTree wrote:

FrostBender wrote:

Edna3362 wrote:

Looking for an autistic who also hates their autism.

I don't think the OP is actually asking for advice -- but asking for validation and sympathy.

This. It seems that most autistics are ok with their autism. I don't. I wanted to find someone who would understand this.

My advice is, vent this with NT:s. I think they will have a better understanding of your feelings.

I don't think so.
NTs actually won't understand this particular need or scenario.

What I meant was: they are more likely to share his view that the autistic way of thinking is the wrong way and that he should strive to pretend to be allistic and act "normal".

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ProfessorJohn
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28 May 2024, 7:59 pm

FrostBender wrote:

Edna3362 wrote:

Looking for an autistic who also hates their autism.

I don't think the OP is actually asking for advice -- but asking for validation and sympathy.

This. It seems that most autistics are ok with their autism. I don't. I wanted to find someone who would understand this.

I understand it. I don't like being ASD either, and think my life would be much better if I had been born an NT.

funeralxempire
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28 May 2024, 9:53 pm

FrostBender wrote:

Edna3362 wrote:

Looking for an autistic who also hates their autism.

I don't think the OP is actually asking for advice -- but asking for validation and sympathy.

This. It seems that most autistics are ok with their autism. I don't. I wanted to find someone who would understand this.

I'd expect there's more of us 'at peace with' than 'ok with'. It's not gonna change just because I'm angry about it, so there's no point staying angry about it.

Because I realize I'm essentially dealing with someone who's punching themselves repeatedly I don't want to contribute to the punching. That said, having been closer to where you're at, I believe that some coping mechanisms are preferable to others because they have a lower cost in the long run. Getting over the mourning for a person you're not and will never be is one of those coping mechanisms.

I'd prefer my folks got a different kid, but that's not what occurred in this timeline so there's little point in dwelling on that event. There isn't a non-autistic me to tag in, just this me.

With that in mind, autistic people who are more socially fluid than I am, or who otherwise possess better social skills are people to learn from, not to flinch from. NTs who tolerate them are probably more likely to tolerate me, so long as I avoid behaviours that I know tend to sabotage forming friendships.

Your complaints are valid even if they're obviously going to be triggering to others, those feelings are also valid.
With that said, learning to hate yourself less is going to be part of any strategy of improving how you integrate with others because people generally find self-loathing really repellent.

katebrownell86
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29 May 2024, 2:57 am

While emulating some social cues can be helpful, focusing solely on copying behaviors might not be the most effective way to build genuine connections with neurotypical (NT) people.

Here's why:

Inauthenticity:

People are drawn to authenticity. Constantly mimicking others can come across as inauthentic and hinder forming real friendships.

Focus on shared interests:

A better approach is to find common ground. Look for activities or interests you both enjoy. This creates a natural foundation for connection and allows your personality to shine through.

FrostBender
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31 May 2024, 8:12 pm

Don't most people care about how well you fit in with the group?

funeralxempire
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31 May 2024, 8:19 pm

FrostBender wrote:

Don't most people care about how well you fit in with the group?

To an extent. They also expect members of the group to be individuals, rather than having the friend dynamic of American Psycho where people are so interchangeable that no one can remember anyone else's name.

blitzkrieg
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31 May 2024, 8:48 pm

funeralxempire wrote:

Is your name Paul Allen?

Hey Paul!

:lol:

FrostBender
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31 May 2024, 10:27 pm

If I can’t have the things NTs have I don’t want to live much longer tbh

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