Have you been shut out of group work (at seminars etc.)?

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If I know my workplace, they did just that

I heard a lot of gossip in some of my workplaces. Some of it was pretty malicious stuff and it was hard to see how their victims could have deserved it. Sad to say, the worst offenders with slandering the innocent were white and homogenous. When I started working in a mixed-race environment the chat was a lot less malicious and racism had also died a death, I guess because there wasn't a majority of any one race.

There was also quite a bit about what jerks the management were, but that was usually deserved, though there were a few stretchers and pointless whinges about practically nothing. The sad thing was that it hardly ever ended up in them taking a complaint to the management. I suggested they did that once and one or two of them looked scared and said "oh well, we'd best not upset them." There wasn't much open solidarity, but there was a fair bit of whatever you call that thing where you obey the commands too literally knowing full well that it's not what the management wants at all. But most of it was just a game of "ain't it awful" (an Eric Berne thing).

There were a lot of other disfunctional games going on, and office politics too, especially in the all-white groups. I suppose I stayed out of most of it or just didn't know what it was, but I sometimes joined in as a kind of fitting-in thing, if I felt there was some truth in what they were saying, and it might explain why I wasn't shut out more often. I can well imagine a more ethical Aspie not knowing about it and not wanting to know about it, and getting shunned for their trouble. The mixed-race groups made some effort to discourage turning individuals into laughing stocks when it did happen.

So I think one reason Aspies might get shut out is that they're more interested in keeping things honest and above-board, and in that sense they're too good for this world.

Hope I haven't strayed too far off topic with that long-ish rant.

@Jayo
Maestro Jayo

Nice topic, I seem to be drawn to and commenting on a lot of your posts. nice

And yes, social exclusion happens to us all and us ND's especially.
The occurrence is, I'd even go as far as to say: of course, much higher when looking at interactions between our group and Neurotypical peers.
In social- and or group-thinking any decent from the average is treated with varying forms of dismay, distain, ostracization, ... And this is so for us ASD peers and well as NT peers, we're all guilty of this in varying degrees.

My personal approach to dealing with this:
- if it is a group I do not really want or need to be a part of: I truly do not care. all my life I've been a hermit and had to make it on my own, ... I prefer it that way.
- if it is a group I really want or need to be a part of: I try and make myself useful to their group goals. My experience is that once a group finds you useful, they'll accept you plenty, of course while still mocking your differences internally, but they'll defend you against non-group members for instance.

Kind regards,
Kada

I'm always interested in workplace gossip. In fact I enjoy gossiping. But I'm not a stereotypical "overly honest" Aspie who's not to be trusted. I know what to keep to myself, as I have the social capabilities for it (although I'm an Aspie I'm socially intelligent). The only thing I'm not so good at is emotional regulation - so if I'm a victim of bullying or sense that people don't like me I can get really anxious and upset.
But when people tell me stuff about others, I don't go off and repeat it to the wrong people. I don't snitch on people either. I hate snitches. We have a few snitches at work but I'm not one of them.

I worked in IT and instead of getting fired the group SIM swapped my phone number and compromised all of my emails and social media.

I had an attractive girlfriend at the time. NT’s are jealous spiteful animals.

So, you actually think that was their motive?? You can prove that? Not being accusatory, just...curious and a bit bewildered

Maybe it was purely because you were "different". Even Temple Grandin said in her auto-bio that early on in her career, colleagues sabotaged her workspace.

Although, on the jealousy thing, that's not just an NT thing...hell I felt that too back in my 20s before I got married and all, when I'd see some so-so guy, or a lumbering gorilla or tall string bean with this radiant beauty. I was medium height, great physique from the gym, good IT job, good looks, and had occasional female success but was more often given nonverbal rejection. Of course, since Aspies are almost never the majority in any workplace, it's not like you'd ever finding us ganging up on an NT co-worker for having a hot girlfriend

Certainly a timely reminder to not make comments (in general, not you specifically) about management or co-workers on teams or google spaces. Alas I have years of such off the cuff comments so I guess if previous recipients chose to "share" screenshots with management then my goose would be cooked.

Last year I stupidly confided in this guy who I knew wasn't the most trusted man to tell secrets to but I just thought he had a soft spot for me because of the way he was friends with my partner, so I trusted in him and confided in him about the bully incident that went on at work. The guy didn't like the bully either and would often b***h about him to me too, so that's why I thought he'd earned my trust.
Then one morning the guy said that he gets on with the bully now, which got my heart palpitating. And - you guessed it - the bully began targeting me as the year went on, so it's obvious that the guy who I thought was my friend probably revealed all my text messages about the bully, to the bully. Makes me feel like a really nasty person. But I never talk ill about people if they don't give me a reason to, and this bully did give me a reason to, so that's why I did. Everyone else at work seemed to like the bully (except the guy I confided in at the time) because he was loud and confident and charming, and it seemed to be only me and the guy "friend" who didn't, so that was why I confided in him.

^^^ Yeah I did something like that, confided with two co-workers about management decisions then plucked up the courage to confront management thinking they had my back. But after making my case, my so called "allies" changed their minds keeping quiet and said nothing. I looked like a fool. when I confronted them they apologised but I realised they used me as a "patsy/stooge" to protest so they don't get any flack from management. Clever and devious.

That's awful

My works was in the process of constructively dismissing me (didn't work by the way as I forced them to fire me properly in the end); it was during the first lockdown and we was working from home

They blocked me from the works online chat and emails as well
And they ghosted me as well

I mean these are all things I'm used to fighting in my life anyway so apart from the headache it was just another day at the office

Anyway in the event that they did fire me in the end; it was actually unfair dismissal and there was a lot of discrimination and I did get compensation (no tribunal)

In the company had to go into administration and no longer it exists

Why should I care when they treated me like they did

And it's because I won't be bullied

This had been going on for quite a while and started well before the pandemic but they thought they could use the working from home business and being able to isolate me to their advantage

Hey I've been on my own and isolated all my life

they even had the nerve to invite me to be fired by zoom call in the end

I mean it just proves how bullies can't front it out

"Nah you're ok" I said "I don't mind biking it in"

In all honesty I was glad to see the back of the place

It was just a piece of the puzzle. I think NTs are envious of our creative spark and gifts, they just can’t figure out what it is - which translates to success with women. They hate the whole package, because they can’t fake their neurology