You and your NT parent

Post Reply New Topic

Those of you with a completely NT parent, how is your relationship with him/her?

I think that my mom feels that I'm a generic, faceless "daughter" person that she never bothered to know. She has expectations of all sorts for what a daughter should be like, and get jealous of other people's daughters being better. I've given hints over the years that relationships go both ways. Those great daughters were probably raised by great parents.

It doesn't help that our personalities are the opposite in every way and we rarely agree with each other. My mom is almost a purely emotional being. I'm very much like my dad, who was completely rational and ignored her a lot. I've learned to pretend to agree since I was 4 or 5. I can't talk about my life to her because anything I say is inviting her criticism. DH is similar to me and feels my mom is totally intolerable. I'd like to think we're just too different. I don't know. She has tons of friends and people love her. Our relationship stopped growing when I was 13 or so. I can see that by the generic gifts she's given me over the years. The kinds of things you give to some in-laws you only see every couple years. As we both age she just feels more like a cranky half-sister who has much to say about everything and doesn't care what you think about them.

I wonder if I'm the only one who feels this way. I guess deep inside I have unrealistic expectations, too about what a mother should be like. I crave for the unconditional love and support a real mother can give. How do you all deal with a parent who is just very very different?

It seems common for autistic people here to have unloving parents.

But I was always very close to my mum and our bond was inseparable. She wasn't on the spectrum but suffered with anxiety, depression and RSD all of her adult life. Okay sometimes she did compare me to other people's daughters but I think that was part of her anxiety or depression, she'd get envious of other people, only because she hated seeing her kids unhappy. But she loved me unconditionally and always kept me safe, which is why I thrive on security now.

I sadly lost her because of cancer 4 years ago. Losing her seemed to have made my ADHD worse and that's how and why I got diagnosed with it.

I'm not so close to my father, though there is a healthy father/daughter relationship and he'd do anything for me. But he's always been a man of few words around his family. Not on the spectrum but just slightly below average in intelligence.

I take after my mother more, in personality.

My mom is loving but ignorant.
She accepts but do not understand.
Lenient but knows nothing how I learn.
Attached yet almost never resonated with me.


I don't know my dad well.
Because he's in abroad, working since my childhood.
We don't communicate, despite the availability.
He's always available, but I'm not.
While I might as well only take comfort that he's still alive somewhere.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Overall I got along well with my parents, though Dad clearly thought I was "weird".

My Mom was NT. It is likely my Dad was, too.

I was the first of their four children and the only one eligible for Mensa. I was the one least likely to get into trouble. Of my parents, siblings, and I, I am the only one with a college degree.

I was slow to move out of my parent's house, but when I did they wondered if I would visit (I did around holidays).