Why is it that I always get hated on other forums?

Post Reply New Topic

This isn't really a rant that belongs in The Haven, but more like a curiosity. I know people with Aspergers have trouble interacting with others, even when they want to do it. One thing I've always been curious about is.... well my whole life ever since I got the internet, I've always enjoyed going to forums that discussed things I was interested in, like video games. Now back when I was younger and unable to control my OCD and my blunt responses, I got called a forum troll because I always seemed to be behind every flame war and I would kind of talk aggressive and crazy when people made me mad. I got banned on several forums, and for a long time I just quit going on forums because I was afraid of people thinking I was a troll again. However now I've pretty much trained myself how to be sociable on a forum by doing things like not repeating topics on my obsession, calling people rude names when I think they've insulted me, and getting all whiney when someone hurt my feelings. However even though I know longer get labled as a troll, most people on forums still seem to dislike me strongly. When I post a topic stating my opinion it seems like everyone instinctly disagrees with whatever I say, even if it's something that lots of people agreed with on a different topic. Also if I show the slightest bit of anger in a discussion, even if I'm not doing anything obscene like cussing someone out, it seems like suddenly I have a whole group of people against me. Even after I try apologizing I get told to "stop being a Drama Queen".

Now I don't want anybody to get the wrong idea and think I'm complaining about this, I honestly don't really care anymore because if I have problems with a forum I just simply quit going, however I'm curious if other people experience this problem? And if this is kind of an Aspie trait?

Have you noticed this problem here as well, or is this mostly on other forums?

Just on other forums.

Is it partly a matter of not saying things correctly? Or not saying what you thought you said?
I don't know.. I don't really know you, so I can't tell you what it is that makes people I don't know at all not like you.
One thing I personally have a huge issue is repeating myself and beating things into the ground. I'll keep trying to find correct wording, and in the process, just say what I'm trying to say over and over in different words, hoping that one of them will be understood. What ends up happening is that people take all of what I've said and focus on what I didn't say correctly, and insist that the incorrect wording was what I actually meant, and that now I'm beating the point that those incorrect words accidentally made into the ground.. while what I'm actually trying to do is say it in enough different ways that somebody will figure out what I'm saying. (And, hopefully, give me some better words with which to express it.)
Here, frequently, somebody else will figure out what I mean, say it, and then I can reply and say "YES! THAT'S what I meant!" It's something that only really works here, though, because most people here are used to communication problems. Most places people don't want to help you find words.

I'm used to it. I don't get angry (I've only been angry twice in my life), and I don't make personal attacks, but it's just how I interact that bothers some people. *Shrug* It's no different than in the "real world" for me either.

Happens everywhere on the 'net with me; here or over there, it doesn't matter.

Hell if I know why.

Yes! I had this problem about a year ago when I was presenting one of my special interests to others on a forum. It was hard to know where to start when talking about it, especially because it was conceptually different from what people were expecting. People made the wrong assumptions, jumped to conclusions, and then criticize what I was I was presenting based on those completely incorrect conclusions. I found it extraordinarily frustrating.

That makes sense, maybe my problem is I word my opinions wrong and people take it the wrong way? I noticed my biggest arguements come when I'm trying to make a topic that expressed my opinion on something.

That's very possible. And, (I'm not sure if this was clear when I first said it or not) when you try to amend what you said in order to put it better, a lot of times people will take that as an addition to the conclusion to which they've already jumped. Like they think that you're reiterating what you didn't mean to say, rather than saying something slightly different. So they judge all of what you're saying in the context of something that you hadn't meant to say in the first place.

This happens to me too! I do not get along with people on other forums at all! One of the reasons may have to do with a topic that was posted here once that explained "NT's DO things with conversation, aspies share information" .. basically that there is an ulterior motive behind everything with NT's, rarely do they just share facts for the sake of exchanging information or as you say 'expressing your opinion.' So they may assume that you are 'expressing your opinion' to bait people into a debate or to fly it int he face of others or... something like that simply becuase they don't think along the same lines of 'share information.'

Hope this helps? I found the above-mentioned thread to be very useful in explaining my communication errors with NT's. I still can't really figure out WHAT they think I'm 'doing' with my conversation or how to tint their interpretation in a favorable manner... but just understanding the above has explained a lot to me like how my mom always thought I was arguing with her when I would say something like 'oh I don't like lima beans' (just a simple statement of fact.. I thought we were talking about lima beans?) when she had just raved about them or something.. I am just sharing information but to her that is an attack of her previous statement or something??

You get that with your Mom too? I thought I was the only one. XD It's like no matter what I tell her, it always turns into an arguement when I'm just trying to tell her something I find interesting. I guess that explains why I get into arguements on forums every time I post a topic.

Most forums suck. Try www.sciforums.com
They still ban people (I used to be a mod), but for the most part, they are fair.

Is it possible that you have a tendency to correct even the smallest of misunderstandings when you get into a discussion with someone? Is it possible that you are going into great detail with your mother, and when she tries to reciprocate in the conversation, you end up correcting her? I have this problem in a big way.

Not really, it's more like she's the one correcting me. She always finds a flaw in whatever I say and has to argue me down about it. I remember one time I was talking about my Hawaiian heritage and telling her how I might start taking an interest in it, and she yelled at me for like 20 minutes saying I was wrong to do that because I was betraying my white heritage and my Hawaiian heritage "betrayed" me because my Dad left me (I honestly swear I have no clue how she made my simple heritage interest into something racist). When my Mom argues like that she won't allow me to leave it until I agree with her, so I just pretend to so she'll shut up.

Lol yeah I do the correcting thing too

I think I do this. At least i know I do this with my husband. I try hard not to with other people, but its so aggravating to drop the subject or let it die out simply because I don't want to offend people by "correcting" them.

Yep I stopped going to craigslist ROFO forum just because they would push my buttons, and if I tried to even reference it to AS, boy, lookout! I was the worst, most inferior, hopeless POS in the universe! ESPECIALLY if I tried to defend other sensitive or different people there, or flagged random porn pics that had nothing to do with the topic I was called a "moralist" or "you just see in black and white", etc. ; once I even changed my handle and tried to act laid back, but then I realized it would just eventually lead to another "meltdown" (more in their eyes than in mine, actually) so I quit entirely.

Gotta remember that, due to missing social cues and the "napoleon complex" of being defensive, even when we are being logical and deliberate, the world at large can take us the wrong way. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT apologize for who you are. You just make their case that way and BTW welcome, brother Aspie. If you actually ARE rough around the edges (rather than it being a projection of the world onto you), plenty of folk here will help.

And BTW welcome.

EDIT: see there I go repeating MYSELF!! !

Last edited by polymathpoolplayer on 18 Aug 2009, 1:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.