How do you deal with family get togethers?

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I was curious does anyone do family gatherings during the holidays perhaps Thanksgiving or Christmas (* insert other holiday gathering sorry there are so many during that time of year sorry*? Like another topic I made I'm planning on taking my DS handheld game and playing it on the front porch while the family mingles etc. inside the house (my sister's kitchen is small and I HATE getting in the way of people) My sister though suggests socializing a little (UH! I have NO INTEREST in fishing/hunting trips! or there adult life's!! !! and BTW the sister that said this was the one that found AS so surely she'd be understanding I don't want to socialize with these people!! !! !! LOL! Also I was curious if the following issue seems like something you would do.

Last Christmas my nephew was 1 1/2 and he was fussy (Christmas dinner of all times) Anyway my sister said to my mom do you have a b-o-t-t-l-e I said bottle then she yelled at me. (Not sure if you think it's wrong but my reaction was grabbing my plate and eating in my room) (I TRY to be around during the holiday dinners just to be nice and last Christmas dinner was ruined. Does the bottle incident sound like something you'd do? and tips for the Thanksgiving socializing (besides DS and front porch IMO good idea!! !!)

re: b. o. t. t. l. e. you just didn't realize I guess why she was spelling it in the first place. She knew her son would recognize the word and react to it but that he wouldn't if she spelled it. So you messed up her plan. I like my family and we are all a little neurodivergent so it's comfortable for me to engage or to zone out depending on my mood. When I am at a larger family affair with more unfamiliar guests I just try to find a seat. The last one I sat with the dogs.

My family is very large and very loud, so I'll often focus on playing with my little cousins instead, then do the obligatory socializing with aunts and uncles (while they attempt to pressure me into a reasonable job and not a creative one). At some point I'll need a nap so I'll ask to go lie down for a little while - it's too overwhelming in one sitting. But large family events are doable!

I excuse myself and go play a water gun war with the assortment of kids who are always dragged along for such ceremonies. This way everybody's having fun and my wife gets to brag about me being a kid-loving man.

Find your "own space" in the environment--whether a basement, garage, workshop, or outside playing in the snow with the kids. Let people come to you if they want to socialize with you. Very few do in large families, haha.

But those who do really want to be with you, at least until they get dragged back into the fray.

I hate family gatherings! I used to bring my PSP or something to juggle and just go in my corner and talk a little bit with family while we ate (by talking I mean answer questions) but now it's becoming less and less acceptable since I'm getting older and expected to sit there and do nothing. The only way i compensate is by eating a lot, drinking lots of water and standing in the kitchen watching people cook. I try to dodge these gatherings as much as possible. I don't mind going to visit my grand-mothers even if theres some of the "cool" aunts and uncles. (mini gathering) When the ones who are just there to brag about the useless things they do or talk about nothing then it's when it gets unpleasant for me.

Bunch of rednecks all happy and dumb. It's all my mom's family though, so me and my dad keep to ourselves and just eat and talk to each other the whole time.

I have my ds and I have my blackberry that never leaves my side (using it to write this post). I think my family has gotten used to the idea that I don't participate much.

My family never celebrated holidays, but we would have family gatherings sometimes and there is about 70 members on my dad's side of the family

I used to pretty much just find a place to sit and talk/play with my sister and try to avoid my annoying cousin.


These days, now that I am on my own and don't have my sister with me, I'd probably just not go to any family gatherings
Fortunately, right now I am far away and pretty much estranged from my entire family so this isn't a problem.

Ah! Perfect! Sounds like a good place to be for me. I love dogs I used to spend most of the time playing with the dog when my aunt had one if we were over there. My cousin who also hosts some of these things has a pool so its pretty easy to avoid adults and such...

for family gatherings like christmas and stuff, the kids are always separated from the parents...even though some of the kids are parents now we still gather in the basement lol. when we were little the kids would usually play hide and go seek the whole time until our youngest cousin (at that time) got her fingers caught in a cabinet door and the parental units made us stop when we grew up we pretty much just hung out in the basement and talk, i didnt really participate but i still sat around with them (i have much less social anxiety with my cousins than with other people so i'm not as stressed), they always liked to chat but i didnt so i'd get really bored and stuff. since the wii came out, we've started a tradition that someone (usually me lol) would bring the wii and we'd play games together. i liked this cuz i could have some fun too sometimes we'd play poker too and apparently i'm a good bluffer lol. anyways, i always i always have my ipod classic, psp, ds and iphone with me in my purse with my noise cancelling headphones so if i get bored i can always play by myself and no one would mind. I actually had to use my ds with headphones at my cousin's bday party (at his house) cuz the noise was getting too loud for me. No one really comes to bother me when im playing on my own except for the little kiddies that want to see what i was doing

When it's good, I just tolerate it until it's time to go home or for others to leave.


When it's bad....booze. It doesn't make my AS better, but I at least don't mind the antics of others around me as much.

Last edited by zer0netgain on 10 Oct 2009, 7:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

I have a DS,PSP,GBA Micro,and Ipod Touch it seems like handhelds it is. Thanks for the tips (besides all the boring Hunting/fishing talk there'd be alot of people and not many places to sit although the guys are usually outside chatting up hunting fishing leaving most of the woman inside.

Ugh... we do, but I certainly enjoy it. It's always my mom's side of the family, because they are all located in the area. Well, I pretty much have 2 sets of cousins...the first are all 10-15 years older than I am, and I don't mind being around them. The second are younger than me, which I cannot stand, because I simply hate kids. SO whenever we get together, there's always this tremendous pressure from everyone to interact with my younger cousins, when I really do not want to. Second, the small talk really gets to me...usually there's a 2 hour period between the time we arrive until the time we eat. I always innocently grab a plate of snack, and sit down and eat, when people are constantly trying to talk to me and bombard me with stupid small talk. Things like, "How are you?" and "How is school?" and a million other related things...even when I only reply with one-word short answers, they can't seem to get it that I don't want to talk.

LEAVE ME ALONE! I JUST WANT TO EAT! You have to believe me when I say *I don't have anything to say*! !! !

I hate family gatherings, and I know what it's going to be like this Thanksgiving like it is for all of my family gatherings:

It's the same for every gathering. One of the adults asks me something (which I answer, of course), and then they blab on and on and ignore the kids (me and my sister). They're always so deep in conversation that they leave no room for my sister and I to say something. So I've learned to bring something with me to entertain myself. Like a book or a drawing pad to draw on, and so on. I never listen to music during these gatherings.

In situations like this, there is no "family" atmosphere for me. It's just all adults that don't want to talk to kids. Only adults that want to converse with other adults, never mind the kids. I don't even think they know I have Aspergers. And I have a feeling they won't keep their mouths still enough for me to tell them.

Last edited by Lung_Drac on 10 Oct 2009, 4:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

No family gatherings for me! Been avoiding them like plague, ever since I left home and got married.

People just let me be me really.
They automatically accept me as me because they've known me for so long and I'm a blood relative.

If there's too much going on they let me find a space by myself.
No one minds really.
I rejoin the group when I'm ready.
There's no pressure.
It's usually low key with not too many people.

They don't mind if I sit there or say nothing or do a show and tell in front of everyone.
I can relax, there are fewer expectations placed on me (other that I'm polite) and I don't have to be socially engaged 100% of the time. I can behave eccentrically and be polite at the same time or have a joke, because that's what the rest of them do.

There have been several occasions where I've been out on a walk outside with another relative to get away from the the chaos of a gathering.

Nobody minded, because they knew that's how I was.
The other relative was glad of the fresh air, exercise and getting away from the others.


I wish that other parties and gatherings I've been to had been like this.
I wish that 'time-outs' to re-cooperate were allowed at other events.