How did you manage to pay attention in school?

Post Reply New Topic

We have a 13 year old who has been on a form of Ritalin for a few years. Now it appears that he cannot pay attention at all in school, even though he is trying to, even though he is on the highest dosage for his medication. We can change meds, I suppose, but I am wondering what the alternative could be. If he continues on in this way, I am thinking that we might as well pull him out of school -- as it is so stressful now (after two very successful years at middle school) that there's no point in his going. This is unfortunate, in that he has a good group of friends and is doing BETTER socially.

When you were a kid in middle school or high school, how did you manage to pay attention if you didn't take meds? Do I just lower my expectations for this bright child? Do I just forget college for him completely? He is going from the honor roll to getting C's and B's, with things looking worse and worse. I am having to hover, and check with teachers, and hound him about homework -- it's miserable, for him and for us as his parents. Homeschooling seems like a wonderful alternative, except that even if we get with a homeschooling group of families, there won't be the day-to-day interaction with HIS FRIENDS that he has known for years. I think there's the possibility that homeschooling might be academically more beneficial for him, except that if he manages to get into college, how does he suddenly adapt to THAT after years of homeschooling and little to no pressure -- homeschooling makes it so that there is not so much in the way of time constraints, time pressure, noise, etc. Then suddenly, you go to college, and the whole middle school/high school problem comes back.

Medication has a big impact, so maybe he needs to be reevaluated. I didn't take medication, but my grades started to decline at that age, as well. I take medication now, which is why I emphasized its affect. I would take a closer look at his friends too. I'm not trying to imply that they're bad, or that he is bad, but I started failing at school when I started hanging around the wrong crowd, and my parents had no idea, because we seemed innocent. (I shouldn't even call it "the wrong crowd" because that's so judgmental and we were just kids.) This is just my two cents. I'm sure you will have other suggestions.

im 11 and i really have a hard time paying attention to. i take meds. im on adderall. the highest dosage and i still can never pay attention for more than a few mins. ahhhhh i dont know wat 2 do anymore!! !! !! !

I'm right where you are. My son is having an awful time at school, partly because paying attention is hard. He's not on an ADHD medication, but is on something to control mood disorder symptoms. He has trouble because they try to cram so much stuff in so quickly, and he gets lost. Once he's lost, thoughts about the special interest creep into his mind and stay there.

I'm seriously considering the homeschooling thing as well, and would love to find a HSing group. I actually did find out about one, but they only meet in my town/city one day a month, and on the other weeks they meet in neighboring cities, which isn't an acceptable option for us.

I know it's so hard to watch your child go from being a brilliant, enthusiatic kid with a thirst for learning, to being someone who struggles to get up in the morning because school has gotten so hard. My kid was reading at a 3rd grade level before he ever set foot in a school, and is a truly gifted writer. And yet he's failing the language arts classes, because he isn't able to focus on getting the assignments done. (And they give enough homework in middle school to kill a horse, and say, "this is to prepare him for high school, where he'll have three times as much homework.) He writes wonderful stories for his own enjoyment, but if he's given a specific topic to write about, he freezes up and can't even start.

Does your son have an IEP (or other personalized education plan, if you aren't in the U.S.)? His IEP should probably allow for some kind of modified assignments, extra time for getting things done, or whatever he needs. If he has an official disability, and not being able to pay attention as a result of the disability, the school has a legal obligation to accomodate that. Of course, it general takes them all year to figure out how to do that, and then the year is over and you're back to square one, trying to explain AS or whatever to yet another set of teachers.

There are ways of going to college without doing the traditional keg parties, dorms, and obligatory social life. I did it. It took about 13 years, but that was probably better in the long run.

By the way, I like knitting, too! My son is almost 12. Chances are you don't live anywhere near me, though.

I wasnt on meds at the time, however on classes that were not tactile (chemistry and math are tactile because of physical involvement to solve a problem) i would literally write down as much as was being said as possible. I had no way of knowing what was/wasnt important for test material. Higher level english, history, etc made my mind wander so much that i had to focus it into writing notes. Overall, i was an A/B student with this tactic, but it didnt make taking those tests that much easier (especially in Honors and Advanced Placement courses).

FaithHopeCheese, I hope that you're right. We have an appt. with a psychiatrist [because they understand meds better than a pediatrician -- I hope] to see about a change in meds, but it won't happen for another month. In the interim, we just have to slog through and hope that the grades don't completely go down the tubes. Also, we've tried other meds, briefly, with either no response or adverse reactions. It may be different now (he's two years older and MUCH bigger -- which actually may be part of the problem). I'm trying to prep myself just in case new meds aren't effective. You are right though, about friends and their affect on grades/school. I'm not worried about his current friends (they are either on the spectrum, or really good students from good families) -- but our older son's grades went down when his school friends weren't all that great.

Volcanic, it's really good to hear your perspective on this issue. Do you get really frustrated? Or are you only frustrated if your parents get upset? I always feel like I'm yelling at my son, then when I'm being more rational, I realize that he can't do anything about this -- he's trying as hard as he can. I get the feeling we will be trying Adderall as well. Have you ever had any problems with that medication?

elderwanda, wow, our situation sounds IDENTICAL. My son does have an IEP, and when things were going good [6th and 7th grade, back when the Metadate was working] I was very resistant to the idea of modified assignments. My thinking was that in the real world, nobody was going to modify job assignments for him, so why do it now? Well, I'm definitely rethinking this type of thing now. Just talked to his English teacher today about modifying assignments. It's absolutely necessary, lately.

And, elderwanda, you are from my old stomping grounds (or nearby). I grew up in Danville, CA and worked in San Francisco before my kids were born. This was long enough ago that Danville was still cow pastures, mostly -- unlike the high-class real estate that it has become! And you're a knitter too? Man, wish we lived closer! We could help each other in all sorts of situations! I now live in Pittsburgh, PA.

I was in school in the 70's and early 80's, when diagnosis and current drug therapies were not an option.

The short answer to your question is, "I didn't." The longer answer is that in classes where I was engaged on the subject (Math, Computer Science, Physics, Chemistry and Biology labs) I was easily able to focus. In classes where I was disengaged, I would pursue my own interests, with a sufficient amount of disguising to cover up my lack of attention.

Academically I was saved by an outstanding memory, and a gift for reading. I have always been an enthusiastic reader (the fights were never about bedtime, they were about lights out), and I have very good powers of retention. Left to read my texts or reading lists, I had the ability to produce the material on tests and exams.

Homework was a bigger problem. I had (and still have) a big problem with procrastination. Bad habits around producing work at the last minute saw me through school and university.

I've been on Ritalin almost my whole life and it's been a huge help, reduces my sensory sensitivities and helps me stay on task and to multitask.

My suggestion is that something in your kid's classroom may be giving him sensory issues, making it hard for him to concentrate even with the Ritalin (many autistics are irritated by older kinds of fluorescent lights found in many schools, for example). Also, if he doesn't have an IEP you should get one ASAP. This will let the school do things like change the lengths of assignments, give him an teacher's aide to help him, give guidelines to teachers about your kid's sensory issues and social faux pas, and maybe give him a quieter room to take tests in.

Whats wrong with Bs and Cs?

Why is someone with a brain dysfunction for which there is no treatment or cure being medicated?

Not everyone is suited to college. Some gain more in terms of learning on their own, than they ever get from the rigors of academia. I fully understand the value of a degree in the workplace, but if your son's an Aspie you're dealing with a person who's probably never going to be able to function adequately in a traditional work environment anyway.

You can't FORCE a person to become something they simply are not constructed to be.

Pressure doesn't always make success stories - sometimes it just makes bleeding ulcers.

I used to be like that. It's instinctual to daydream and it can be hard to control. I still daydream a lot and occasionally doze off in class if I can't help it, then beat myself up over it later. The thing is though, if he knew his life were on the line and that he'd die if he daydreamed, that would keep him focused. What he needs to remember is that he could end up poor and on welfare, getting mugged everyday by all the dumb savages in his trailer park if he dozes off. He just needs a reality check to get him more motivated. It takes a little bit of character development, but I'm sure he has it in him.

Also, does he watch a lot of television, because that's highly damaging to the attention span. So is internet use and a lot of electronic entertainment, depending on what you're doing. Typing something like this, however, requires thought and focus, so it's probably pretty good for the attention span. It's the hypnotizing affect. Television hypnotizes you. When you're not hypnotized, it can becomes much harder to focus.

I used to be like that. It's instinctual to daydream and it can be hard to control. I still daydream a lot and occasionally doze off in class if I can't help it, then beat myself up over it later. The thing is though, if he knew his life were on the line and that he'd die if he daydreamed, that would keep him focused. What he needs to remember is that he could end up poor and on welfare, getting mugged everyday by all the dumb savages in his trailer park if he dozes off. He just needs a reality check to get him more motivated. It takes a little bit of character development, but I'm sure he has it in him.

Also, does he watch a lot of television, because that's highly damaging to the attention span. So is internet use and a lot of electronic entertainment, depending on what you're doing. Typing something like this, however, requires thought and focus, so it's probably pretty good for the attention span.

Schleppenheimer, I've been reading some of your recent posts, RE: meds and your son. If I was in your position, I would forget about the meds. It sounds like you've exhausted your options in that department. It is important to realize that the educational environment may not be right for your son. I had to make a tough decision last year to stop going to public high school, because I could not get anything out of it. Too many social distractions, poor teachers, and poor curriculum caused much so much frustration, that I was having daily meltdowns. IMO, your unrealistic expectations (what's wrong with B's and C's?) are only making things harder for your son. This year, I enrolled in an independent study program that is done entirely on the computer. I love it, and learning is no longer a chore for me. It has dramatically reduced my stress levels. You should seriously revaluate the environment your son is being forced into. Try to see things from his point of view. Most parents would be stunned if they knew what their kids went through at school on a daily basis. Meds are clearly not working, and are certainly not an answer.

The main point here is: adapt the system to fit your son, don't adapt your son to fit the system!

For me, the problem at that age wasn't attention span. It was the fact that middle school had an over-reliance on group work. Back then, the kids were too obsessed with "cliquing up", and I was often left out (the people who were my 'real friends' were in the normal classes, and I was in advanced).

My grades improved after grade nine, when the other students spent more time thinking about their own futures rather than goofing off and making jokes at other student's expense.

At this stage, he might be going through a lot. Don't get angry at him over B's, but don't let his grades slip too much. While some people aren't the best at post-secondary, it's still one of the better places for someone with AS to end up. The other option is not going, and being stuck with a service industry job (which the average aspie has very little aptitude for) or manual labour.

Double post

Meds can help with focus, but I think with aspies, there's a huge element of not being able to focus on anything that's not at least related to an obsession.