How do the emotions of others effect you?
I am very sensitive to the emotions of others. If I'm talking to someone who's depressed, I can immediately identify with the depression, I can see the various dimensions of it, and it effects me in a very deep way. Almost all emotion I experience daily is by proxy of my environment; this is troublesome in a lot of ways because when someone is angry with me they not only want me to understand them, but they also require an emotional response to accompany it (not a mirror image of their emotional state). If they see me experiencing anger, then they only assume its either what they said or how they said it, which is entirely wrong and unfortunate because the first thing I processes is the emotion (its literally the first thing I perceive) then the verbal information, and the stronger the emotion the more difficult and slowed verbal processing becomes and the longer it takes me to respond. This almost always leads to misunderstands, arguing about arguing, and usually me going into a sensory meltdown while trying to explain myself. I understand people, I really do, but communicating that alone, in most cases, Isn't enough, and when someone directs strong emotion to me they usually expect an immediate genuine emotional response; I just don't have that, only a reflection.
Essentially, I have empathy to the point that it cripples me. I experience the emotions of others too strongly, while my own are too weak. I like most people, but my lack of comunication keeps me on the sidelines as an observer. Most everyone communicates with a full range of color and a nice canvas regarding their feelings for each other, and I'm stuck with graphing paper, a mechanical pencil, and a mirror; people will eventually understand how I feel but not until after I write and essay or practically give a lecture about it.
Anyone else experience empathy in this way?
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I'm having a bit of difficulty reading your post (can't focus properly). I did skim over your post and read the last part over a few times. It's me, not you.
I'll to answer this as best I can.
When someone is getting angry that I think for no reason it can make me annoyed. 'Just chill out' I yell. I don't like people that worry too much, much like my mother.
When people are sad I'm stiff (as in my body won't move, my mind won't work). I want to help but can't.
When people are happy and I'm really down I will get frustrated with them, maybe even yell at them, but I usually get as far away from them and glared at them. 'Do you have to be so Goddamn happy all the time?' my mind says.
When people are angry I'm petrified. I would get away from them to argue with them.
I think I experience emotion too strong that it can cripple me or make me act out in strange ways. It's hard to control myself when I'm too happy/sad/angry. When I get really frustrated it's like a bomb goes off in my brain.
I think that I feel peoples emotions too strongly too and so I react negatively to it, unless I'm experiencing the same emotion. If my friend and I are excited about the same thing their emotion will not bother me. We are at equilibrium. If we're both annoyed by something, like we usually are we'll just keep going on about what annoys us and I'll not get irritated with them. But if I was not annoyed I'd roll my eyes at them.
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AngelRho
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Emotions? Do people actually HAVE those? (Sorry, Aspie humor).
Seriously, though, I think you are confusing the word "empathy" for "sympathy." The word "empathy" is a pop psychology and business workplace buzzword. You see it in a lot of self-help books and new age crap, too. There are good reasons why it has come into such common use, but the overuse of it is, well, pathetic!
The reason why "empathy" is used so much is someone, or maybe a group of people, figured out that you can't really feel what someone else is feeling (not really true in all cases, but that's popular thought for you). It's like pretending that you can crawl into someone's mind and heart and instantly know EXACTLY what it is they are thinking and feeling as though you were thinking and feeling it yourself. Another way of looking at it is how people used to say something like "I know how you feel, I went through the exact same thing 5 years ago..." At issue is the context of the statement--very likely two people in such a conversation are talking about two very different situations, times, different personalities, and other circumstances. So saying "I know how you feel" appears to be absurd when you look at it that way.
That's why we use the word "empathy," rather than "sympathy." "Sympathy" refers not just to knowing how someone feels related to a similar experience, but actually feeling the same emotions alongside another person (at the same time). It's like strings on a piano: With the damper pedal down, a vibrating string causes pressure waves that cause other strings to also vibrate. Strings that are harmonically related to the struck string will ring the loudest, and we refer to that as "sympathetic vibration." An example of this in human behavior might be found in a Bible passage advises people to weep when other people weep, laugh when other people laugh, and so on. That's the heart of sympathy.
"Empathy" is completely different. It denotes an understanding of the situation. A blanket "I know how you feel" isn't often comforting for other people. I used to be a big fan of the book "7 Habits for Highly Effective People" until I figured out that it only works when your working with a team that's totally on board with your ideas and goals. One of the habits mentioned is "Seek first to understand, then be understood." So the first step in empathy is to listen. The next step is to paraphrase what that person just said to you. That shows that you're actually paying attention. And if what you say isn't in agreement with what they said, then it gives them a chance to clarify. Repeat process until agreement is reached, and you look like a good, kind, loving, and understanding friend. The last step is to get your point across, which is something no one ever seemed really interested in if it ever had anything to do with what I had to say! But empathy is that state of being when you communicate to someone that you have listened to them and you truly do understand what they have to say.
Like I said earlier, it's a pop psychology, warm and fuzzy, feel-good word that people throw around a lot and don't really understand what it means. Therefore, it's become a clichéd buzzword that doesn't really mean anything anymore!
So... I think you are a very sensitive, sympathetic soul. Personally, I don't get too caught up in other people's emotions. My problem is that while I do understand other's emotions, I just don't know exactly how to address them. For example, one of my piano students quit on my this week, an interesting coincidence because she'd had a terrible lesson the week before. While I often get to be the nice, gentle, loving, fatherly type who gets to sit back and smile on those cute kids while they play for me, I'm also the coach on the sidelines, pushing and pushing and yelling and encouraging and correcting... And what happens is the stress level builds, the child gets frustrated, and before I figure out what's happened, I've got one in tears. Yeah, I go military on 'em sometimes, but I'm only trying to get the very best out of my students. Someone more "in-tune" might know how to regulate that kind of intensity. I just can't reconcile that with teaching performance under pressure.
Another problem I have is, rather than dealing with the emotions of people, I immediately start looking for a solution. My wife gets so pissed off at me sometimes because of this. She'll be telling me about a problem she has at work and I'll start going on and on about what to say to her boss to make things better, give her a pep talk, or mention what the Bible has to say about it. While I know my advice is good, it's not welcome, and we come to blows over that more times than we should! I'm getting better, but it's figuring out "hey, just shut up and let her talk" that I struggle with. And that goes for everyone around me. I feel like, "y0, shut up before you make yourself look like an idiot."
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LuxoJr
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It depends on the person and my relationship with them.
If it's someone like a close friend then if they are mad then I simply act calmly around them. But most of my friends are rarely angry, but if they ever are, they try to calm down. But I have quite a few friends who blow up easily, who are usualy the friends who also have any ASDs. If they blow up, I become kind of intimidated by them but I try to calm them. And if they are sad or depressed I immediately care, but I can never do anything about it. With certain friends I have stronger relationships with, the more I care.
Now if it's a stranger or someone I am not acquainted with and they are angry, I just become afraid and try to avoid them since I dont exactly know how they would react to any of my actions towards them. If they are sad I care somewhat, mostly because I hate seeing people upset in general. Only with certain people do I have empathy and imnmediately feel their same emotions
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i'm not sensitive to all emotions. most of the time other people get angry about things that don't bother me so i have trouble relating. i guess they would say the same thing about me since i get mad when people break tiny rules.
i am very sensitive to pain and sadness. maybe it's just that i've seen to much of these things. someone telling me a sad story or even a sad commercial can reduce me to tears.
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Like nails on a chalkboard........and terribly frightening sometimes
Mics
When I see a commotion where two people are screaming or where one person is screaming, I feel tensed inside. I get uncomfortable and I feel scared. Same as when people start cursing.
I remember the man on the train to work and he was crying asking for money and then he gets louder and louder. I got uncomfortable and felt scared inside because I wasn't sure if he was going to start attacking. But once he was given money finally, he stopped and he was back to normal. He could have been faking it because he never got off the train or even went into the airport for food when he got off.
Also when my dad gets mad and he is cursing and yelling and slamming things, I get uncomfortable.
I often feel detached to emotions and all I feel are my own. If it effects me, I feel them. It's rare for me to feel for others or to even pick up what they are feeling as if their emotions are contagious.
My husband has bad feet and he is in pain but do I feel for him? No. But I do ask how are his feet and stuff because they are getting worse and it's going to be effecting me too financially. I sometimes feel bad for not feeling anything for him.
Me too. I cannot be near people that are angry. I tense up. When my mum yells I just sit very quietly, then she yells at me for not helping her. If she is getting agitated about finding something she expects me to help her look for it.
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That is a bit odd, because eventually, the emotion will come back because the source is the same.
I would much rather not have anything to whine about than useless reconciliation, which I hate even when not thinking rationally.
So, to me, this makes no sense.
And asking why this is so will not help, at least, asking your wife will not help.
Maybe there is a name for this sort of thing, so I can research and understand it.
CockneyRebel
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