How would you describe your sense of Self?

Post Reply New Topic

I have read that many of us with AS have a very fluid sense of self. By that I feel is meant a self that is difficult to see the world in an intigrated way, thus very prone to black and white thinking.

How would you describe your sense of self?

There is a spirit or soul inside of me. That spirit is unique and finite. I exist once in the grand infinity of the universe. My spirit is infused by the maker, whatever that is.

All personal enlightenment is within my soul. I also call this my essence. My own essence can be known to me, if I drop all ego defenses.

My essence is like my divine life force. I believe everyone is created with this, however some have lost theirs due to their being two forces - a life valuing force (ie.God) and a life destroying force (ie.Devil).

I am most truly myself when I am touch with my spirit. I can see my spirit using meditation. I can feel it. I can visualize and I can define what makes me, me.

By, the same token that spirit is precious and I must protect it. It's my life force. To fully be human is to share an give of my spirit, but I must also be wary of giving too much, because this can harm me.

I'm a little boy stuck in a growedups body, fragmented
and split up from accidents and explosions in the past,
still repairing the damage done bu criminals and lalafacters.

That is so beautiful

Thank you

I get black-and-white thinking, but I can never stop there. First I examine one side, then the other and often come to conclusions or raise questions that expose extremely gray areas, and in fact sometimes offend people staunchly planted on both sides. I can easily philosophize on subjects most others insist are sharply defined absolutes.

Too many years studying mysticism, I guess. Nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout.


I see us all as droplets flung up from the crest of a wave - suspended in the air, we have the momentary illusion of individuality and independence - but ultimately we belong to the singularity that is the ocean.

You're welcome and thank you.

My sense of self...

I think I am very attuned to my experience and perspective. I think I understand myself better than most people understand themselves. It probably has something to do with the amount of alone time I have and the constant analysis I do about everything. So, I think my understanding of self is very accurate.

The problem is that I'm at a total loss when I try to understand how other people perceive me. The perspective others have of me is probably very different than my self perspective. I understand this is the case for everyone, but I think having AS makes this difference much greater.

In many situations, people won't tell you what they really think of you, but most people can read the non-verbal stuff. The non-verbal stuff is probably more accurate for figuring out what the other people really think. By missing that, you have limited information, and the information is more likely to be untruthful.

Does that make sense?

Mine is very similar to crocus. Plus something that resembles past-life flashbacks.

That's quite beautiful. I was wondering, if you experience your self as being connected to the whole, as in the ocean, and your individuality as a termporary illusion, do you not experience separateness from the whole very much? I'm curious.




I find that this has been a huge problem for me. I understand myself very well, as you do. However, there seems to be a perpetual chasm of understanding between how I know I am, my own self perception, and how I am perceived. It's extremely seldom that I feel accurately understood. I think this is one of the most painful and alienating aspects of AS, at least for me it is. I honestly feel like an alien to most people.




The problem with NTs relying on non-verbal cues to read people is that it doesn't work the same for reading Aspies or Autistics. It's like they need a translation manual.




This something that resembles past-life flashbacks, that you get - is it anything like being in-tune to the collective unconscious, if you're familiar with that?

I get that too, but past-life flashbacks are different. Sometimes they're flashes from a parallel universe self, of my life gone down a different path. Other times they're flashes connecting my current interests, qualities, and darkness to things that may have happened before. Yet other times it's the distinct realization that the past is never gone, the linearity of time is an illusion, and that all my past lives are concurrent and are happening right now, and always.

All my life I keep walking the dangerous line between the grounded self (i.e. how most people are), and the uh... flashes.

Last edited by monsterland on 21 Apr 2010, 4:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

^Sort of like this^

I'm not sure, but I will say when I think of the eons of history past or look up at the night sky and gaze at the stars and fully realize my insignificance; I am strangely comforted. Takes the pressure off.

I'm a 35 year old Mod, who looks, acts and thinks like Mick Avory. I'm a die-hard Kinks Fan, and I like other groups that were a part of the British Invasion. I'm a highly sensitive person, and I wouldn't choose to hurt anybody.

I'm not taken in by aesthetic beauty , and am' inclined to move to the central nature of things.
People look at something ,say a 'flower ', and stop right there and notice the beauty alone.
I look at it as why is colored or symmetrical ,and emits an odor/fragrance etc.
How and why does it tie- in within the nature of the world, i.e. bee's and certain birds are attracted to it ,and pollinate it and it starts to get more complex here.

I sense that a lot of people literally stop and smell the roses, but fail ' to want anything more out of it' as they just they procreate and live 7 or 8 decades and die 'none the wiser'.( an oxymoron here)
In fact I sometimes sense the inclination is 'to not want to know an answer', as it disrupts the immediate surface impressions ,hence they are more comfortable with an unknown.
(Would rather believe in something that suites their own thinking i.e. that reality is how you want to see it.)

I think I sense 'that dynamic side' that everything is in a state of flux and that reality is infinitely more than violet ,blue, green, orange,and red.

I'm at the same time both a slave and servant to my memories, everything perspectiveless until that perfect moment of recall reveals its insight.

childhood thru teens brandon struggled to fit in. anxiety and general akwardness prevented him from really enjoying life. then he made me. sort of a yin yang coexistance in the same mind. since adulthood i became the dominate but he does peek his head out from time to time