Shyness Poll

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Are you shy?

It seems to be a coming disbelief, that if you have AS, you are automatically shy, but I'm not really that shy, well, I guess I am a little bit with certain people (peers) but I am not shy with adults at all.

I said a little shy, because I do feel shy or anxious on occasion. But I'm not nearly as shy as people tend to assume that I am. It seems that if you don't talk much, people assume it's because you're shy. And I guess there are worse things for people to assume.

I have trouble understanding what shyness is exactly. When I was a kid I was assumed to be shy, and I assumed so myself, but what I really wanted was to be outgoing. I just didn't know how to do it, because I felt awkward and never knew quite what to say. Being "shy" was a convenient label. If being shy means that I am afraid of social encounters, that's true, but it's because I don't know how to handle them.

I'm shy in my own way. I won't hide behind my mum when meeting any new person (lol!). I will just put on an act and attempt to mask the fact that I am feeling a little shy. Usually, if I can avoid it, I will not ever have the first word when talking to someone.

I am usually in the presence of my close friend, who understands me well. At school, say, if we needed to get a new bus pass or something, I would approach the office lady, then look meaningfully at my friend, who will then ask for me, as I just can't get the words out. I will be fine after that.

I guess shyness and the aspie trait of social awkwardness are often confused, and the definition of shyness as well.

_________________
Aspie 172/200 Undiagnosed, but pretty sure I have it.
'Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure.'

I'm extremely quiet, but only a little bit shy. I just don't have anything to say most of the time, and I don't see the point of talking just for the sake of it. Talk to me about something I'm really interested in and I probably won't shut up.

I'm not shy at all.
I HATE being called shy, it's one of my biggest pet-peeves.

I was mute as a young child and then when I got a little older I just found myself unable to speak, I hated people calling me shy as if I was delicate in some way, and because shyness is to do with low self-esteem where as my lack of socialisation or communication was down to something else, just at the time I didn't know what that 'something else' was at the time to be able to explain. I hated my mother telling people I was shy, can't tell you if my objection was because I wasn't shy but just trapped, or because I thought of this as my mother making excuses for me as if she was embarrassed. Either way when people call me shy the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and I can't help but say through gritted teeth 'I am NOT shy'

I am an odd mix of certain traits lol.

Now, If I like someone and I want them to like me too...then I will be a little shy around them for a while.

If I do not care if they like me or not because I either don't like them or I am neutral in regards to them, its more that I do not really want to socialise with them sometimes. If they are disturbing me at a time when my brain is off in it's own world it does not want to know lol.

On the other hand I can, around some, be very nervous because of a past history of bullying...that happens most around my own peer group.

Socialising is also exhausting to me so that is a factor as well.

I am not shy around old people at all and never was as a child though. I could approach any adult and start talking away about something I was interested in at the time. In fact I was known for wandering off and talking to strangers...I usually got an ice-cream out of it as well. I remember my mum telling me about it happening at the seaside when I was only about 3 or 4 years old. I had wandered off and she was in a panic. 20 or so minutes later she saw me walking down the pier with a man who had apparently bought me an ice-cream. On returning me my mum said to him "sorry about that...she wandered off", to which he replied "Don't worry about it we have been having the most fascinating conversation" lol.

Even now I will still talk to old people more than my own peers and if I am out and must mingle with anyone it will always be with the grey haired pensioner sat at the opposite table lol. Old people are really interesting and have lots of fascinating stories to tell about how life was back in 'their day'.

I could never mix so well with my peers though and have been unable to make friends with them for many years now.

Some people say that shyness is a learned behavior and not genetic. I highly disagree with this. Even when I was only 3 years old I was considered to be shy. Towards the later years of primary school I sort of grew out of it as I realized people weren't out to get me, and I started talking a lot more, although I still wasn't a very chatty person. Then in the seventh grade I started seeing that everything was about getting women and clothes and sports and stuff, none of that I have any interest in. I saw people being made fun of for not caring about those things, so I decided to keep my mouth shut. To this day I have been shy, because I know that I'm different and people don't like that.

For me, it depends on the circumstances. Small talk? Colleagues at work? Parties? Chatting at church? I am painfully, painfully shy.

On the other hand, thanks in part to some excellent public speaking training I received at the ripe old age of 7 (at which point I was beating grade 6 students in public speaking competitions), give me a crowd of 100 or more, and I do great. Even better if I have a few pounds of bent brass tubing in front of my face (i.e. trombone).

I'm usually pretty to very shy until I get comfortable with people.

I voted a little shy, but only on average. Depending on my mood it can vary and varied in the past. As a child I wasn't afraid of strangers but I kept distance.

In elementary school I become more shy in general finding myself in stressing situations with both peers and adults. Some teachers really frightened me. I had behavioral problems with my peers and disturbing the classes, so I wasn't the ideal well-behaved child.

When I have the mood I'm the exact opposite of shy, initiate talk, acting very awkward, being blunt or rude. Sometimes without noticing that I'm so in this state. To prevent this happening one of my most handy methods are to remain shy. I hold this position until I see an opportunity to come out of my 'shell'.

Used to be VERY shy.

Now I just don't care that much.

I'm not sure shy quite describes it anyway. Shy is more like wanting to interact but being afraid, right? Whereas I just didn't interact.

I was not a wall flower. I was the wall.

I don't understand what shy means, but I'm called shy quite a lot, whatever that is worth.

I'm extremely shy. Other people's energy, assertiveness and (often undeserved) self confidence leave me feeling completely drained, so avoidance is my number one defense. If trapped into social discourse I can more or less hold my own, but I'll do almost anything to avoid being so trapped. I'm pretty good about standing up for my rights, but the negotiations will more often be by email than face-to-face confrontation.

I've met more people on the spectrum who would be considered outgoing than shy people...and I know many people on the spectrum in general. As for myself...people say I'm very outgoing because of the way I come across, but I actually am an introvert.