Responding when people talk to you?

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Does anybody else frequently not listen when being talked to?

I find there are usually two reasons why. Firstly, if I am focusing intensely on something else (e.g. the computer), I will miss 95% of what's said. The other big reason is that I am very often deep deep in thought, conversing and reasoning with myself in my mind, and so other people's talking tends to become background noise relative to the intense thinking.

At work I always seem to be the last to hear about things (e.g. somebody leaving to find a new job, etc.). I always get told I was right there when it was discussed the first time and I get frequently told "where were you?? you were sat right here yesterday when we were talking about it!" and I feel confused for having missed the conversation.

This is a huge problem in my personal life as my significant other often tests me and asks 'so what did I just say?' and if I get it wrong (I almost always do) she gets upset.

I find it insulting when someone ceases to listen to or understand me and, instead of indicating this, lets me continue speaking.

It might help to focus better on the conversation, deliberately.

You have to consciously rid yourself of any attractive interruptions when listening to somebody conversing with you. It helps if the other person notifies you of their desire to have you listen. They could do this, for example, by saying "Yourname, I want to talk to you." That would be your cue to deliberately stop what you are doing and turn to focus on them entirely. They should know you are trying hard, and encourage your efforts, not attempt to trick you by asking what they just said. You should in fact respond to what they are saying, if you're able to.

But unfortunately this won't work on the job. No one there is likely to want to notify you that they are now saying something important. Coworkers' conversations kind of slide right by an Aspie's radar and you can never tell when it's important to listen closely or when it's just stupid gossip. I have never found a solution for this workplace problem. I believe you are socially doomed at work, and should focus your career choices on having as few coworkers as possible in the future.

It's not as hard for me to pay attention to what is being discussed as it is to keep myself from blurting out whatever I want to say or starting a monologue that nobody wants to listen to.

It's not as hard for me to pay attention to what is being discussed as it is to keep myself from blurting out whatever I want to say or starting a monologue that nobody wants to listen to.

It's not as hard for me to pay attention to what is being discussed as it is to keep myself from blurting out whatever I want to say or starting a monologue that nobody wants to listen to.

I'm the opposite. I can't focus intensely if there's any sort of talking going on. It's impossible for me to try to ignore it.

I'm the same, my mind wanders very quickly. Its at its worst in a group situation and I cant contribute to the conversation, I find it impossible to focus on whats being said, get lost in thought, and forget theres even a conversation taking place until someone addresses me directly.

I find it easier to focus one on one but it gets harder the more uninteresting the conversation is too me. I always try my best though as I don't want to seem rude but it can be exhausting. Although when I'm on ADHD meds its a lot easier, but I dont sleep on them so don't take them all the time.

I'm also the opposite as well.

Im pretty much the same as OP. Often when people are talking to me I cant follow the conversation as my mind is going a mile a minute just processing everything that is going on, and what i should be doing to make it seem like Im interested (should I make eye contact now? should I look at the gestures they're making with the hands etc). Then they'll finish what they have to say and there will be an awkward silence because they expect me to reply, but I ended up missing most of what they said. Its basically what caused me and my ex to break up, as she thought that I was just being rude and never listened to her.

It makes small talk kind of impossible for me too, so I've ended up hating going anywhere where its expected (barbers, taxi's etc), and making new friends is nigh on impossible.

It's fairly common for people with AS to block everything out when we're focused on something interesting. There was a girl I used to study art with and one day she came up to me and said hi and I just quickly looked at her and she said "oh, I wasn't expecting that, you usually never respond"

On the other hand, my father (who I'm fairly sure is autistic) often doesn't respond to questions. You ask him something and he seems to ignore you, you ask again and still no reaction, you shout at him, he says why are you shouting, you say "because you're not answering my question", he says "well, I don't know the answer". He doesn't seem to realise that he needs to respond whether he knows the answer or not. That, and he generally takes a million years to respond to ANYTHING anyway.

Oh well!! !! !

I usually hear everything; it's when I'm doing something else or deep in thought that I don't really respond.
Or, sometimes I have nothing to say. I think some people take that as "ignoring," but the conversation must end somehow.

How intently I listen to someone is a function of how much I respect them. If I don't respect you, I won't look up from what I'm doing. I'm not consciously trying to be rude, it's just when I don't respect you, I can't be bothered to listen to you. That really sounds like I'm a dick but it's not intentional. Also, when I have headphones on, I'll almost always ignore people unless they're extremely important to me. The reason why is that I've found when people assume you can't hear them, they speak their mind.

I don't like it when people don't make sure they have your attention when they start talking to you then take offense when they find out you are not listening. Even when they do if I am not that interested my mind will go somewhere else no matter how hard I try to listen or how important it is.

I have problems responding to people when they talk to me.

It's bad when they just barge in and I'm already focussed on something else. I sometimes think I should get a card printed that says "ToughDiamond values your input and requests that you wait a while so that he can give your important ideas his full attention." I'm sure there are lots of similarly diplomatic things that I could say, but I can't usually divert my attention away from what I'm doing fully enough to work something out, without losing my place in what I was doing before they spoke. My first gut reaction is annoyance and a desire to push them away, but I hardly ever do that because it doesn't go down well. It hasn't made it any better that my job is scientific - I really have to think hard to do that properly, especially when the employer arranges things so that I have to rush.

Really all they have to do is to watch me and wait for me to reach a natural break in what I'm doing, or wait for me to look at them and ask them what they want. They could also ask me if I'm busy before they launch into anything complex. I try to wait for a free input peripheral before I talk to anybody, but mostly I end up never saying it, especially if they're talking to others....they don't seem to notice me waiting, and their conversations just go on and on. I don't do that - whenever I'm in conversation and somebody approaches, I know they're waiting to speak. The only difficult part is being masterful enough to interrupt the person already talking to me so that I can hear what the newcomer wants.