Concerning Social Anxiety

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Since I began my research into Asperger’s, I’ve tried noting which symptoms and traits I possess and which I don’t. Being that I worked in grocery stores for over 6 years, I had no reason to suspect I had any form of social anxiety. But recently, I’ve looked into some of the thoughts that go through my head in social situations and noticed that they are very similar to what socially anxious people report thinking. I don’t have the same physical reactions to social situations, so I’m really not sure what to conclude.

For example, in any public place, I always need to sit with my back to a wall (actually, I do that at home too). I fine-tuned my gait to remove any irregularities so no one would think me odd for the way I walked. In general, I err towards being overly polite so as to avoid any conflict I can. Essentially, I am always distinctly aware that the people around me are possibly watching me and judging me based on what I am doing. However, despite the storm going on in my head, I have no physical sensation of anxiety, and my face retains its usual nigh-expressionless gaze.

So my question is essentially this: Is constantly being very aware of people around you and changing your mannerisms and actions according to their perceived thoughts considered social anxiety of any form?

I suppose the possible answers are these:
- That’s normal for everyone; stop worrying about it.
- It’s likely some form of social anxiety.
- You’re freakin’ paranoid!

I welcome all thoughts, flames, protests, and grammar corrections.

It's all three. Let me give you some very useful information. People don't care. Most people do not have enough invested in you to even notice most of these things. People only begin to care when their personal interests get involved. There's a lot of people in the world, and no one has the time to watch everyone, so relax. You'll be fine just so long as you don't do anything really stupid to draw attention to yourself. Just be

Troy-Guther,

Therein lies the conundrum. I understand, intellectually, that people don't care what I'm doing, and I don't really care about their opinions either. Their opinions are very unlikely to affect me. However, knowing these things doesn't seem to help as much as I would like. I am still very aware of the people around me and change my mannerisms to suit their perceived tastes.

I know this, but still can't make the constant social anxiety stop. Its like a perfectionist obsession now.

OP do you scrutinise\analyze\judge other people (in your head) ? I do this, and assume that everyone else does the same to me, hence causing even more anxiety

I tend to analyze everything around me, including people, so yes.

I used to think this was normal, but I recently asked my girlfriend if she did the same things and she told me that she doesn't even consider what people around her are doing/thinking unless they directly interact with her.

I suppose my main question for this thread would be whether or not this type of thinking is really a type of social anxiety or just something else?

Also, it might be that my definition of "anxiety" is a bit off. If anyone would care to define it better for me, that would be great.

Easier said than done. I know than most people probably don't actually care, but that doesn't stop the anxious thoughts though. Sometimes I'm ok but other times I can't help but feel that everyone is judging every move I make and every word I say.

I don't think it's social anxiety unless it's causing you anxiety and stress.

If I wasn't nearly as proficient at making a fool of myself as I am, I wouldn't have any sort of social anxiety.

Yeah, I agree with you. And what makes it worse is that people need to point it out to me afterwords. On rare occasions I notice right after I have said/done something wrong. I used to overuse the word "Sorry."

Sounds like the kind of anxiety I have

For me this is more of a generalized anxiety, but it is sort of social anxiety, too.

It's not that I'm shy, but I have to have things very controlled in public. I get stressed by everything that goes on and people don't help.

But overall, I'm not terribly socially anxious. I can be a bit shy when first meeting someone but have no real trouble in small groups of people, I just hate being bombarded.

That's me too.
Including the years in retail.
Which is likely why the damned head doctor discarded my idea that I have an ASD

My logic: Social anxiety is being nervous about unpredicatable social interactions which you may encounter or may be demanded of you: Surprise topics, unvoiced requests, the interaction of making friends, not upsetting folk by saying the wrong thing, etc.

Working in a customer service industry (such as stock boy, cashier, etc) has a lesser anxiety attatched to it because you are working within a frame of rules when dealing with customers:

Customer is coming to you with a desire to purchase an item
Your job is either to find them the item, or sell them the item, or take their money and hand back their change and a receipt. Their main purpose in coming to you is to acquire something you are in a position to provide. Speaking involved in the process is easily kept to the topic of your store's product, and if you can do that, the interaction is successful.
There is a formula!

Call inventory a special interest for the time you work there and hey kudos you'll do fine!

What I'd be looking at is how well do you manage with coworkers at the workplace. THATS where I always have trouble. And yet I do my best to always be overly polite (as you described of yourself) as much as I can.

Is that what social anxiety is? is unpredictable social interactions the key? Thats the problem I have..

When I was in school, focusing on a particular school subject was always fine with me.. lunchtime conversation just didnt happen.. and recently Ive developed problems getting out of the house.. though my doctor was puzzled as I seem to have no problem going to and from work and interacting with clients (though i am always to the point and there is no small talk)

Is it usually "selective" like that (only in certain situations)?

I think you're on to something here.

So I guess the majority opinion is that it's not causing enough of an issue to call it social anxiety, but neither is it normal. On the plus side, I don't feel as if I'm paranoid now.

I suppose the form of social problems I have is just general problems due to Asperger's.

This is exactly the way I feel about things. As long as I have a role and I know the rules of my role, I am fine. I had to learn a script when I started my job as a cashier several years ago. I used that script for every customer interaction until the day I quit. If the conversation went on long enough that my script was exhausted, I pretty much stared quietly at anything but the customer until I had completed the transaction.

As for dealing with coworkers, that's always been the tougher issue. To use nerdymama's term, they are unpredictable. And bosses add another layer of problems to interactions; I have to take care not to act like I know how to do something better than them or they get irate. By the time I quit my last job in the grocery business, every person who had authority higher than mine loathed me. Sadly, I seem to be on my way towards the same thing in my new job (peon at a pension company). I really have a knack for annoying people unintentionally.

For me I think of my social anxiety as predominantly having an effect on me when I don't have what I refer to as "mutual context" with the other people.... I had a job in a quiet retail store for a few months once and could cope with the social demands of relating to customers quite easily because both parties kind of knew what the interaction was based around... but going up to someone and starting a conversation is much harder because the other person doesn't have the same parameters in their head and might not pre-empt you talking to them or have been thinking or interested in talking to or helping you .... In my mind it's a bit like the difference between trying to swim in the ocean vs. the backyard pool if you're not a confident swimmer. Hope what I'm ATTEMPTING to say makes sense, don't know if anyone else quite relates.

You might have one of three things going on:

*mirroring - I do this constantly and has really become a coping mechanism for me.
*because you lack the social skills of NT's you may just have gotten into the habit of adjusting your behavior to what you think is correct for the moment based on past experience and observation. there is probably some anxiety in this but I would think it is not all about anxiety.
*perhaps it is a combo of both of those things

hope that helps