Do you guard your privacy very carefully?

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If people want to know personal things about you that you'd rather not answer, do you find ways to deflect their questions? Do you go to lengths to keep things about yourself/your lifestyle private from others? Do you think guarding privacy is common among aspies?

Yeah. I know what it's like to have people suspect you of having something to hide or doing something wrong simply because you want to keep some things to yourself.

It really depends on what it is. If someone has a genuine interest I don't mind telling them. If it's just somebody being nosey I will tell them flat out that it's none of their business.

I think this varies by culture... in the US, people kinda have a little "summary of themself" when they are introduced to someone new, and it goes along the line of what they do for a living, and about their kids. Some of the things I've read about british culture, even that much is way too forward. Though, I cannot speak from experience, just only what I've read. So what would be "keeping things to yourself" in one place, would be common courtesy in another place. I don't fit society's ideals in many ways, thus I do not go around voluntarily giving people things to judge me over... which in itself probably gives them something to judge me on, huh? Short answer, for where I live, in the US, yes, I guard my privacy.

I had to learn how to guard my privacy, and it took me a long time and a lot of practice. I used to just tell people pretty much anything they asked. I would just answer automatically, like they just pushed a button and the truth came out. Sometimes later I'd think, ugh I shouldn't have told them that, or I at least shouldn't have answered honestly. But in the moment they asked me the question I was never able to stop and think about it.

I finally learned, really just in the last 2-3 years, to be wary of people asking questions, and hold myself back from answering right away. I will ask people, why do you want to know? and they usually take the hint and drop it, or else they've got to give a valid reason. Sometimes I just give vague answers and change the subject.

I have a hard time saying, "none of your business." I wish I could get those words out, because I truly feel most things people ask me are out of bounds. I don't like chatting with random people about my life. But I figure people will get huffy with me if I refuse to answer, or else they might start imagining all kinds of crazy ideas about why I won't answer. I don't offer much information about myself in conversation, so I think people get really curious about me.

Sometimes if somebody asks me something that I don't think is their business I will answer with a crazy false answer.

Right after we moved here a stranger was grilling me about why we picked this town. He wanted to know if we have relatives here, if we know anyone here, if my husband worked around here, and all of those had "is that why you moved here?" at the end. Finally I just leaned over toward him, looked left and right to make sure nobody was listening and whispered "witness protection program" and just nodded and gave him that serious look.

He left me alone from then on.

Another time I was at a yard sale and the lady had a big cast iron cauldron for sale. The kind on three legs thats huge and looks like something a witch would use. I wanted it for a planter on my porch and so I started taking the other items out of it to see if there was already a hole in the bottom of it or if I would need to get my husband to make one. If there wasn't one I was going to use that fact to get her to come down on the price. She asked what I was doing. I told her I wanted to see if there was a hole in it. She said very loud and suspiciously "WHY??? What are you going to use it for????" I'm sure she was thinking I was going to be doing some sort of voodoo rite with it (and most people down here wouldn't put that past a Catholic like me) so I said with a sincere look on my face "I'll need it to boil the blood in when I sacrifice the baby goat under the moonless sky" Then I left, because as pretty as Mums would look in that iron cauldron, it wasn't worth giving that nosey woman my money.

I'm usually like an open book - don't have too much to hide, other than info that could be used for identity theft, of course.

I'm a very private person. The people I'm most open with are not my family members, but my two friends, but even with them there's a lot of stuff I keep to myself. I also try to deflect questions I'm not too keen on answering, but I don't think I'm really good at it.

If people want to know personal things about you that you'd rather not answer, do you find ways to deflect their questions?

Yes.

Do you go to lengths to keep things about yourself/your lifestyle private from others?

Yes.

Do you think guarding privacy is common among aspies?

Yes.



TheSunAlsoRises

I'm very open about most personal things, but I keep finances and assets and stuff like that private for safety and just good etiquette. But if I have a stomach problem, I'll say so, and I'll openly discuss my high functioning autism, and that I was a virgin 'til age 30, and that I take all kinds of pills for heart issues and stuff. I don't care what people think about me in regard to that stuff. I have no problem asking at the pharmacy "what kind of ointment should I use for a hemorrhoid itch", in front of others. If someone asks something that I don't feel is appropriate or I'm not comfortable answering, I'll say exactly that... "I don't care to discuss those things as a rule; sorry". I won't beat around the bush about it, because if I'm direct, they might be more likely to respect my wishes and not ask more similar questions.

When I was a teen and younger, however, I probably cared a lot and would have been embarrassed or shy to have stuff like that discussed in public.

Charles

This was a HUGE issue for me my senior year in High School. I had just moved to Shreveport, La. from Florda. And that was less than a year after my parents splitting up & my sister being killed in an accident. In Florida, no one cared, but here..
Everyone asked very personal questions & kept poking at my pain (it seemed that way!)all the bloody time. Never was sure how to say "it hurts don't ask me that!" so I became very evasive though I'm a very honest person. It gave me a bad reputation as "unreliable" there.

Matthew

If people want to know personal things about you that you'd rather not answer, do you find ways to deflect their questions? Yes, I have often tried to deflect personal questions. But recently I have found it is easier to answer directly than avoiding it.

Do you go to lengths to keep things about yourself/your lifestyle private from others? Yes, I have in the past. yet I now regret doing so, as I suspect this may have played a part (perhaps only a small part) in my inability to make friends.

Do you think guarding privacy is common among aspies? I cannot answer this as I have not had any interaction with other people diagnosed with aspergers.

Rarely. Usually I either attempt to answer correctly, or I say nothing.


Nope. I don't often volunteer information - though I do talk about myself on t'interweb, which amounts to broadcasting it to the world - and people rarely ask me things. If someone I like (I default to liking people) asks me a question I'll attempt to answer it correctly. If someone I don't like asks me, I won't answer.


No idea. I find the concept of guarding privacy somewhat alien, but I realise many people value it highly. Their problem.

I have a default state of trusting no one, and if someone I cannot exclude from that rule wants to know something personal about me and won't take no for an answer, I'll usually make s**t up.

Yeah...I didn't think about this until recently when I was listening to All My Best Friends Are Metalheads by Less Than Jake (one of my favourite bands), which has the line "Did we take the time to really discover how little we know about each other?"...then I realised how little people actually know about my life. There are a lot of things I've never told my best friends, even though a lot of people feel the need to tell everyone every little detail of their lives.

i do