living with housemates

Post Reply New Topic

I'm a university student, and I just moved from a horrible student house into a good house. It's not a dorm or anything, just a house that five of us are renting and splitting the cost. We each have our own rooms.

The house I was in before was horrible from an AS standpoint - my room was right next to the kitchen and the front door and I could hear everything that everyone did in the house. Also, one of the people living in the house had anger problems and frequently would go off on rants full of profanity with little to no provocation. None of the people in the house knew each other and there was no socialization.

Now, I will be living with people I have met. I know some of them better than others, but what's important is that they're all nice people and they are all aware and accepting of the fact that I am transgender. They don't know I have AS, but I suppose if the situation called for it, I'd mention it.

For the summer, it will pretty much be me and one other person living here. I don't know the rules for socializing with housemates that are your friends though. In my old house, I stayed in my room all the time and never talked to anyone. I have already talked to the guy living in the new house with me more in 2 days than I did anyone in the old house for the entire year.

Here's the question:

When we run into each other, we usually have a conversation. The thing is, sometimes I'm walking down the hallway, to the kitchen or the bathroom, and his door is open. Is it expected of me to stop and say hi every time I pass by and his door is open? Will he think I'm rude if I just say nothing and go to my room? Every time I've stopped to just say hi with the intention of moving on, he starts a conversation. It's been fine so far, but I can feel myself faltering. For example, today, his door was open and I was leaving. I stopped to say hi/bye and we had a short conversation. When I returned 40 minutes later, his door was still open but I just kept my headphones on and walked past without saying anything. Later, I used the kitchen, which was next to his room, and his door was still open, but I didn't walk past or say hi. I don't know how often it's appropriate to say hi or have a conversation. Every time I walk past his room would be exhausting, but I don't want to miss something and have him think I'm mean.

Will he think I'm stuck up/antisocial? One other time I lived with another person, he thought I was antisocial.

And how am I going to handle it when there's five of us living here? I feel like it's going to be like juggling.

Nah, I think once you've said hello the first time, and maybe chatted a bit, that should be enough.

Glance at them, smile, possibly say, "hey," and walk by. Just acknowledging their presence is enough not to be thought rude. If you can manage to look preoccupied somehow, that helps when you don't want to socialize.

Oh and somewhere along the way, inform them that you're an introvert. People understand that introverts like being alone sometimes.

No, and no. Door open to room usually means interaction is available but entirely optional. I'd say hi sometimes, like if I just got home, but not every time I passed by the open door.

Yep, I would agree with this..I would say Hi in the morning when everyone has woken up and then if you have been out and returned say Hi to announce your return but I would leave it at that.

if someone has his door open in that situation; glance in and see what he's doing.
if he notices you are there and looks, back, say hi or what's up or something and see what happens.

indeed, if someone in a student house is in his room, interaction/greeting is optional.
on the other hand, if you see your housemate in any of the common area's, you are sort of supposed to greet and have a conversation, just as normal

I had a long conversation with one of them last night. Two of us live there right now, and a third was moving some stuff in last night. We helped him carry his boxes in, and then I asked if he needed any more help and he said no, it was all right, so I went back to my room and closed the door. The other guy continued to help him though, so I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do in that situation. Eventually I came back out and the three of us talked for a while, then the one who had moved stuff left to do something and I ended up listening to the other guy talk for an hour.

If living with friends is like this all the time, it's going to be exhausting.

You don't have to talk to them all the time, likelihood is if they are leaving their doors open a lot it's because they are socially needy and hope someone will talk to them. At the same time they won't be funny if you just go about your business, you're an adult now and so are they just say "hi" every now and again, and make extended effort whenever it feels right.

Maybe when people have settled in you will all be too busy to spend so much time chatting. I have found that people vary in terms of how much socialising they expect you to do. Some shared houses were fine and you could have someone to talk to if you wanted to but it wasn't obligatory to just sit around being sociable if you didn't want to. The worst shared house situation I was in was when I shared with just one other person and they said it was "unhealthy" and "selfish" when I spent time by myself in my room. I couldn't really explain at the time and felt I wasn't allowed to be a person who needed to be alone a lot. But usually I have found shared houses to be OK.

There will eventually be five of us living here, but for the summer it's just two of us, with a potential third who might be around at night. And I just found out that the other person living here will be away from Thursday night to Sunday night every week, so I will have a few days where I might be alone.

I think it will be ok. I just hope it works out. I've already noticed an increase in my functioning ability now that I'm in more comfortable, safer house.

Hey guys, I'm planning to live in an on-campus university apartment in Buffalo, NY and will share it with one person. I have never in my life lived in an apartment with someone outside my family. I don't yet know who my roommate will be, but I want to develop a great social experience with him without any problems. So can you guys please give me some advice on how to develop a good social relationship with the roommate and avoid any problems with him?

I'm still doing this unfortunately. It's weird though, another guy that lives here stays in his room a lot and comes out to cook late when everyone's gone to bed but when he does run into someone I can hear him able to make small talk pretty well. Just because of that one difference I think I'm weird and he gets to be included with the house's normal tenants. F*****g humans.
Maybe you could come up with excuses to call out to him maybe every second or third time? Or better yet tell him that you're on the spectrum and that you just don't know how often housemates should talk. Tell him not to take offence or think you're weird if you go a while without talking. Not that I'll take my own advice mind you!

Yeah I use that one. Mobile phone in hand pretending to text furiously. Look up. "Oh, hey man". Back down to the phone. Continue to walk past.

I plan on moving into an apartment before or during my 3rd semester of college here in my town.
What are the general rules one should abide when living with other people?
I've been living with my parents my whole life and I have absolutely no idea what to do short of stay in my room and never breathe a word to my flatmates.. :s

Oh Lawd! Can someone help this chap? I know I can't, that would be the blind leading the blind. Sorry Lauperino.

Oh Lawd! Can someone help this chap? I know I can't, that would be the blind leading the blind. Sorry Lauperino.