What do you hate and love most about having Asperger's?

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I thought it'd be fun to hear what people both love and hate the most about having Asperger's Syndrome.

I'd appriciate it, if people kept the HATE/LOVE formatting style. Makes it easier to read

HATE
I hate the fact that I've become so good at imitating NTs, that nobody seem to think I'm not one of them. But still I've found there is just one single thing that cannot be overcome by the use of logic.

When two people are talking about something and I want to add something to the conversation. I can never find the natural entry point to say something. NTs just listen and know exactly where to start talking. I've spent a decade trying to learn, by listening to the pauses people make and then jumping in. But still I regularly try to jump in by starting a sentence. Only to find myself stopping halfway through it, because after the pause the person that was spoken too start talking back and I can see nobody is listening to me.

It always makes me feel like they are ignoring me, yet I know they aren't. At my last job it was really bad, because I was quite popular and a couple of people where always listening when I opened my mouth. And they would start smiling when I'd try to jump into a conversation and failing. I remember one attempt where I REALLY REALLY wanted to voice my oppinion and tried 5 times to enter the conversation. And then one of my good friends just said "It just isn't your day today huh?!". He meant it as a joke (and I also to it as such) and I honestly believe he thought the other people where being rude. But I just got so irritated.

LOVE
I love the fact that Asperger's has given me a superior sense of mathematics and logic. Making me able to observe, analyze and do out-of-box problem solving far better than anyone I've ever met

What's yours LOVE and HATE things?

EDIT
Please feel free to comment all you want, and of course they don't have to maintain the LOVE/HATE format

Last edited by LogiXYZ on 27 May 2012, 10:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Last post in this thread were in january, it's totally ok to continue it now; http://www.wrongplanet.net/postxf112249-0-90.html

Edit:
...but I suppose its not a specific love AND hate thread, it was more a love OR hate thread, so carry on, ignore me.

Hate

There are obviously a lot of problems that do stem from having Asperger's, but most of them I can deal with fairly well (I've learned how to behave in most normal social situations; it's only unusual situations where I have more noticeable problems). It's more the co-morbid issues that cause me serious issues in day to day life. I have a high degree of social anxiety because of my AS, since there was a time when I was younger when I did not have my social function under control very well at all. Because I'm so anxious in social situations, I have a hard time starting a conversation with someone who I've just met, and because I tend to be more cautious in dealing with others, I also miss a lot of opportunities to build meaningful friendships with others because I'm too nervous. This also leads to a low self-concept. I view myself as being pretty much out of touch with society sometimes, and I get depressed sometimes because of that.

Love

I'm not really sure if it's because I have autism or in spite of it (if you follow the interconnectedness approach to the mechanics of Asperger's, then it's more likely to be because of), but I have an extremely high ability to work with words and ideas. I was able to make a perfect score on the verbal portion of the GRE, and a high score on the essay portion. There's a pretty steep drop-off when it comes to my ability to work with ideas that require a lot of visuo-spatial knowledge (ie., I royally suck at math relative to most other things), but it makes for a host of neat parlor tricks, assuming that you're in the right parlor.

Hate

I hate the social anxiety my Asperger's brings with it; I have no idea how to walk up and start a conversation with someone, when it's appropriate to make small talk with strangers and when it's not, and I generally just fail epically at making conversation in general. Trying to make small talk with me is like interrogating someone; people ask me question after question about mundane things and I give one-word answers while trying to scramble to think of something else to add to it, and by the time I've thought of something, they've either moved on to the next question, or the silence has infiltrated and ended the conversation. Not to mention the fact that I find most conversations not centered around my special interest to be tedious, and I have no idea when I've gone on about them too long and it's time to move on. I really wish I could at least overcome this debilitating shyness so that at least I can try and look like I'm not totally blowing people off when they try to talk to me and I'm so anxious I have no idea how to react.

Love

I love the auditory memory Asperger's has given me. I have an excellent ear for movie dialogue, song lyrics, and previous conversations; the words just stick in my brain and I can recall and repeat them verbatim after hearing them once if it's a single sentence, twice or three times at most for a five-sentence paragraph. Of course, it only works if I'm not stressed; trying to remember verbal instructions given to me at work is a nightmare because the words go in one ear and out the other, however, if I didn't suffer from stage fright, I would have an excellent career as an actress.

HATE :

-Being a women with Asperger's can be, IMO, tougher than it is for men because society wants us to constantly wear female-specific clothing, make-up and "beauty" products we find very uncomfortable to wear. NT women might not mind suffering for their looks, but not the aspie female. Most women's clothing makes us miserable! Men don't have to wear such things and it is highly unfair. But there are a lot of good things about it, too (see love).

-Trying to enjoy and be social with more than one or two people. I've actually gotten fairly good at carrying on a two-way conversation with people I'm comfortable being with, but when it's a group of people it can be stressful. The hardest thing about going home for the holidays is aeing around so many family members who just sit and talk to each other and not to me, and I learned long ago that when they say "wait your turn" or "don't interrupt"it really means "Don't talk at all because we have no interest in hearing about the latest unusual website you discovered or something you learned on Discovery channel".

-Hypersensitivity and anxiety being in new, unfamiliar places or situations. Strangely enough I didn't mind traveling to different places with my parents as a kid. I really enjoyed it. But now I find going to a new place, even if I want to go there, can put me into sensory overload. I usually get sleep-deprived and have trouble focusing on things to keep myself from getting bored when I'm stuck in a hotel room or a car. Ans as for flying, forget it!

LOVE:

-the fact that I did not easily give in to peer pressure as a teen, even though my inability to relate to kids my age was taxing. But I never once smoked, drank, or did drugs. I was the opposite of promiscuous. I heard most kids try smoking or alcohol out of curiosity, but why would I want to find out it was "true" that such things were not just bad, but dangerous?

-My special interests: they may be weird for someone my age and/or gender, but I don't mind them being a little weird. How boring it must be to be a "normal" adult. So I will continue with my "obsessions" with childlike things such as Nintendo games and toy collecting.

-My talents: okay, so maybe having asperger's didn't really cause me to be good at drawing or writing or crafting, but it helps. Maybe it's why I'm so focused on little things that make my drawings detailed and fun to look at. I like to draw thin, almost rubbery limbs on cartoon teenage boys because it makes them look like they're going through a growth spurt, and my characters always have very expressive facial expressions. How unusual for someone who doesn't usually notice or read them real life!

-Not being heavily brainwashed by society and female stereotypes. It may not make life easier, but I really wouldn't have it any other way. I wish more NT women stopped obsessing (irony) about having a million pairs of shoes or being at least 20 lbs. underweight. Actually my mother is also not as obsessed with such things and she's NT, so I may have been influenced by her as well.

-

Coming to think of it, my initial post make it seem like comments aren't welcome that's not true. Comment away

I love both your hate and love, because I have the hate part to more or less the same degree. And the love part ... it's like looking in a mirror, especially the auditory memory part. I'm in fact engaged to an actress (who also has AS). So I'm thinking of trying it out, but I too has stage fright. So I've been sticking to writing instead ... who knows maybe one day I'll manage to try my luck at Stand-Up comedy, because my jokes are great. Everybody says so, but I'd feel so vulnerable on a stage.

Please share jokes!! ! I need a laugh badly

Hate

The loneliness, social anxiety and the feeling like I can't relate to my age group. I'll be talking about something and they'll go "what the hell are you going on about Ashuahhe?". Makes me feel so out of touch sometimes. When I've drawn something amazing, my classmates will just overlook me. It's damned depressing.

Being a female aspie, I'm not particulary chatty and fairly introverted. Most of the girls I meet are extroverted and go out every weekend to go drinking. They look at me funny when I say I spent my Saturday night at home playing video games. Small talk makes me uncomfortable, especially when I'm not in a crowd.

When I'm upset, it is hard to express my emotions. I feel like I can't express them in an approriate manner.

Love

Absolute focus. I can work on something for hours and not be bothered by it. I produce some of my best work when I'm focused like that. Since I have a different way of thinking, I come up with different innovative ways and ideas to solve problems. I love that I have a different mind, I can think of so many original ideas that no one else can.

I have a vivid imagination and memory. My abilty to recall memories is amazing.

I don't think that society wants AS women to wear female-specific clothing (but I'm from Denmark, it's fairly liberal). However I do, perhaps even to the extreme, agree that it must be harder for a woman to have AS, then it is for a man. After all, having AS is having a very male brain structure. Now as a man, having a very male brain structure isn't so big a deal. Although other quirks will single us out. But having a very male brain as a woman, I can honestly theorize about the prospect and I honestly have way more respect for women with AS. For the following reasons.

• NT women live of talking about their feelings, NT women don't expect NT men to be very good at talking about their feelings, so they tend to be more forgiving towards AS men's inability to do so. Because not even our NT counterparts do so very often. But NT women expect NT women to talk about their feelings all the time, and if they don't they expect something is wrong. Being an AS female talking to an NT female I imagine is the hardest thing possible as an AS.
• Like you said women don't mind suffering for their looks, thus and therefore NT women talk about make-up, lotions and perfume all the freaking time (got this from my AS GF). But an NT female would never talk about those things with an NT man. So as an AS man, a conversation with an NT woman will always be more interesting than AS woman to NT woman.

I truly think it's easier as AS men to stay covert than it is for women, because NT women are so shallow that they will just know immediately .. because if you don't like to talk about feeling and don't wanna talk about make up ... "well then you must be insane"

NT females are generally very forgiving towards NT males, but they are cut-throat towards NT females. Not to mention AS females.



I too hate the family holidays, because I also stand around not knowing what to do with myself. And at those events I always get intrigued by how NTs can talk about things that to me appears so damn irrelevant. Like how they can spent hours talking about how they managed to get a good deal on something they purchased. Where I'm always like (my GF included), why not talk about the state of planet earth, how stars are formed or perhaps the paradox that is the speed of light. I honestly find the majority of NTs incredibly superficial.



I also have anxiety about new and unfamiliar places, but even more so situations. Places I can handle because it is basically only a change in GPS coordinates. But a situation I haven't encountered before will make me very silent and very observant ... as oppose to my normal self. Which is talking most of the time and expressing my opinion even if people might not want to hear it.
I however don't have a fear of flying ... perhaps because I'm so perplexed with the technology of flight.


I too didn't give in to peer pressure as a teen. I had my first beer at age 19 (Remember I'm from Denmark, we hold the world record for the youngest average starting drinking age, which is 13-14). Then I started drinking slowly and in 2005 I started smoking. And in 2006 I took up drugs ... in the sense I began to smoke weed (only weed however, to scared to try anything else - Which is a good thing I suppose). In the terms of dangerous ... I'd add, perhaps dangerous Sure smoking is bad for you, but so is walking down the town street. Alcohol if moderated I don't see as dangerous at all, weed I don't really see as dangerous either ... except for the fact that is also is related to smoking.



Now I never got into toy collecting, but only because lego was too expensive. But video games ... let's just say I'm a very avid fan, along with movies and television series - I define myself as a heavy user of culture



The very expressive facial expressions aren't unusual IMO, because we spent our time trying to read the subtle ones so we tend to love expressive ones. So does NTs in fact, I've found. Because then don't usually see expressive expressions.


Million pairs of shoe, my girl is AS, but still has over 20... which is too much for me. I just wished they stopped trying to be the female exposed on TV and accept who they are, without the need for makeup or plastic surgery, because they don't feel like they fit it. Nothing to me is more hypocritical than a girl getting a breast enlargement, because "I didn't felt like I belonged" ... well try having AS you b***h. Then you'll know what it's like not to "belong" and then you'll know what it feels like not to belong

Edit: Removed my colossal list of things because, apparently, I'm just s***ing up the thread.

Hate

I hate the social stigma that AS causes. I hate not fitting in. I hated being looked at as a total weirdo when I was in school. I hate being poor at socialization. I hate not reading people. I hate that if took 47 years for people to figure out what was the matter with me.

Love

I love the fact that AS helped me to save some lives becaue I could pick up on things others couldn't. I love the fact that out of 29 search and rescue sorties I'm credited with 9 actual finds, making me an "ace". I love the fact that it helped me rise from Airman Basic (E1) to Major (O4) in the USAF Reserves. I love the fact that it enabled me to trace my family tree back to 200 BC.

Longshanks

Not officially diagnosed, but...

Hate:
I hate the feeling of being on the outside looking in, so to speak, in social settings. I hate the fact that sometimes it is really difficult for me to clearly express anything in words. I hate the fact that I don't know how to approach people, when it's OK to approach people and when it isn't. I hate the fact that I can be unintentionally off-putting at times. I hate the fact that the only way I often respond to negative emotions is with a shutdown or meltdown.

Love:
I love special interests. I love my ability to focus on what I love to do. I love my inane memory for recalling bits of information or past events. I love the fact that I can pick up on details that others miss. I love stimming. Not sure if it's AS-related, but I love the fact that I still feel like a kid, that I've never really lost having child-like wonder of the world.

Impressive!

I am not going to waste my time writing down all the general personality traits what anybody could have, but I do hate everything about AS and so I might aswell just keep it at that.

If somebody said ''what about your talents?'' I can answer that with a straight, ''it is not an Aspie thing to naturally have a talent with the piano.''

Precisely my feelings about my Autism and my music ability.

I hate having to deal with the Nazi like views and opinions of autism haters and "experts".

I love my special interests and obsessions. I also love that I'm not influenced by popular culture and that I can think and decide for myself, what things I like and don't like. I also like the fact that I don't feel the need to dress in the clothes that are made for women to impress the majority of high society people. I like my unique view of the world. I like how I notice a lot of things that other people don't. I like how being on the spectrum has taught me to be a kind and gentle soul and not to hurt anybody, because I remember how it felt to be hurt by family, teachers, authourity and my own peers in many ways, when I was growing up. I like the fact that I can be my own best friend and be alone for long periods of time and actually enjoy that. I like that my interests are my own and make me feel original. I like the intense focus that I have and how I can concentrate on something until it's completely finished. I like the way that I speak, most of the time. I like the fact that I have an unusual accent for my part of the world. I also like how my voice is deeper than that of most women, making it easier to pass as my preferred gender, which is Male. I like my intense connection wish all sorts of animals, because whether a pet is a dog or a snake, it will love you unconditionally. I also like my face. Quite a few people on the spectrum look somewhat Mickish, but not everybody who's on the spectrum looks that way, as some are more likely to resemble their family members. I also like how I can self teach myself to do things in a reasonable amount of time.

So what about NTs who have music ability?