Dealing with insults

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Do you ever find that when someone insults you or says something false to your face out of malice, it takes you a while to process the information so as to be able to come back with an appropriate response?

Some people are masters at arguing and knowing where to "hit" with their malevolent words. Knowing how to answer appropriately but also with sufficient truth, can sometimes be hard to do in the heat of an argument. Sometimes in fact the best, most factual response to a false insult comes days after sufficient analysis of the facts has taken place. By then, though, the comeback will be stale and will have lost its effect.

Anyone else experience this issue? Maybe it has to do with being scrupulous and wanting an all-encompassing answer that's effective but also truthful... Whereas people who just want to hurt you just do it and don't think about the honesty of what they're saying. I dunno.

yes I have had that over the years and even heard two coworkers insult me on the company radio when they though I couldn't hear them. I have no way to respond because I just am shocked they would do that to me in the first place.

i know what you mean. It's the response time to the shock that makes it hard to come back with something that would clam them up.

And then like many Aspies, we sit and stew about it for ages, which isn't healthy either. Maybe not everyone, but it's happened to me on a few occasions.

In real life I'd be so speechless because I wouldn't be able to come up with a comeback quick enough. Online it's a lot easier because you can always go back to it and say it.

I've had that. When I've had arguments with my siblings or mother I always came off worse and then a day or two afterwards I'd have thought of a brilliant comeback which I could have said.

If you mean indirect insults, then the technique is called "sniping" and there are books out there on how to deal with it. I recommend "Coping with Difficult People" (link below) because it deals with all the common kinds of difficult people. It was extremely useful for me.

Decades ago, I always wished I had the right word at the right time to answer a sniper. I thought no one did. However, nowadays I most always do. How did I get this skill? It came by itself when after all the decades of intense search, I discovered what makes humans tick.

Example:

Me feeding the stray cats.
Neighbor I don't know, looking crossed: "Why do you have to feed street cats?"
Me: "Why do you have to do that thing, which you think is your dirty secret, but we all know?"
I can assure you they leave silently and never bother me again.

If you've ever bought something from Amazon, you'll be able to read quite a lot by signing in with your password of when you made purchases: http://www.amazon.com/Coping-Difficult- ... 0440202019

Last edited by Moondust on 28 Sep 2012, 12:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yea yet another douche/bully trick, gotta be ready for those.

One technique that can work in some situations and requires no quick thinking is to stop interacting, turn and walk away.

Most of the time, I get really angry and take it personally. But if it is with my 'brother', I know he's joking, so I let it slide.

I've never had a problem with them. Mostly people use trashy insults that aren't hard to retort to.

I've been insulted by random people all my life. I spoke about it (I'm 32) with a friend yesterday and I was on the verge of crying. I don't understand.

People who didn't know me called me "loser". "Hey loser", or "why do you speak to him he is just a f*****g loser" (all of these by very different people). I know only 3 people, my 3 only friends, who don't call me "loser", gratuitously and randomly. I had a nervous breakdown over it, I thought I was socially bullied.

This is something that you might live when you are 12, but when you are 24, 27, 30, something is wrong. You don't randomly insult a grown man in the street.

All my life I tried to find funny/witty comebacks about this and once my closest friend (who is empathic toward my situation as he witnessed it and was "gobsmacked") told me that NO ONE should be insulted the way I am, and there is no "funny comeback" to respond to that, this is something that shouldn't happen, and shouldn't be dealt with lightly.

Simple just punch em in the face the shock on their face would be priceless.

tchek, I'm very surprised, because adults don't normally express themselves like that publicly for fear of being seen as losers themselves. Unless they're angry for some reason, there's been a conflict, say you stole their parking spot or something. Do you have any idea what might trigger them to talk to you like that?

I think that's a bit of an overreaction and would make things worse. Its better to do nothing and keep calm. They would probably regret saying what they did.

This happens to me whenever I'm insulted. Someone'll try to hurt my feelings, and then I'll come up with a great comeback the next day. By then I'd forget what the other person said that was mean, and think to myself, "I've got a great comeback for rude people!". By the next day the comeback was forgotten, and the same person would make fun of me again.

Personally, while I find it unpleasant, I don't feel the urge to answer to disrespectful people. I just ignore them and walk away. In french, there's a saying that goes "Bien faire et laisser braire.", which means "Do what you have to do and do it well, and let them howl.".