Severely autistic, but yes I can speak etc. -Feeling bitter

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Last edited by Cuckooflower on 04 Nov 2012, 10:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

So sorry it has taken so long for you to get diagnosed (or diagnosed properly?) I know how frustrating that is because I too have been diagnosed as an adult. I have classic autism, and I am considered "high-functioning" even though I don't have a social life, didn't live on my own until 28 and still need support, have trouble with communication of all sorts, etc. It is important to keep in mind that the term "high-functioning" is not meant as, "kind of autistic" or anything like that--it is not meant to downplay your disorder. ALL people on the spectrum have a disorder, even those high-functioning people. Otherwise they would not get a diagnosis. In fact, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but it might not be the autism that is causing your more serious problems. It could be the PTSD, SEVERE anxiety, and OCD. If you took all three of those things away, you would likely be a lot more high-functioning than what you feel right now. That is what is meant by high-functioning autism. You just happen to have a bunch of nasty co-morbids to go along with. Again, I am not trying to downplay your diagnosis, so please don't take it that way. Just know that high-functioning autism is used to basically describe everyone with Aspergers, everyone with PDD-NOS, and all verbal individuals with class autism. High-functioning does NOT mean mild. I think it is terrible that, IF you have your diagnosis already finalized, people are still denying it. That is awful!

Sweet Pea hugs

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Last edited by Cuckooflower on 04 Nov 2012, 10:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

eh? being Autistic doesn't make you abusive. Although, a friend (who is a GP and on the spectrum) was told that because we lack empathy, we're likely to abuse our children.

Yeah. Your father made the choice to be abusive. His autism didn't make him do a thing.

This is interesting to me. You are using "disabled" as a synonym for powerless, helpless, limited. But I wonder if "disabled" is really the word you mean. Disability just means you have some impairment that society doesn't expect and thus doesn't accommodate for. But it doesn't, or shouldn't, mean the sort of thing you're talking about, the constant disrespect, lack of resources, mistreatment. In my experience, a lot of people who say they are upset or frustrated because they are disabled, are actually upset or frustrated because of how society treats them due to their disability. That's a crucial distinction, because you can't change your disability very much, but how people treat you is something that can change. Moreover, it's something that you know is not your fault, because those people are choosing to act the way they do.

I don't believe it. Unless you are aware of your autism/ASD and make provisions for it consciously by compensating for your disability (ideally you know what they are) it is highly unlikely that you'll be able to treat a child properly as a parent (or anybody). Just my two cents. I'm not saying that someone who falls to the trap and becomes an abusive parent can't actually be blamed for it, but they are often not aware of the causes of their issues. Also, I don't want to excuse abusive parents, autistic or not, I just want to put it in a different light.

I know how being relatively articulate and generally having the air of a knowledgeable person can ruin the acceptance of your diagnosis. Mine is often rejected too. OK, my 'functioning level' is among the highest on the spectrum and I consider myself lucky in many aspects. I know many didn't have the fortune I had. When I went to therapy (due to my poor relationship skills and low self-esteem) it was clear that the therapist didn't believe I have a form of autism because she had a patient before who was more autistic, younger, and possibly less intelligent than me. Nevertheless, I let her have her doubts about my dx and we focused only on the therapy she could offer to me. She seemed sympathetic and I felt I could trust her anyway. I think it's enough if you are the only person who knows what's your proper diagnosis. I'd suggest asking therapy for your individual traits and problems while you can allude that the root-cause of your problems is ASD according to specialists (and you agree with them).

Sorry, let me clarify that. What I meant was this; my father was abusive, being autistic doesn't necessarily make you abusive, but my father is autistic and was very abusive. And part of the reason he was abusive in his case was most certainly his autism and poor emotional regulation etc. leading to a violent temper for one, and just general lack of empathy for anyone but himself, which is not always an autistic trait but in him it was/is very strong.
Hope that clears that up.

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Last edited by Cuckooflower on 04 Nov 2012, 10:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Last edited by Cuckooflower on 04 Nov 2012, 10:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

It sounds like you've got a lot (or at least a few things) to say about your experiences with autism. I get the impression that there are a lot of NT's out there (like parents of autistic children, for example) who are struggling to understand the very things that you are living through and describing here. Have you ever considered trying to use all of this energy to write a blog or something to help those people to get an "insiders view"?

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Last edited by Cuckooflower on 04 Nov 2012, 10:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

I hear ya, I really do. Well, if you ever do decide to start a blog, I'd be interested in what you have to say! Feel free to send me a link to my inbox if/when the time comes!

Also, I don't know if there are any aspie/autie groups near you, but I recently joined one in my area and I've found that I feel much more understood when I'm with them. It relieves a lot of the frustration that I feel and it even helps with that gnawing feeling to try to make my friends and family understand autism when they really aren't all that interested in the first place.

Hang in there, as long as your actively trying to make life better, your bound to find something that's at least a step in the right direction, sooner or later.

Yeah, I totally get that having a disability can be frustrating simply due to the effects of the disability itself, even if people do treat you decently. I get sensory overload, periodic depressive episodes, executive dysfunction, and general autistic social cluelessness, and that's not exactly a nice experience. But everybody has annoying and even painful parts of their lives; I don't really think that having a disability means your life must be horrible. After all, able-bodied NTs get stuck in traffic, get mugged, break up with their significant others, or have their children die young. Everybody has bad things happen to them that are anywhere from annoying to devastating. For me, some of them happen to be related to my disability.

I don't want to trivialize it. Some things you experience because of a disability really are very hard to get through. It's okay to complain about those things. And it's probably true that most NTs really don't know what it's like to be in the particular autism-related situations you get into. Still, universally, we all have things in our lives that absolutely suck; so disability isn't so foreign and far removed from "normalcy" as many people think it is, because even if NTs don't have the experience of being disabled, they do have the experience of going through the harder parts of their own lives.

It's harder to deal with crap in your life when it feels like you're the only one who ever had to deal with it. You don't feel so alone when you remember that both disabled and non-disabled people have to go through frustrating and painful experiences that are unique to their own lives and situations--often with the knowledge that no one else, no matter how sympathetic, could ever quite understand. Though, on a more cheerful note, both disabled and non-disabled people also have positive, interesting, encouraging, peaceful, and exhilarating experiences that mostly make life worth our while.

I think that was very well said, Callista! Everything you contribute to the forum is always so understanding and uplifting at the same time. I love reading your posts