Sometimes I wonder if I even have Asperger's or not

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I know I was diagnosed when I was a child, but sometimes I feel I don't have Asperger's, but just have a mixture of personality disorder, stress/anxiety disorder, depression, and social phobia/social anxiety instead. I've been watching some videos of me as a baby (aged 0-3), and I seemed like a typical baby, and I've read that some symptoms can show in babies on the spectrum. I won't make a detailed list of what I was and wasn't doing in these videos because otherwise this post will go on forever, but to cut a long story short, if any of you watched any of the videos with me is a baby in, you would have a hard time guessing which child is supposed to be an Aspie.

I started school at 4, and that was the first time I behaved different enough to cause concern for the teachers and my parents. It took them 4 years to get a diagnosis because they couldn't find what was wrong, being so my sudden behaviour on the first day of school didn't scream out Asperger's. It was more like Schizophrenia or some sort of early childhood personality disorder or ADHD. But as I got older it's obvious that I don't have Schizophrenia or ADHD, and I feel I don't now either.

I know I have always kind of struggled socially ever since I was about 5, like with being too shy and getting upset too easily. But I remember lots of times I could share imagination when playing imaginative games with other children, which was why having friends was easier for me as a small child. I struggled more after age 11 because High School was socially difficult, but maybe I have personality disorder and not Asperger's. Even now, the only thing that holds me back socially is shyness, timidness, lack of confidence due to fear of not being heard or something. I've never had trouble with reading thoughts or emotions through body language and all that sort of thing, I've never rocked backwards and forwards not even as a very young child, and I know I have always been difficult to live with, I feel it could be other things wrong with me other than Asperger's.

Could I have been misdiagnosed? Or are women on the mild end of the spectrum far less stereotypical and more social than their male counterparts? I don't display any of the stereotypes. I'm trying to read up about stereotypes in Aspies, but most people get stereotypes mixed up with the actual symptoms.

It could be a combination between ADHD and an Anxiety Disorder.

I don't think most kids on the spectrum, unless they are severely autistic, manifest all their symptoms all the time. I know when I record my children, it is usually of them doing something fun or engaging that makes them happy. Only on occasion have I ever recorded them during a meltdown or doing something notably peculiar. Most of my children's videos make them look like NT kids. If the video recorder were on every minute of the day, yeah, there'd be plenty of footage, but usually in those times I don't have the ability to whip out the camera, since I'm usually too busy trying to prevent a meltdown or a blowup of some sort. So I really don't think you can use selective, arbitrary footage to determine your diagnosis.

When you have human beings involved there is always a possibility of mistakes being made so a misdiagnoses is possible.

Women do present somewhat differently then men and how they present is less understood. It is believed they are better for lack of a better word "actresses" thus can appear "normal" socially . You have posted here a lot so that could be indicative of a repetitive special interest.

List of female asperger traits
http://www.help4aspergers.com/pb/wp_a58 ... 83e339.JPG

Dr. Tony Attwood's column "Girls and women who have Asperger’s syndrome"
http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/index.php ... -aspergers

Nobody will have all the traits but if a lot of it screams "this is me" the original diagnoses was probably right.

If you can see the original clinician who diagnosed you or if the original diagnostic report is around that could be helpful.

Have a google for "aspergers in women" - AS can apparently present quite differently in women. There's also a thread on Resources for Women with Aspergers Syndrome in the Women's Discusson section of WP, and the currently last post in that thread links to a blog post which you may find of interest.

Sometimes I kind of wonder as well, I mean there is certainly something going on that has set me apart ever since I can remember...but not 100% sure if it is aspergers syndrome even though I have been diagnosed by a neuropsychologist.

Joe90
Sounds a bit like me too. I was somewhat of a loner from age three, but the early photos shows a happy, engaged toddler.

Aspergers and ADHD + anxiety is a common mixture, - and even vague "schizofrene" signs, like odd sensory experiences (typically 6-9 years) or even micro hallucinations can occur - and pass.
Quirks and stimming doesn´t have to occur.
The traditional criteria (the stereotype) is built on the observation of boys aged 8-10, so they don´t fit girls and grown women.

I quote:
"I know I have always kind of struggled socially ever since I was about 5, like with being too shy and getting upset too easily".
Aspergers is a social dyslexia, and getting upset easily/catastrohizing is part of the picture.

"I struggled more after age 11 because High School was socially difficult".
As social life becomes more complicated by age 11, many girls are discovered between 11 and early adult years.
Those, who do not show obvious signs and quirks are easily missed, because girls are good actors and fairly good at reading others.

Aspergers is often mistaken for personality disorder and social phobia. It is often revealed by repeated depressions because of the hardships of trying to fit in, sense of not being good enough.
Symptoms change now and then, which makes it even more difficult to pinpoint.

Last edited by Jensen on 04 Dec 2013, 6:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

Same for me, and I'm pretty sure to be a aspie.

I just wanted to add I meant it could be ADHD and an anxiety disorder in ADDITION to ASD.

A lot of people with ASD actually have empathy, imagination, and can read body language. The females I've met have taught themselves how to analyze expressions and body movement. The difference is it's not natural, and it's all conscious.

One of the videos I watched was when I was 3 at a very noisy birthday party with lots of boisterous children that were a bit older than me, aged 4-6. It was in a hall, with a bouncy castle. I saw I was participating in party games all right, although some of these children I didn't know. The music was loud, but I looked like I was enjoying it, and the children were very excitable. I joined in pass the parcel, and I wasn't rocking or doing anything like that (my mum says I didn't stim at all). I didn't join in musical chairs because I was too little, so my dad took me to sit on his lap and gave me a drink. I still looked happy though, and it looked like I wanted to go back on the bouncy castle when the other children were going back on it. The environment looked a perfect environment for a toddler on the spectrum to have a meltdown; lots of excitable children running about and bright lights and music.

Also there was another video of me at 7 months, with my family and some of my older cousins (they were under 4 but older than me). I obviously couldn't play with them yet because I was only a baby, but I saw me sitting on my mum's lap pointing to things, and then when the camera faced me it looked like I was making eye contact with whoever was filming me (don't forget it was 1990 so they had those old video cameras), and then I smiled and waved my arms in joy, like most typical babies do. I was then playing with a brightly-coloured baby toy in the way most babies do, and I saw I was enjoying being bounced on my dad's knee, and being held and cuddled by my aunts.

I even looked through the baby record books what my mum kept, where all my milestones were recorded. I first learnt to walk just before I was 1, I said my first word at 14 months, and I was potty-trained before I was 3. I wasn't significantly delayed in anything, nor was I any more clever than the other babies either. I just developed typically, which was why everyone was so surprised and concerned at my sudden peculiar behaviour on my first day of school.

I still have not figured out if I have an ASD or not. I have some symptoms but not all. I am not diagnosed though.

Misdiagnosis is possible, drs can sometimes make mistakes, quite daft ones.

One once misdiagnosed a sinus infection as an anxiety headache and for 2 years the infection went untreated.

I am not sure they have my diagnosis correct...my diagnosis is social anxiety and depression. I get some depression although it is atypical and I sometimes get some SA but I am not sure it explains all of my social problems etc.

I hope you find the answers you seek.

Most aspie kids start off looking absolutely normal. The behavior doesn´t show until the child is subjected to stressful environments. Small children are often fine playing with others as long as relationships with mates are simple and revolve around things and interests. This doesn´t last. The school presents more complicated social demands, and that is where aspergers often become visible. If it isn´t stereotypical, it may be difficult to uncover.

How were you around others? Did you concentrate well? Were you quick, when the subject changed, or did you feel lost for a moment? Did you think nuances or black/white, either liked or absolutely hated people? Did you understand jokes as well as any other, or did you have to think or have it explained? Did you adapt quickly/intuitively to change in situations? How did you react to change in general? Did you analyze or over-analyze things? Were you able to detect hidden agendas?
Did you study others, or did you just mingle happily?

Things like that tells far more than a little late development or a bit of stimming.

Read Tony Attwood and make note of every thing, you recognize, and then see, if there is a pattern. Otherwise take some more tests online, or simply seek a psychologist/psychiatrist who specializes in AS and see what turns up.

Last edited by Jensen on 04 Dec 2013, 5:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

the only concern i caused for my parents was i didnt speak until i was about 8-9, and before then i just used crying as a way of communicating, like a baby. i didnt display any stereotypes otherwise. they thought i just had mental retardation, although some teachers at school said i was autistic. i still dont know to this day really, iv just self-diagnosed myself with autism. i have read up a lot on autism and some information about it fits me but some traits i dont have at all.

i was such an easy child to have, though. my Nt sister was more of a handful than i was when we were children. i only cried when i wanted something, otherwise i was more well-behaved than the average child. sometimes i had a crying moment where they couldnt work out what i wanted or what was wrong, but otherwise i was so easy. it was when i began to talk was when i got more difficult, and by the time i was a teenager i seemed to got quite aggresive, but that might have been puberty.

It was only when my son was 4, almost 5 and his kinder teacher recommended we take him to a developmental paediatrician, and we spoke about him for 45 minutes answering specific questions, did a lightbulb go off in my head, that it seemed that my son had autism.
We knew he was 'quirky' but was a typical baby - he smiled. he crawled, he ate, he slept, engaged, he responded to his name, his speech was fine.
Tony Attwood says that Aspergers really only manifests after the age of 5 because up until then development is fairly typical.

I've been questioning my diagnosis as well. While I do have traits, they all have different explanations. I really identify with the boy in this story. I feel like someone is telling my story. I've never really felt like that when I've read stories about aspies.

Since I've questioned my diagnosis I've noticed a huge reduction in anxiety and depression. I no longer feel anxious 24/7 and I feel like I have some hope now. I feel like I can be me now. I can also focus way better.

My biggest traits, obsessive interests and social problems can be explained by anxiety and depression. When I have no anxiety I can socialize pretty normally. I used to have problems reading social cues, but that could be explained by ADHD. I naturally outgrew those problems once I started paying attention.

I read you first post and saw you were diagnosed at 4 so if you can afford it is probably time to get a reassessment.

In the meantime there are tests on this website. If they say you are probably not an aspie it is indicative but not proof.

I am not going to comment on the article that is really a topic for another thread.

Social cues can be learned well by people on the spectrum. The difference is for Aspies it will always be acting for NT's it is natural but something like depression got in the way of that natural ability.

AS/ASD is not just about social problems. The belief that it is, is what I call the laypersons or the stereotype definition(The DSM 5 addressed this by creating a non spectrum classification Social Communication Disorder which is persistent social problems not explained by other problems). It is a combination of social problems, executive dysfunction, and sensory issues (touch, sound, smell,taste). One does not have to have all the traits but most of them. Sensory is tricky cause it can be subtle and not present in obvious ways like a normal classroom seeming like a disco. If you are still having these other issues despite social improvement I would still keep AS/ASD as a possibility.

I wish you good luck in finding yourself.