Therapist says I have to act like an adult

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The therapist says I have to act like an adult, which means cleaning my house and keeping my hygiene up. He also said that I'm basically retired now, so he says I need to find something to keep me busy during the day. He said he had to toughen up because he's been too soft.

Right now, I feel too dazed to do anything, though maybe I'll shower and wash my hair and then dry it with the blow dryer and then take a nap. That might be a start.

He also said to stay away from alcohol.

You are an adult, and though the advice was probably well meant, deep down you probably know what you need to do, whatever it is, you know yourself best..

Alcohol is doubled-edged sword in my experience - it numbs emotional pain (very effectively) though blurs the ability to think clearly and focus. Sometimes finding other ways to ease emotional pain - the listening ear of a good friend, a group that suits us, a new interest, whatever - rings in wider changes in our lives. Emotional pain whatever its cause generally tells us that we need to change something - and deep down you probably know whatever that something is, better than the therapist can with guesses.

A lot of things fell into place for me when I swapped alcohol for new social connections, though it was a prolonged process and quite a learning curve. I still drink on special occasions, and enjoy it.

I hate when people say "Act like an adult," because there are many adults who do not act in the ways that they're referring to. I think your therapist should have put it differently. Giving you specific ideas for what to work on, and helping you through them, would be more helpful than just instructing someone to "act like an adult!"

I tend to agree, I find the 'act your age' statements frustrating...even if it came from a therapist, last time it was cause me and my brother where arguing and he said 'why don't you act like a 25 year old' but he was just frustrated..admittedly in a lot of ways I'd say he is more mature though he is only 20 but don't think that means I am not acting 25, do all 25 year olds act the same? He should know it varies considering he tends to be more mature than a lot of 20 year olds. I think suggestions on what to work on without any inferences to 'you're not acting your age' are a lot more helpful as well.

I agree too. Admonitions from therapists concern me. Suggestions yes, they can be helpful, in certain contexts and circumstances.

Well, I fell asleep from 4 PM until 9 PM. Now I will need medicine to sleep tonight.

If a therapist told me I need to act like an adult I'd probably leave and never return to see him in all honesty.

Therapists are supposed to be understanding, not jerks like the one you described.

Well, he did warn that it would come across as harsh, but he said he thought I needed to hear it. The messy hair, messy house, always wearing the same clothes, I mean, come on.

He also said that since I'm on disability, I'm basically retired and need to find something to fill my days. I mean, That makes sense.

I wonder, though, if I can actually do as he has told me to.

Also, based on information my old psychiatrist gave him, who has known me since I was 13 and a half, my therapist has expressed a concern that there is a small possibility that I may be developing schizophrenia, which is something I've wondered about for at least the last two years. He says at my age, it's less likely, but it's still possible. I realized I was going on a lot of tangents during my conversation with him.

I think part of the reason is that he is concerned that the messy hair, the messy house, and all the other signs of self-neglect and vocational dysfunction might be part of the negative and disorganization symptoms of incipient schizophrenia. I certainly find it much much more difficult to organize cleaning tasks than even a couple months ago. It's like I'm losing the ability to put the pieces of the task together.

I think that he might be having some wishful thinking that that isn't the case and that a nice big reminder may serve to correct the self-neglect and that I am not dealing with negative and disorganization symptoms.

In essence, he said,"you need to achieve desirable outcomes, just do it!" Everything that he said makes sense, but the problem is how to get there.

I had a therapist tell me that I needed to just become good at managing household finances, organizing paperwork and managing time. I would love to do this, but I am fairly sure it isn't realistic. I can do them better with software and help from my wife, but I can't just will myself into not having these problems.

My understanding is that these problems are aspects of executive dysfunction and you can't just will them away. The best thing is to find where the edges of the problem are and then find what workarounds you can for getting
the desired result without trying approaches that don't work for you.

Maybe you can go back to the therapist and ask for advice on how to circumnavigate the obstacles that make these things difficult for you. If the therapist can't help with this, you need a different therapist.

Yeah...no therapist is going to go high five good job. Those are all symptoms of depression.

My husband got the riot act from his therapist this week also. But he doesn't get hints, and *being nice-oh...it's okay*, just let's him ruminate and stay stuck. And letting the chips fall where they may doesn't work either. He'll do nothing and let everything to go to hell.

I told him no psychiatrist ever spared my feelings...lol...

Ruts suck.

I am going through a similar situation. I moved out on my own just over three months ago and am finding it harder and harder to keep my apartment in a good state, or myself for that matter. I've started wearing the same clothes for days, even sleeping in them. I just don't care. I have no one to keep up appearances for.
I am on disability too and I don't think I'll be able to go back to work full time. My executive function is shot. Faced with everyday puzzles my brain is like a deer in headlights - I just stare into space unable to move forward.

I have been an adult since I was nine because that was when I was cleaning and brushing my own teeth without being told to do it. Same as for brushing my hair.

But I feel I have been declining myself. I still do some chores to keep the house picked up. I am just not obsessive about it like I used to be as a kid. I feel I have to fight myself every day.

Well I'd still be bothered if a 'therapist' figured just because they say 'this can come across as harsh' anything goes and they can say whatever they want. But do you feel you needed to hear it in the way they said it? Also I'd think a therapist would be above the 'well you need to act like an adult' mentality...that is something people say when they are in an argument and frusterated or to put people down, to me what you descibed does not sound like good therapist advice sounds like a therapist using their position as an excuse to get nasty. There are better ways especially for a therapist to address those problems then saying 'you need to act like an adult'.

Sometimes people need harsh. Others in their life may have exhausted all the other kit glove suggestions.

It took our child writing in school that her dad doesn't bath, help around the house and in his computer room all the time for my husband to finally understand his non actions affected us. This was on a school assignment. The teacher called the social worker and me. They thought my husband had a drug problem. And what the child wrote was true, he was doing all the above.

My husband was beyond horrified. He thought no one noticed. We all noticed. We all gave suggestions and offered to help. We all were encouraging way beyond what you'd do for an NT. It took his therapist saying he was going to drop him if he didn't start making more effort (which had been explained and written out), and his daughter writing that he was more or less a total invalid for him to realize his actions couldn't stay the same.

I wished it didn't take harsh for him to start moving forward. It had been fours since his ASD diagnosis of him basically doing nothing. He has literally wasted four years of his life. Not being engaged in his family, or special interests, or doing ANYTHING. I understand it's anxiety, depression, ToM and executive functioning skills. Those are reasons why things are hard, not excuses not to do anything.

Hell...if you are in a group home, they make you wash three days a week, clean up your room and help out in the kitchen every seven days. His therapist asked did he want to move into a group home and did he need that kind of constant interaction to do anything. Did he still wanted to be married and be around his child? His current actions screamed no.

Everyone has there rock bottom. If you think things are going fine, you don't see a therapist. My husband was kidding himself about how much process he was making (none..backsliding). He had contracts and outlines of how and when to do things. My husband was in total denial, and was called on it.

Pretty? Nope. But that is the only thing that has worked, and he's functioning more.