What kinds of things do you do to avoid people?

Post Reply New Topic

I took my car to a car wash on the weekend. It was one of those places where you park in a bay and feed it coins, all while turning a knob to different cycles of the wash: rinse down, tyre cleaner, soap, et cetera. You can't see people washing their cars in the bays next door, as the bays are divided by solid walls. It's easy to see how these places make their money. There are no permanent on-site staff that I saw and it's hard to keep track of exactly how much the wash is costing you.

Now, I have the much cheaper option of washing my car with a bucket, sponge and hose at home. Being on a strict budget, I'd normally choose the cheaper option. The thing is, I live in a small complex and I would have to deal with people coming back and forth, and perhaps stopping to talk to me when I would rather be left alone. The anxiety caused by anticipating that possibility is more than I can deal with. My solution, almost unconsciously chosen, is to go to the car wash instead, despite the expense.

I thought it would be interesting to ask others what kinds of things you do to avoid people, from the simple to the extreme?

Riding a moped (and I take mine to those car washes too!) means nobody is ever asking me to take them somewhere, though I don't mind going out on errands for them. That's part of it too; when I'm out on a mission I don't have to sit on the couch and put up with hearing/seeing them. If I can help it I'll go shopping or traveling during the middle of a weekday to avoid heavy traffic. If I visit relatives I'll go before the weekend or on the holiday day to separate myself from the fools on the road

For a while, there was this friendly gal who worked at the front desk at my job, and she would always ask "how are you?" when I passed. Every time! Unless she was on the phone or something. I started going the long way around most times so I wouldn't go within conversation distance of her. I liked her and I'd normally appreciate her greeting me, but it always felt like some kind of obstacle to have to cram "'Hi! How are you?' 'Good! How are you?' 'Good, thanks!' (gesture goodbye)" into that split second where I'd be near her and facing her. My options were effectively (a) stop and attempt a conversation, thereby interrupting both my work and hers, when I probably didn't have much to say (b) go through the mini-conversation as fast as possible and immediately be on my way, which felt kind of rude (c) some kind of midpoint between the two, which would be the worst of both worlds.

She got another job somewhere else, so I can walk that way again.

I recall BirdInFlight and I had similar issues avoiding people in our respective blocks.
People tell me this is crazy - I have one particular neighbour who is very intrusive - loud, overbearing, always knocking on the door and wanting me to do things with them, hanging around the block seemingly all day every day, and this person often encourages a bunch of others to sit right in front of the main doors and smoke cigarettes, meaning you cannot get into or out of the block without being forced to socialise.
I will look out the window, and if I don't see anyone, spy through the peephole, crack the door open and listen in the stairwell, and if I can't hear this person (or anyone else) I will carefully quietly close the door (difficult with deadlocks) and hurry down the stairs on my toes. Then sneak down the laundry room stairs and carefully and quietly open the back door (this is especially if I can hear people smoking out front) and ease out, quietly closing it behind me. I will then squeeze myself through the gap in the side alley gate behind the bins, and if I am walking up the street past the block, cross the street and duck down behind the cars so no one sitting out front will see me going by.
When inside, I have taken to using an oil lamp and sitting it on the floor underneath the window, because putting the lights on alerts this particular person that I am in there and they think it acceptable to come knocking to "hang out" at any time of day or night. I use headphones to listen to music or watch DVDs for the same reason.
I have given this person abundant indication that I do not want to associate. I made the mistake of being polite, friendly and helpful when I first moved in, in the spirit of harmonious cohabitation, and it was a classic example of "give and inch and they take a mile." Now I'm stuck with this ridiculously restrictive behaviour just to avoid this person.
I don't answer the door, I just stay still until they go away. I'm even uptight about my phone message tone going off, paranoid they're going to hear it and force themselves on me. I've observed this person doing similarly with literally standing outside other tenants flats and screaming for them to come out and pay attention to them.
The people responsible for the building counsel "talking to" the person. But what do you say? Please don't be obnoxious? It' made worse by the fact that I was friendly to begin with before I realised they were batshit, but even if I hadn't been, I think this person would still be as intrusive.
/ Rant.

<--- Kinda hard for him to relate to people so he remains homeless and sleeps in his car.

While washing your car and you see someone approaching, sort of make your way to the other side of the car and do something there for a while there without making it look like you're intentionally evading. If they do speak to you look up only long enough to acknowledge and reply then turn back to the task at hand. Most people will move on if you appear to be deep in whatever you're doing.

If you're a morning person do it early before people are out and about.

HTH

I've been called a ninja and vampire.

I lie and make up excuses in order to get out of stuff.

I skip appointments sometimes with no reason...

I mostly go to certain places during the week and during the day. Less crowds.

At work I have to walk down narrow back room corridors to get to my department, and I always deliberately keep my head down and pretend like I don't see co-workers coming so I don't have to smile and say hello to them. I get very anxious when someone rings the doorbell, even the mailman, so I hide in the kitchen and peek through the living room blinds to watch them leave. I never answer my phone unless I recognise the number, and sometimes not even then. Even voicemails make me nervous because I'm afraid I'll have to call the person back, and I really hate using the phone. I sometimes cancel appointments when I just can't deal with them, as I did this past Monday, and I'll sometimes pretend to be busy on days I have nothing going on to get out of social events like parties or other gatherings of crowds that I don't feel in the mood to attend.

Very interesting to read what you have all put - recognise most of them - I have hidden in cupboards, pretended not to be in, lied and downright been unpleasant just to avoid people. It has just cost me money as I was going away on a gaming w/end with some people I know and trust when a guy who I despise (oppressive bully teacher-type) has dropped into the occasion so I am not going now as I would be too anxious around him. Had already booked the hotel etc but I would pay more not to be around him!

I also pretend I'm not home if someone is at the door. I hate having unexpected guests or even having someone at my door.

When I was younger and we didn't have call display, I wouldn't pick up the phone until it went to the message machine and I could hear who it was. We had to erase many messages that consisted of 'Honey, pick up the phone... click' from when my parents were out and calling home.

When I was a kid, my parents pushed me to socialize. When they would tell me to call someone to play, I'd dial our own number instead, then tell them that the line was busy. It worked for a while, but they eventually got suspicious and found me out by hitting redial.

I usually visit my parents or one of my other relatives, alternatively I'll just stay home.

This thread is gold, I can relate to every comment and I'm enjoying reading what you guys post.

- I wear headphones everywhere so people don't talk to me (including washing my car, I also use the pay & sprays).
- I drive an extra 9 miles to a different supermarket for food shopping, it has wider isles, no background music, is significantly less busy than other supermarkets, and no one I know shops there.
- I've moved house several times in my short life to get away from people who know me. When I move somewhere new, I don't socialise or draw attention to myself so people will just label me "that quiet guy". After a while, if people start getting to know me and talk to me, I'll probably just move again. I live in quiet areas where people keep to themselves.
- If people invite me out, I'll make an excuse not to go. If I'm pressured in to it, I'll just fake illness last minute and not go. After a while they stop asking.

It's so nice to be able to ask a question like this without getting weird looks (or their internet equivalents). I can relate to so much of what people have written in response.

I used to ride a scooter, and that was just one of the many advantages. I'm back to a car now, but the few people I know have their own cars so no one bothers me for lifts.



C2V, that sounds like a nightmare. I don't want to say it sounds crazy because if I had someone like that in my complex I'm not sure I wouldn't do very similar things. Either that or I'd simply tell him flat out to leave me alone until he got the message. The problem with people like that is that you can't be entirely sure what they'll do if the message ever does get through. The people in my current complex are okay, generally content to keep to themselves apart from exchanging a brief greeting if we happen to pass. I nonetheless have a dream of living alone on acreage so that I can't hear, see or sense my neighbours at all.



I am so not a morning person, which is unfortunate because getting up early is a really good way of avoiding people! I do use the kinds of techniques you describe - often by default because I'm genuinely concentrating - but it is tiring to have to put on act. I draw the line at having to do it at home. Love your username, by the way. Raptors are cool.



God, yes, I hate the phone. The primary reasons I own a smartphone are text messages, navigation and for internet on the go, not for voice.



God, yes, for the second time. I'm not comfortable with guests in general, but if they show up without arranging it first it will really upset me. Very few people know where I live. I have a PO Box, in part so that I don't have to give out my home address to people who might want to surprise me or just stop by to see if I'm in.

I seem to give off an unfriendly vibe; people usually ignore me actually. I do isolate myself too though. Right now I am sitting at school, but in a deserted hallway on the emergency exit stairs instead of in the crowded library...

And -

And -

Phoooone of doooom. There have been stacks of phone threads because so many of us hate this. I do the exact same thing. I never answer the phone, to the point where the caseworker won't even call, but will text or email to make sure I'm still alive. I know a fair few NT people who "screen," though, especially with house phones, to filter out nuisance calls / wrong numbers / charities / telemarketers. And they had their fair share of messages that consist of someone saying "it's me pick up the phone ... Pick up the phone ... Pick up."
I love text. I even make doctors (which with me, there are many) text me.

Hah! And I thought this was just my weirdness. I also have a PO Box, in another town, and refuse to get mail to a residential address partially for this reason. People will know where to find me. (Also because I'm homeless off and on - try making the state get their head around that one). I refuse to tell anyone, including my very frustrated parents, my address and have refused to do so for the last three houses I've lived in. So they can't arrive at me, or spy, or control. No one in my family knows where I live, or has ever been to the last three houses I've lived in. I just tell them the general area. Yeah, I love drop-ins.