My parents yelled at me for my aspergers today.....

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Hi all.

So heres the story:

I went down to a job orientation and i could already feel that i was getting really nervous due to my social anxiety and aspergers things. Now long story short, i could not do the drug test because i was so nervous and there was a a guy standing behind me as per usual for the drug test in the bathroom.

I had to leave afterwards because the HR chick wouldnt let me go further due to it. Thankfully im able to redo the orientation next week.

So now to the fun part.....yay.....[sarcasm intended]

So when im coming out of the place i was beating myself up over it because i was feeling so bad about it having to end it. The worst part of it all was when i was off to hang with some friends, my dad calls, yells at me for not getting it done and i keep telling him i couldnt because of the anxiety and he denied my issues and told me to "buck up", I find that term to be SO anoying.....especially coming from him. It made me feel so horrible and i had just gotten over that fact. Felt so betrayed by him not understanding. So i had to come home, and TRY to explain my situation and they refused to listen to my side of the story and saying im fine.

So my thoughts on this are the following:
* Why do my parents do this to me when im struggling with everyday social things?
* Why are they so close minded to my issues and dont believe me?
* Why do i want them to understand what im going thru so hard and yet they refuse to believe that i have issues?
* Im giving up on trying to explain this to them since they dont get it and ive tried numerous times to explain it to them.

Now granted that these thoughts are a bit emotional and i dont know another way to word them so bare with me.

Id like some help venting my frustrations on those who actually get what im going thru and would like some support in the matter as well.

Thanks all.

NTs, even parental NTs usually don't know everything aboutu autism, even if they say that they do. So, figure out how to either placate them or avoid letting them know too much about your characteristics.

Meanwhile, about your next job orientation: Have you tried acting out practice run-throughs? Your anxiety is the result of unfamiliar circumstances. So, make them a little bit more familiar by practicing what you will be expected to do. Seriously, try it a few times (and, nobody else needs to know what you are doing). This is how world-famous actors do it.

Thanks for the advice my friend. Next week wont be as bad as today since ill know what to expect from it.

Going thru practice runs sounds like a good idea.

Thanks.

If your profile is correct you are age 31. That means your dad is probably roughly around my age which is 58. When me and your dad grew up in the 60's and '70's men were expected to "buck up" . Our lives were not micromanaged, we were expected to not bother other people with our "personal s**t" and figure things out by ourselves. It was "sink or swim" mentality. If you could not hack it you were thought to be a weak person, not really a man, probably a "homo" (anti gay man slur).

This sounds awful, to feel horrible yourself and then to also be criticized. I notice people do this because they can't understand, and so they wonder if the only explanation is that the person is lying, lazy, ETC. The worst part is that the worst moment to try and make them understand is when they're mad about it.
'Buck up' is one of those overused phrases that's supposed to help but doesn't. I know I feel depressed also when people don't understand me. I try to focus on the ways people do understand me instead. FWIW, it's common to have trouble peeing while someone's watching, so all those people do understand, literally.

that drug tests like peeing in a cup with someone behind you right? how the hell does anyone expect a person to be able to do that? like how? thats a living nightmare! i totally understand that. from the perspective of someone whose also been yelled at multiple times for aspergers related things i can say it seems to be just a natural reaction they have, they don't understand what its like to be like this so therefore don't see what the problem is, especially with both of my parents being extroverts, its can also be due to not knowing much about it, but ive found that for example, even though my mother will know that its a part of aspergers, she will still yell at me for it, so its lead me to believe that its just an immediate reaction to the event.

I think the best thing to do is some sort of "training" type thing, since its their immediate reaction to get angry and not understand, perhaps trying to change their immediate reaction might work, for example offering some sort of penalty or reward for recognition like "everytime you fail, you put this amount of money in this jar" or "every time you get it, you get this" sort of thing....i don't know, that might be treating them like a dog or something but i think it might work?

The OP should consider that autistic kids often come from autistic parents. Your parents might have autism or other learning problems, too. They might not have the ability to step out of their own POV to be kind to you. And if they struggled when they were kids, there was no help for us back then. So they were probably told to buck up over and over again.

You would think that people who are abused would be less likely to abuse others. But the opposite is true. Abused people often will start to abuse others in exactly the way they were hurt. Its one of those weird things about the psyche.

What else should your parents do except give you encouragement? Not going through with a new job is a bad move.

It's the old-fashioned way of saying, "believe in yourself!".