Being extremely emotionally sensitive

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Roo95
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26 Sep 2017, 9:18 am

Hi, I have been wondering for a while if there are any aspies like me with this issue, if its normal and if its a ASD trait or not but here goes.
Basically I hear a lot the stereotype that people with ASD are cold hearted, emotionless people like robots and can't feel certain emotions like empathy, love and so on. I am a diagnosed aspie, diagnosed at 5 years old and I do not fit this stereotype and never did.
Im more emotional than any NT person I know and I seem to feel emotions much stronger and sometimes swear that I can feel others emotions for example at my apartment i rent with 3 friends, one of my very close friends was in tears, very hysterical as he was told his grandfather had 2 days to live and I tried my best to comfort him though a pathetic effort, and I just burst into tears myself and had to leave the room in complete confusion as to why I was in tears too and just sat at the door like a kid. And I once traveled to Scotland to attended my mums father in laws funeral. I didn't even know him, only met him once so I want really upset at all while at the funeral until I looked around, saw others crying and that's when I started crying too. Seeing others crying for some reason makes me cry too. I remember when this guy at my school died, I was the only one out of my friends who was extremely upset and distressed when we were told. I cry at a lot of things, sad movies, especially sad ones with dogs. I was upset for the people that died days after watching Titanic as a child. Even songs can make me tear up. I remember crying even during arguments with my parents who would then mock me and call me a baby. I still do struggle to show empathy though.
Anyone else like this?



TheAP
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26 Sep 2017, 9:33 am

I am very emotional. I can have meltdowns over the smallest things. I think it's an ASD trait as much as being (or seeming) unemotional is.



kraftiekortie
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26 Sep 2017, 9:50 am

It's at least a fairly common trait among members here.



AspieSingleDad
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26 Sep 2017, 10:01 am

Yes, this actually happens to me a lot. I can't pick up on some opportunities to be empathetic, but when something bad happens to a friend or loved one, I can get as upset as they are if not more so. My theory is that if somebody loses somebody, for instance, I can empathize because I've had similar experiences.

So when I look back at how much I struggled with loss, I feel bad for the person who just lost somebody because I don't want them to go through the same thing. The irony is I usually get more upset than the NT person does because the NT person can cope with loss better than I can. So my concerns about that person going through the same thing I am aren't quite accurate.



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26 Sep 2017, 12:27 pm

I'm also very sensitive emotionally. I cry from time to time. My friends call me Big Baby Schultz because of it.


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26 Sep 2017, 12:31 pm

I have a hard time with showing empathy sometimes.

-LegoMaster2149 (Written on September 26, 2017)



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26 Sep 2017, 2:56 pm

I have a hard time with responding correctly, but I do have very strong empathy and I can easily cry over other people's problems as well. I just seem cold and uncaring sometimes because my facial expression can be flat and I seem like I don't care, even though I do, really :D ! It was when I went through pain myself that I really started having this reaction to things. My mom tells me when I was little I had to ask why characters in movies were feeling a certain way. Now, movies can make me so sad and I deeply empathize with the characters in them because I know what suffering feels like. I struggle to show empathy, but that doesn't mean I don't feel it. I feel it stronger than most people.


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26 Sep 2017, 9:36 pm

I can only speculate really. I am very sensitive to how others feel, and I feel like crying often. I've learned not to, and was pressured intensely to be 'normal' by family and teachers etc. I was never diagnosed, but just yelled at until I acted as expected. I think a lot of aspies get detached from their emotional responses by the need to fit in and feel safe or normal. Although I do empathize a great deal, even more than is needed or requested(oops!lol), I often don't know what the heck to actually do. I can't(for example) bring myself to say "Everything will be ok!" without empirical evidence to support that. I struggle to help my young nephew feel secure with change when I just want to be honest with him, which my mother points out is not always good for kids..... So yeah, I think aspies can be sensitive and feeling and even empathic. My struggle is trying to find the boundary on what to say and what not to say, when to put a hand on someone's shoulder or back, and when to give them space. And my face goes blank when I don't know what feeling they would like to see..... etc. :|


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27 Sep 2017, 10:49 am

My mum tried to teach me not to cry with her excessive yelling, scolding and sending me to my room, but it didn't really work. I don't cry nearly as much as I did when I was 9, but I do cry about once or twice a month.


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dd1
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27 Sep 2017, 3:46 pm

I'm overly emotional too, to the point that my emotions are so intense sometimes they almost physically hurt. And I cry when watching most movies :oops:



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27 Sep 2017, 4:41 pm

dd1 wrote:
I'm overly emotional too, to the point that my emotions are so intense sometimes they almost physically hurt. And I cry when watching most movies :oops:


My emotions can almost physically hurt too. Especially ones like grief and longing!


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27 Sep 2017, 5:15 pm

Yep, I'm the same way, right down to feeling other people's emotions myself, though I think to a lesser degree than they do. I'm also a sympathetic cryer - if someone else is crying, I'll cry too (even if it's someone on TV sometimes :oops: ). I may seem like I'm not empathetic or feeling emotions, though, because I keep things to myself whenever possible, and I often don't have any idea what to do to comfort someone who's upset - I tend to express my feelings in different ways than NTs do, but that doesn't mean I don't feel them. However, my body's reaction to any strong emotion is to cry, which is very annoying - if I'm upset, I just want to be left alone, not have everyone asking me what's wrong. I wish there was some way I could keep it from happening, because I find it very embarrassing. I also will sometimes cry at songs and often at movies. I've long since quit watching anything that features an animal because the animal usually ends up dying, which always makes me cry even though I know it's going to happen.


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27 Sep 2017, 5:22 pm

I would describe myself as being extremely emotionally sensitive, I cry all the time. As a child the few things I can remember anyone saying about me was how intelligent I was, that I used lots of ‘big words’ and how sensitive I was. When my mother used the words sensitive I don’t remember it been used in anything but a positive way. But then my mother always did fight my corner bless her. I cried only today when I told my wife how much I need her, which is true. I would fall apart without her


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Benjamin the Donkey
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27 Sep 2017, 9:50 pm

In my case, I seem emotionless to a lot of people, but that's just because I keep my emotions unseen for fear of a) overreacting and looking like a fool / scaring people, or b) letting people see my real feelings and taking advantage of me. It's very hard to break out of this behavior, which I learned to deal with my unpleasant realities as a child.


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27 Sep 2017, 10:17 pm

I think what you describe is pretty common among those on the spectrum.

I actually just posted the following in a different thread, but it seems to apply here equally.

SplendidSnail wrote:
There are two kinds of empathy: Affective empathy and Cognative empathy.

Affective empathy is the ability to look at someone and recognise the emotional state of that person. Those on the spectrum very often actually have very good Affective empathy. We can look at someone, see that that person is sad, and even feel very sorry for that person.

Cognitive empathy is the ability to see things from someone else's perspective. It is this that many people on the spectrum lack. Not being able to see things from someone else's perspective often means that, although we recognise someone's emotional state through affective empathy, we don't know how to respond to it. This seems to me to be quite a bit like what you're describing in your OP.

A test of purely Cognative empathy that has nothing to do with Affective empathy is the Sally Anne test, which can be found here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjkTQtggLH4.

Personally, I find the Sally Anne test quite easy to pass. I think most people on the spectrum except for very young children can probably pass this test simply by using straight logic, but it does illustrate the difference between Affective empathy and Cognitive empathy pretty well.


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neurotypicalET
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28 Sep 2017, 5:08 am

I have cognitive empathy. But it was something I've learned consciously and not something I was born with. I just call it " drama sensor" or " bullsh*t detector".


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