I'm antisocial and I want to fix it

Post Reply New Topic

Hi all.

SUMMARY OF MY LIFE

I'm 19 year old and I need some help. I started going to therapist at the age of 12. I was using antidepressants called "Prozac" and "Abilify" until last month. I gave up using these pills because they were useless, and have side effects (weight gain + acne problem). By the way, my psychiatrist was also useless, he was just writing a prescription and sending me home.

I'm autistic, antisocial and socially anxious. I struggle when talking to strangers, cant make eye contact and i get severely anxious. I have 0 friends, i go out rarely, only when special occasions. I feel like i dont belong to this world. I have nothing to do outside.

EDUCATION

I'm preparing for university exam right now. The exam is in 6 months. But i cant keep motivated, because i think nobody loves me except my family. I feel like im the unwanted person. So i'm an introvert. I was a little more social in high school, and i was more successful than my peers. But now? Im an introvert and i just do NOTHING in my daily routine.

I'm asking if it is possible to fix my problem(s)? I know my problems are worse than any other autistics. But i cant live my whole life in this way

Here's the issue.
You are worthy in your own right.

That said, I'm very glad you have the support of a loving family, that's a tremendous thing!

Be motivated, because you have a unique and valuable gift to share with the world.

I wish you the best of success!

Everything takes practice. You can start by discussing the weather when you make a minor purchase. You can join groups because either the people or the group purpose look interesting. I was once in a catch-all group for people recovering from childhood traumas and we would go and play easy sports together, even though none of us were good at them. We needed practice at all the polite little exchanges involved in group activity. We see them in dramas on-screen, but have to act them out ourselves.

Education is something that is necessary. Don't devalue it.

There's just so much to learn.

What is it that's preventing you from being motivated?

The Wonder movie currently playing in movie theaters may help you understand relationships with "normal" people. Normal people find ways to get past lies and mistakes, because "everyone" does that. People who expect their partners to be perfect don't have any friends.

Thanks, i need to gain self confidence, to love myself. Because sometimes i hate myself.

I have lack of self confidence. And im depressed because of this.

I'm afraid of talking with strangers because whatever i do, i always fail. I cant even ask the time to strangers. And i am unconfident

I will look at that movie. To be honest, i watched very less movies in my entire life. I was usually playing video games. I gave up playing them 1 year ago. I think i need to do more enjoyable and useful things. Like watching movie, reading book

If you want things to be better, you have to change, starting with some tiny thing that is the biggest you can do now. Maybe you can hold the door open for people, and sometimes get a nod in thanks. Maybe you could rehearse asking for the time in a mirror, until you can do it in public. Ask people who are not busy - maybe waiting for a bus, and thus concerned with time themselves. A very useful skill to practice is to look at or near someone's eyes, smile, and say "thanks." Practice until you can do it automatically, like scratching your nose.
I recently saw a vid of a boy with major physical problems who decided to become a wrestler. He worked extremely hard in training, and didn't win a single fight his first year. However, the number of seconds it took to defeat him kept going up, and eventually, he was winning regularly.

I've benefited more from my failures than I have from my rare successes. But I would never have believed that at 19.

Well. I want to go to university next year. But i was a very antisocial person in high school. I was sitting in the classroom usually. I'm afraid if everything will be the same in university, too. Because university is a social environment. I can't sit in the classroom all the time, i need to socialize, make friends, talk to teachers when necessary.

I know life is too hard for autistics.

So, can you give me some advices, about my life goals. Should i give up studying? Should i continue being an introvert, or socialize? Where can i be more social? My mom wants me to go to gym to lose weight. Because i'm fat (97 kilograms). I want to lose weight, but i'm scared of such places. There will be too many people there, and im socially anxious. I'm afraid of being bullied there.

Throughout my life, my mom helped me with social life. She was coming to therapist with me, for example. I do very less things by myself. But i need to do, because i'm 20 years old, i'm growing up constantly. My mom cant help me with everything, right? I'm an adult! But i doubt if can do something myself. For example I'm afraid of registering to gym by myself.

I dont know what to do, to solve my problems. Please give me advices. I'm desperate.

We have told you how we got through. You have the advice. Now, calm down, and take those baby steps, fall down, get up, and keep doing it, over and over and over again. We can't give you practice, and your brain needs lots of it. Steadily replace your time-wasting habits with productive ones.
Also, remember to use your imagination. You can exercise outside of a gymnasium, and walking is good for calming, too. You can get an education on-line or from books, and sometimes even get a certificate. If you can't get through the social part of university, odds are that you won't be socially acceptable for most employment. That isn't fatal, it just means you get to be self-employed. That can save a lot of time and money.

I find gyms quite intimidating, lot's of NT's do as well. I've had a couple of goes over the years but felt they are not for me so no more. Maybe you could set yourself small goals such as trying to join or better still just going for one class but that should be it, so that the goal is just that you have a go, not that you stick it out or even go through with a full class or actually join just that you have a go.
It's ok to try something not feel comfortable and walk away from it, just the trying some thing new or that you haven't done for a while is a big step forward from not trying. The less pressure you put on yourself and what the outcome should be the less anxious you are likely to feel.
Neither my dad or I are social, he has made a few friends at the gym, I never made even a single acquaintance (19months) so it's a different experience for everyone. Avoid agreeing to pay much until you are sure you like it and are going to keep going.

I suggest continuing to study. Your social opportunities are much better if you are in school. You might consider helping other students with their studies. Not for money, but the chance to socialize or interact with them. You need the practice. Don't worry about getting "paid back." I'd skip the gym. Instead, join special interest clubs where you may be less awkward.

^That's a really good idea about helping others study.