Fake it till you make it and Positive Attitude

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I watched this video here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4Qct-k9gZI

I think think for some people (especially those with ASD) instead of these things being a mindset these things need to be treated as a series of skills one needs to learn if one wants success in the workplace. This is what a lot of these self-help gurus assume and they tell you that one must change his mindset in other words one may have to deny reality.

A mindset is the established set of attitudes held by someone.

A skill on the other hand is the ability to do something well; expertise.

Some people such as myself go by reason and logic in our assessment of things. I have an analytical personality as do others. Our attitudes and mindsets come from what we conclude using reason, logic combined with our analytical personality. We need an alternative. All of this if we want to succeed especially in the workplace. As for me, for now, I'm done. But, this is for new blood who I don't want making the same mistakes I did in my life.

And, that is those with analytical personalities like mine don't need to change their mindset or our attitudes but learn to display the correct attitude and mindset that are acceptable to others. Differing situations require different projections. This means learning to not only say one can even if it may seem to go against all odds but learning to project the ummph, energy and passion to saying one can do. And, then learn quick by going to youtube videos, google, books, etc, etc. Learn to shake hands with a certain amount of grip( I do wonder if there are devices that can measure acceptable grips.)

I also think for an AS individual is hard to create such a mindset, because I, like yourself, act on behalf of my own logic only. I don't accept other people tips regarding my own behaviour honestly.

I do acknowledge tho, that an invidividual in my university is very dumb, because he has this phrase written on his whatsapp status!
I mean, you publicly state "fake it till you make it" and you expect that people will consider your behaviour serious/give it any kind of attention! you dumb af!

If you fake it, people see right through you.

There’s a fine line between adapting to your environment and faking it.

Fake it Till You Make It comes back to bite people in the butt. They are found out and get in big trouble. In the meantime, however, they do other people a lot of damage.

A positive attitude is good, but not out of proportion to reality. Some of the most ignorant people have an overblown sense of their competence and importance. These people wind up being detrimental, even toxic, to the organizations they're a part of.

I am a positive person in general, but I'm also objective. I'm not the kind of person who can smile and laugh like a fool if things aren't going well.

Instead of faking it until you make it (other than obvious masking needs), it's better to realistically assess how to figure out the motivations and expectations of others and maneuver intelligently in context to those, aligning interests to achieve greater social ability. It's not all just smiling and positive "go getter" attitudes that cause people to like you and act in accordance to your needs.



Also...for those of dubious moral character:




Be nice to others and don't take that last video "too" seriously. Similar strategies can be used without causing harm in terms of planting suggestions and relenting when resistance is found

I think I may have cracked the code of the NT and the NT brain. The NT brain has variations but I think the NT brain has a remarkable capability that the Autistic brain lacks or is duller. To explain:

1. One's emotional states are displayed through non-verbal language and non-verbal facial expressions.

2. Others around you react to these states whether it is conscious or unconscious.

3. NTs have what is called a theory of mind (going by their words). We lack it and/or it is dull.

4. This theory of mind doesn't just apply to other people but to themselves. Not just their present selves but their past and possible future selves.

5. With that being said they have the ability to put themselves in their future selves' shoes and imagine how they would react and feel if they succeeded in what they were trying to accomplish. What would be their positive emotions.

6. They take those feelings and let themselves experience those feelings as their current selves.

7. Those current feelings they feel as their current selves allow them to project optimism and a positive attitude.

This is not a time travel in the literal sense but a sort of metaphysical time travel emotionally if I'm explaining this properly. I don't know.

Hi Cube
Optimism seems to me to be environmental ( nurturing family) and also genetic.( I know many miserable, pessimistic NT's.)

I have learned so much on this forum, and a lot specifically from you. Let's take an example of two college graduates who are computer programmers. One NT the other on the spectrum.

NT probably has friends, a girlfriend, and may have slight anxiety which is interpreted as excitement or anticipation at the prospect of launching himself into endless job interviews and searching out the perfect job that suits his career choice. He will be nervous before interviews but basically he can prepare himself in advance and negotiate terms and present himself efficiently. He will assess the interviewer by body language, the general ambience of the place, and will manouver himself accordingly.

Aspie is a different story. He will probably obsess over every possible scenario that may transpire during the interview, reenacting it to himself repeatedly. He will worry about not catching essential cues from the interviewer's body language, missing anecdotes and innuendos and attempts to bond and make him feel at ease. The lighting may make him uneasy, there may be annoying background noise. Our guy is tense and anxious, understandably so, because he is not sure what to ask, how to ask it, whether he will comprehend the response. He may be on the verge of panic. He has the necessary skills for the job, but his realistic self-awareness keeps intruding and putting himself into stress mode. How will he cope socially? Will he be efficient and work quickly enough? Will his diligence and precision hold him back in output? He has perhaps a history of solitude perhaps even trauma from school, college, life. His heart really wants this job but there are so many factors involved in comparison with our NT guy.
Possibly NT is less acute of thought than Aspie. less innovative and methodical, but he has fewer factors to stand in his way to success. No sensory issues, he has a good theory of mind, no OCD, he has great social skills.

Who would be more likely to be the more opimistic of the two? Who would try and predict every single thing that could go belly up before he even started?

It takes incredible courage to willingly put yourself on the market and wait to be snapped up and be integrated into a workforce, with the rivalry and envy and cliques and all the social complexities that it involves.

NT's do pick up unspoken messages, can sense tension in the air or humor. Some more than others.
Aspies are excellent at methodical, in- depth thinking, diligence and accuracy . They are reliable. ( I speak of the Aspies I know well)

I suppose if an Aspie succeeds at his first job then he would be optimistic when applying for a higher position, there would be less anxiety involved. If his job has been tainted with failure and social struggles then he would be fearful. Many NT's can find themselves in a similar situation, so nothing is absolute.

An NT who has had success in the past will be optimistic towards the future. If he has failed then he will be anxious and hesitant. Some of us fail repeatedly but never stop believing that one day our luck will change. Everyone is different.

But, that's if the Aspie is even able to get an interview. With rare exception, I never got an interview. And, here is why especially in the IT field. I don't know how it is with other fields. In the IT field employers require multi-skills and each skill requires multiple years of experience. That's the major hurdle I encountered.

My father always said to follow my instincts. My instincts as he called them kept telling me don't go to college. It's not going to work out for you in the end. He was the one who believed I could go to college, encouraged me to take the stupid SAT (where some of the questions were simply nonsensical and we were taught more how to take this test more then the content of this test) yet my instincts told me not to. I was in a double bind. Follow my instincts and not go or don't follow my instincts and go. I chose the latter. Big mistake since there are little to no services for those such as myself.

In my senior year of high school I got into drugs. To give background, I had so much difficulty with the SATs. For one, I was expected to take a test in which I wasn't taught the content including obscure vocabulary words most people never use. Second, the essays were so long and boring. And, then there was the math problems and they were word problems for the most part. I couldn't even get the easy ones. It was pounded in my head that if I didn't do well on the SAT, I wouldn't get into a good college and if I didn't get into a good college I would not get a good job. Even with studying these SATs with my father (that I didn't really wish to do in the first place anyway) the most I was able to achieve was 900. I finally concluded why am I bothering especially when all of my efforts from kindergarden on were for naught. Why bother to be that good student when I have little to nothing to show for it? I had no friends anyway, so I got into drugs in my senior year.

I was able to get off drugs and get into college. And, college was difficult for me as well. The only reason I never quit in college at differing moments was I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. And, there is a whole heck of a lot more.

Suffice it to say, I would never have gone to college nor did drugs and skipped school to hang out with folks to do drugs. I would've skipped school and went to the social security disability office and filled out all the required paperwork and submit all the required forms to claim disability. I would've just gave up just like that and moved on.

We live in a world that forces square pegs into round holes. When do we as the autistic community give a big, emphatic no. Our mental and physical health must come first before some puritan "work ethic" demands. When do we stop submitting to demands of a capitalistic culture that sees us as commodities and numbers from pre-school on to college to employment that we can't fit into. When do we say yes to being ourselves and being true to ourselves?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR5ApYxkU-U

It takes an unusually enlightened parent to enable a child to discover what his soul needs and embark on a fulfilling path of self discovery. I am horrified today that kids no longer go to college/uni to study a subject that they are passionate about as we did in the past. Life is so demanding now that you must study a profession that will provide the most money and the promise of never being unemployed. It's all about the money.

Your parents no doubt had the very best of intentions Cube, fearing that you would miss the things that other kids were doing. Wanting the best life could offer for you. Probably not understanding the inner torment that you were enduring.

But that was then. I think perhaps that now you are unable to extricate yourself from this mindset of fulfilling everyone's expectations but your own, or maybe you don't even know how to discover an occupation that would bring you pleasure and self-expression.

Obviously "faking it" does not always lead to "making it" and these corny self-help videos do not always transform us into our hearts desire. Faking it for prolonged periods leads to psychology trauma, emotional burnout and a loss of the authentic self.

So. Been there, done that, didn't work, didn't enjoy it. Now what?

Now is the time to experiment and forget what eveyone else is forcefeeding you and telling you is the correct path ( I mean look at the world around you, could anyone have made a bigger mess of things?)

Delve down deep inside and rediscover the things that create a feeling of pure delight, joy, that warm your heart, that bring you satisfaction. Could be music, building ships in bottles from matchsticks, experimenting with programming in a way that suits you and works for you. Anything that you love.

Accept that you are disabled, and accept that disability does not necessarily have to equate with misery and failure. If your location stifles you then move to somewhere that will allow you to live as you wish and flourish, as you believe to be true for you. Just learn to enjoy the process without obsessing over the results. Learn to enjoy sweety. Be yourself.

What I wish I could do is get others to actually think through what they say and write especially educators and administrators.

Let me tell you what happened in middle school to me. Some of the rules at differing moments in time could never be obeyed.

Here is why. I had to use the restroom. The faculty allowed me to use their office restroom. The door knob malfunctioned. I couldn't turn the knob to let myself out. I screamed out help at first and no one heard me. And, then I came up with the idea to kick the door down. I saw John McClane do this in the Die hard movies. But, then I realized if I do this I would be vandalizing their property which was against their rules. But, on the other hand if I didn't I would be late for class. Oh what to do? Oh what to do? I do one action I break one rule and I do another action I break another rule. I tried screaming for help and trying to come up with any other solution.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HAL_9000# ... Two_(novel)_and_2010:_The_Year_We_Make_Contact_(film)

I realized another potentiality. What if my safety was at stake and I didn't know. What if my own safety conflicted with the rules themselves. It finally dawned on me what all of these rules were for. They were supposedly to provide me a safe and educational environmental. I realized my obedience to these rules hinged upon their end of the bargain. My being trapped in the restroom prevented them from providing that safe and educational environment. And, then it got me thinking about the nazis, the law and how obedience to the law at the time didn't cut it at the Nuremburg trials. I then realized I no longer had to obey this particular rule in this particular case.

I started kicking the door down like McClane in Die Hard and I was able to kick open the grating that was at the bottom of the door. I was able to tell a female student that was sitting in the chair in front of the restroom to get one of the people to open the door and they did. I got out and made it to my class. Nothing happened to me.

As you see the whomever designed the rules didn't think this through. If I do have a passion then my passion I guess is to fight against Orwellian and contradictory rules such as this that cropped up. It is to revamp especially the educational and rule making policy of faculty and staff to make sure they follow the law of non-contradiction when making their rules. It is also to instill into tomorrow's generation to not obey and not take authority figures at face value. To ask questions. Isn't that one of the lessons of Nuremburg taught us. Is to ask questions of authority and hold them accountable?

I don’t feel not knocking down a door is an Orwellian rule.

School rules suck, yes. And I was sort of a “victim” of them at times.

But to compare them to “1984” is an exaggeration.

life wouldn't be so hard/i'd have a more "positive" attitude if it wasn't so danged complicated and unforgiving on every front. people expect me to be perfect, but to these other perfect beautiful people what seems perfect to me is merely "stone cold adequate" or even mediocre, in their haughty view. if hermithood wasn't an option then i doubt i'd still be alive.

What would be a better analogy?

Maybe a realistic portrayal/ satire of a school situation.

Maybe Catch 22?

Ya, that's a better term.

I still think rather than being stuck in what's wrong with what doesn't work, it's better to find what does work for me and create something better. Isn't that the meaning of progress?