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Iphone31966
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29 Oct 2020, 11:10 pm

Abuse. I am being abused. I tell Siri, "I am being abused". I google "I am being abused".

I don't get anything useful that would actually help? Abuse shelters are for women.

There isn't an abuse shelter for just for MEN!



Iphone31966
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29 Oct 2020, 11:22 pm

Psychological abuse.

Abuse when men are abused by everyone including when men are abused by women.



Dear_one
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29 Oct 2020, 11:23 pm

There are now shelters for abused men and boys in the largest Canadian cities. What is the nature of your abuse?



Iphone31966
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29 Oct 2020, 11:30 pm

Name a shelter for abused men. Name a shelter. What shelter. Prove it. Name it.



Dear_one
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29 Oct 2020, 11:37 pm

Hmm. The Canadian Centre For Men and Families https://menandfamilies.org/about-us/ has seven facilities, but is still a bit over a month away from their first residential shelter, not named yet.

"By December 31st, we can open Canada’s first family shelter for fathers and children. With the backing of thousands of donors, last week we took a giant leap for men and families when we purchased a beautiful house at 26 Mansur Terrace in the dynamic York University Heights community."



DeepBlueSouth
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30 Oct 2020, 2:20 am

I've been verbally, psychologically, physically, and sexually abused. This is America. An abuse hotline will hear you out, but as far as I know we do not have abuse shelters [and few other such resources] for males in the Eastern US. Know that it's not okay, that you are not alone, and do not do anything rash. One in six boys or men are raped or sexually assaulted, and as many as one in four adult men report psychological and physical abuse at home at some point in their life. Hang in there, and feel free to PM me if you prefer to talk privately. I can't offer more than what I've gained through experience and recovery, but it is indeed possible to move on. If the abuse puts you in danger, research resources for homeless shelters. These are the only options for abused men in most of the US.


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30 Oct 2020, 4:50 am

A quick google search shows many resources for victims of domestic violence in PA. More than I can research this morning before work.

At least one mentions services for men: Blackburn Center
Says: safe housing for men can be provided at a separate location.

Most hotlines will provide services for men, if not a shelter. It is frustrating to search for help and services. It takes patience and time and phone calls, which are difficult for auties. I know; it is part of the work I do.

You can also find emotional support at WP by posting in The Haven, or more privacy posting in Members Only.


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carlos55
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30 Oct 2020, 5:33 am

If you have been abused you should contact the police and social services


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adromedanblackhole
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30 Oct 2020, 6:55 am

There are a few men's shelters in Pennsylvania my friend. This is the first men's shelter that you'll see when you google search "Men's shelters Pennsylvania"
https://www.bethesdamission.org/our-min ... s-mission/
Not recommending it, but it does exist.
If you are currently in an abusive environment the only option is to leave and heal.



Dear_one
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30 Oct 2020, 8:50 am

carlos55 wrote:
If you have been abused you should contact the police and social services


I would be very cautious about that. In North America, Police automatically believe that women are always the victims. As far as I can tell, everywhere they also automatically suspect anyone with atypical reactions, which describes Aspies. Now, I get legal advice before calling 911.



Iphone31966
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30 Oct 2020, 4:53 pm

911, police, social services does not work. The police are not social workers.

I'm in the United states. Is there any real answer for abused men to get help.



Iphone31966
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30 Oct 2020, 5:00 pm

Homeless shelters are for men. Men's homeless shelters.

Are there women's homeless shelters? Women have something better. Women get help with abuse before it they get to the point of being homeless. Women get support when they get out of a homeless shelter.

Men need to have the same help that is offered for women except that men get dedicated help for abused men.



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30 Oct 2020, 5:07 pm

So my question to you is: Are you looking for help...as there seems to be places in PA for you to get help, and you can certainly call crisis hotlines? What have you already tried? or are you just wanting to vent about how women have more resources than men?


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DeepBlueSouth
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30 Oct 2020, 6:19 pm

Dear_one wrote:
carlos55 wrote:
If you have been abused you should contact the police and social services


I would be very cautious about that. In North America, Police automatically believe that women are always the victims. As far as I can tell, everywhere they also automatically suspect anyone with atypical reactions, which describes Aspies. Now, I get legal advice before calling 911.


Amen. Contrary to popular opinion, the police are not your friend, and in most of the US, they are far more likely to escalate a dangerous situation [particularly as it pertains to one's mental health, civil rights, and safety] than be of any assistance whatsoever. The local police force here is so bad, we won't even use a security system for when we are not at home. I have never been helped by police in ANY emergency situation I have ever endured and falsely accused and arrested almost a dozen times. Unless I or someone else is experiencing a medical or fire emergency, I will not call 911, and will only talk to police is someone is in imminent peril from a dangerous individual.

When I was 21 years old, a friend of mine was experiencing a mental health crisis [homicidal, not suicidal], and in spite of my concern for him [and the person at whom he was angry] I was far more willing to wake up his parents and inform them than to call 911 myself. They, in turn, called the police; and the "peace" officers literally encircled him with seven men with hands on their pistols like a lynch mob in a western film, and proceeded to inform him that he was "acting crazy and delusional" and that he would either be going to jail or the hospital. For several minutes I sincerely believed that I was going to see them kill him in front of me, and as they had all blocked me in with their cruisers, I was unable to drive away [though I honestly wanted to very badly]. Thankfully, he chose to surrender without incident and self-committed to a local mental health ward [which is another option for you if you feel very unsafe and are willing to try psychotropic medications]. As others here have indicated, if you are male and anywhere on the spectrum, I strongly recommend almost any option other than the police and civil services. Without any physical evidence, they will not even hear you out.

I assure you that while there are likely no physical support groups for abused men in your area, there are such groups online. I agree, the lack of resources is indeed unfair, but such resources operate upon the demand for said resources. Most males are either unwilling or unable to admit to being abused, which is part of the unfair social structures foisted upon all of us whether male, female, or non-binary. I myself have been mocked for years by both other men and even women [once by a girlfriend, now an ex] for being open about my various abuses over the years. It is not your fault, and coming forward openly takes courage and conviction; it is NOT a sign of weakness in any way, shape, or form. Being male does NOT mean that you are inferior or to blame for how others might perceive you or your current situation. I totally and completely respect and understand your frustration with the status-quo, but the best thing for you to do is to make a plan: rationally explore your options for assistance and eventual treatment options which may be available to you.

There is life after abuse. You can only fail when you proceed to give up. Hang in there, brother. You are not alone. :heart:


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Dear_one
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30 Oct 2020, 7:02 pm

Iphone31966 wrote:
911, police, social services does not work. The police are not social workers.

I'm in the United states. Is there any real answer for abused men to get help.


It is rather crazy-making to hear about gender equality at every turn, as if it were similar to racial equality. The non-visible "racial characteristics" generally vanish after adoption into another group, but people remain fiercely loyal to their gender identity and its differences. The truth is that every mammal has to determine both species and gender before knowing how to behave with another creature. In any crisis, from a shortage of lifeboats to a war, men are considered more expendable than women, and that attitude permeates all the social programs to assist people. There is help, but not much compared to programs for women.



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30 Oct 2020, 7:35 pm

Have you tried calling any services in your area? I'm sure there is something or somewhere that could assist? I'm sorry to hear your being abused , it's not ok for anyone to be abused. All the best for finding some help with everything. Are you safe though? That's probably the most important part.. feeling safe is very important!