[ POLL ] Is this common?

Post Reply New Topic

There seem to be a trend among people with ASDs; namely, being overly concerned that past events or that what goes on in other people's minds is somehow important.

This is not to say that every person with an ASD expresses these two behaviors, nor is it to say that everyone who expresses these behaviors has an ASD.  These just seem to be common behaviors among many of the people who log in to this website.

What do you think?

When I'm on here I get concerned about past events and what other people think of me. I've toned down a few things about myself on WP because of it. I feel there's a fine line that I have to constantly have to watch here, but it makes my time here all worthwhile.

Depends on how you define "overly". Knowing what others think of you is an almost universal human desire. Autistic people probably care about it a little less on average, but worry about it more if they do care, because its harder for them.

"Overly" ... maybe obsessing to such a degree that doing so interferes with day-to-day living and personal growth?

I'm not sure how I could answer on behalf of other people with ASD.
I have no idea how they think, or what they worry about.

Aww ... I was hoping no one would catch on this soon!  The poll does pose a kind of a "Catch-22" question.

There seems to be at least two users here who seem to think they can read other people's minds and think they know what that other user was thinking when they wrote a comment. They seem more concerned what that person is thinking than what they have written. I dont know if this is a ASD but when anyone does this online, these are the people I limit my interaction with. I call it word twisting.

This.

I thought it was an NT thing to care about what others were thinking? I mean, NTs are always seeking social approval.

My wish is that people not let their past ruin their present and future.

I usually don’t care too much what people think of me when I don’t seek to harm others.

I get the impression that autistic people may be more likely to be very socially anxious and very concerned with what others think than NTs but also more likely to feel no social anxiety at all and be indifferent towards others' opinions about them.

I guess being preoccupied with the past is common for people who haven't gotten over some past event, feel like their past is still affecting their present in a negative way or don't have a lot going on in their lives and have a lot of time to mull over their past - which may be the case for quite a few autistic people. Depression and social anxiety may contribute too. Social anxiety may lead to a preoccupation with embarrassing past events or past social rejection in particular. And some autistic people may have a tendency to obsess and be inflexible as a direct result of their individual autism symptoms.

I don't want to answer for others.

For myself: I have social anxiety so I am concerned about how others think of me. Especially how weak they think I am and easy to take advantage of.

In terms of past events, I'm aware of the events which caused me harm in the past and that influences my opinions in the present.

Even without my social anxiety, I was aware of how events harmed me and that made me cautious.

I'm actually kind of obsessed with social power because I notice certain NTs use it all the time so I try to establish respect for myself rather than necessarily being likeable. After all, I look young for my age, I look like a girl, I'm short, I'm autistic, among other things. People don't need excuses to deny me social power when they have all that to work with.

This was my sig-line for a while, and will be again sometime after the 20th:

Since there is no singular, absolute definition of human nature, nor any ultimate evaluation of human nature beyond that which we project onto others, individuals should be judged or defined only by their actions and choices, and not by what we only imagine their intentions and motivations to be.

This concept is one of the pillars of modern existentialism.

How do you know that this what they are thinking?

During last year's "Fnord Derangement Syndrome" event, some members were prone to post false assumptions like "Fnord thinks that..." or "Fnord's intent is...".  I think maybe what saved me was pressing the point that, if people are to be judged, they should be judged solely on the basis of their actions, and not on what we only assume their intentions to be.

Now, here I am obsessing on the past, so maybe I should change my vote and make it one step higher to "Yes, most of the time".

I picked the first option. I definitely obsess and worry about what other people think of me and I will admit that I spend a lot of time going over in my head every little thing I said in a conversation. I also have some events from the past (going back to when I was a small child even) that I think about a lot and that I get sad about and wish I had handled differently. That often leads to me feeling very depressed and even mad at myself. I know it's not really helpful to obsess over things I can't go back and change, but I feel like it's impossible for me to not think about them and what they have led to people thinking of me.

Lately, it has been more so that I go over and over in my head the conversations I have with friends online and one of my biggest fears is accidentally upsetting somebody and losing friends. I worry about that almost constantly and I then spend a lot of time too thinking about whether or not certain people like me and getting really sad if there is somebody I want to be friends with that I just can't seem to win over.

That's too complicated a question to answer through a poll.

Personally, I look back on misunderstandings I've had and bad decisions I've made (normally when highly anxious) and regret them, and hope to avoid similar situations in future.

I know I can't always agree with everyone else, and thus conflict is unavoidable sometimes, but I do get very depressed about unnecessary conflict. Particularly if that was my fault, but still to a lesser extent if it wasn't, too. I don't really like upsetting people, but I do have quite strong principles, and reconciling the two isn't easy.

A lot of it feels like wasted opportunities and wasted effort. I don't mind so much if people don't like me, but I don't really want to be upsetting people who are genuinely nice just because I'm having a bad day. Upsetting horrible people is fine, though

I'm also aware that my here-and-now self-awareness and understanding of others is often lacking, so I seek to compensate for that by looking at past events to understand what might be going on in the present, what the options are, and what the consequences might be.

The extent to which I do these things can vary considerably. Sometimes it might be excessive, other times maybe I don't do it enough.

That is odd ... 15 other people seem to disagree with you.