Did any of you have a bad time in autism groups?

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I can't make friends in groups. Do any of you hate groups?

I'll be disappointed if no one responds to this.

The only place I can make friends is at work - paid or voluntary. Going to groups just feels forced and friendships just don't happen.

I can't usually make new friends in real life anywhere. I want to make friends at a cool volunteer job I go to but I'm afraid of rejection and being humiliated and being kicked out of the job if people think I'm bugging them. I had a similar experience more than 10 years ago and I tried to be friends with someone at different volunteer job and it briefly worked out ok but this woman was depressed and couldn't see me again and I was pushy about it and she didn't like that. I wouldn't do that again but I'm still to nervous to try to make friends at jobs or groups because I don't want problems happening.

Last edited by catpiecakebutter on 17 Jul 2025, 10:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

I have not been to one in over a decade. I can’t say I made friends but that was not my intention. It was beneficial to me to discuss autism in person with other autistics and not to be worried about social awkwardness.

Generally I do not like groups. Reading the body language of one person is hard enough. I am a poor multitasker so attempting to socialize with multiple people at the same time

Speaking of support groups the British TV series ‘Patience’ is now airing and streaming in the United States on PBS. It features a lead autistic character played by an autistic actress. I have watched half of it so far and there have been two brief scenes set in an adult support group.

Last edited by ASPartOfMe on 17 Jul 2025, 10:53 am, edited 3 times in total.

I'm not that good at making friends, which is why I value social acceptance and being liked in the workplace, as it's a place you have to go to every day. I think for me it stems back to my high school days where a lot of it was spent being lonely and isolated and unliked, and in a way it was emotionally traumatic for me to have to go to a place every day where I was actively excluded and ignored. I don't want to relive all that again, so it's why I get emotionally involved with my work colleagues and get deeply upset if I know someone at work doesn't like me.

Joining clubs, even if it's related to an interest of mine with other people of a similar neurology to me, doesn't seem to work for me. I've tried it before, when I was unemployed. I joined an arts and crafts group that mostly consisted of people with social problems (not necessarily just autism but like depression, anxiety and social anxiety, ADHD, etc). But I didn't really talk to anyone there and felt lonely, so I gave up going in the end. I find the workplace easier to make friends, as it just feels more natural.

I've never gone to a support group meeting or anything like that. I am high functioning enough to pass for NT and a lot of those events seem to be for those who cannot work, still live with their parents, and have problems much worse than mine.

In general, I find a lot of groups to be very cliquish, say hobby groups online. It seems like it's always 4-5 people that run the show and if they don't like you, you get railroaded out. Which is why I am always hesitant to join any group in person or online.

I'm really afraid to ask people to be friends. I feel people will likely say no to me and I don't like rejection because it has happened to me too times before.

bullies and jerks can happen anywhere, online or in person groups are no exceptions. I have had great interactions in groups like this one, and on FB, but like anything else you have to find others who speak your language.

I am peaceful and don't want to fight, believe I can live and let live even if we disagree, and that if we disagree it does not mean you and I are enemies.

I find that many groups want me to comply with their leaders word usage, social outlook, etc and that I am not welcome if I don't stand in the same line and sing the same song, metaphorically.

Civil interactions with others regardless of topic or subject/ belief or opinions is the mark of a well moderated/carefully tended group.

Like other things in life, some fit, others are not places I would want to stay. It probably depends a lot on the individual. I have not made "lifelong friends" or deep meaningful relationships on line, but I have a lot of fun with better known members of some of the groups I have belonged to for some time now (over 5 years for some of them). Keep looking, I think there is something out there for everybody!

I done volunteering once and after two years of going there regularly (I was unemployed then) a clique formed, and I hate cliques. The manager there had favourites, and two or three volunteers were her favourites and could do no wrong. I felt it big time and they started making me uncomfortable, so I had to leave. Their behaviour towards me knocked back my confidence - the very thing I was going there to build, as I was only 21 and still young and inexperienced.

Good luck with making friends in the workplace, if that works for you. I agree that making friends in the workplace can be very rewarding -- but it can also be very risky. If things go sour between you and a workplace friend, it can have nasty repercussions for you on the job. Also, if your friend gets fired for any reason, you will likely get fired too, merely because of your association with your friend.

I met my current and longest-lasting life partner on a job, from which we both got fired at the same time. (At that point we were not yet life partners or even close friends, but, nevertheless, closely associated enough to be seen as a single unit by the boss.)

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 18 Jul 2025, 12:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Groups naturally tend to be cliquish, unless they make a specific effort not to be.

Making friends in a cliquish group is possible, but requires great patience.

Back in my early-to-mid twenties, there was a group I attended every two weeks for about four months before I finally met a fellow newcomer who was interested in talking to me. She and I soon became best friends. (Unfortunately, she died several years later.)

I had a friend at work who got fired for taking drugs but they didn't fire me. Maybe it works differently in other countries but in the UK everyone is innocent until proven guilty.

The only mistake I made was with this guy I used to work with, and he still works there but does a different shift to me now. I thought he was a friend but turns out he's the biggest snitch out, and a hypocrite too. He loves reporting others even though he does the same things he reports others of doing. For example he once reported us for drawing a smiley face on a sheet of paper, but he wrote a juvenile comment under a notice that was put up about parking (even though he doesn't even have a car). He's very childish and weird, but he appeared to like me because he knew my partner so we just got on. Then once he started getting along with the bully, he kinda turned into a bully himself towards me. But he's someone you can't ever trust and he's very unpopular. The bully didn't like him either but he seemed to think the bully did.

There's an art to making friends in groups:

1) Only attend groups that are interesting to you in their own right, apart from the potential of making friends there. The group should revolve around a topic you want to learn about, or an activity that is fun for you, or a common goal that you believe in. The shared activity/topic/goal will provide natural fodder for conversations.

2) If it's an in-person group (or volunteer job), arrive early. Ideally, be the first or second person to arrive. This will give you a natural opportunity to have brief one-on-one conversations with fellow early birds.

3) Attend regularly. Become a familiar face.

4) Don't expect to find friends at the first one or two meetings you attend.

5) After you've attended 3 or 4 meetings, volunteer to help out the group in small ways, such as by being one of the people who sets up chairs before the meeting and then folds them after the meeting. This will likely cause other people in the group to take you more seriously.

This is one of the reasons why the autistic community needs more-specialized groups, in addition to just generic support groups. For example, we need:

1) Career-oriented groups for autistic people who work or want to work in some specific category of profession/occupation/job.
2) Hobby-oriented social groups for autistic people who share some specific hobby.

In groups like this, people will have more in common than just autism.

When I was 16 my mum got me to join a club for teenagers with disabilities, but I didn't fit in there, as everyone was severely affected and had things like level 2-3 autism or was severely impacted by learning disabilities. The volunteers there were nice and I found myself talking to them more, but because I was classed as one of the disabled kids I was sorting of babied by them. I knew they meant well, but I still felt a little embarrassed. I think I would have fared off better being one of the volunteers, as that would have been an ideal way to make friends, but nobody thought about that at the time, not even me. I was so used to adults making decisions for me, albeit well-meaning ones, I didn't really think for myself much. Plus I was only 16, so still a child at school.

I reckon I was the only person there who went to mainstream school, and please don't take this the wrong way but I did feel embarrassed going to the club and didn't want anyone from school to know I went there. Yes, to NT teenagers, being a member of a group for disabled teenagers isn't exactly cool or attractive. If I had been a volunteer there, as in a chaperone, then I would have been less embarrassed and more open about it.