Masking by being quiet

Post Reply New Topic

I do that. I used to just be outspoken and say a lot of things. I'd be way too honest. I was the reason my teacher had to explain what a parasite was. I had a huge argument with a teacher because they said we wouldn't know how to pronounce tongue if we read it. I got really upset. I used to be very outwardly mad. I remember getting really mad at my teacher because I couldn't finish a chapter of a book I was reading. I'd also sneak books that were for higher grades. I'd tell people random facts in the middle of class.

I got in huge arguments. I'd run away. I'd refuse to do things I was supposed to. Now I'm the same but on the inside. I'm really quiet. People think I'm shy but it's actually how I mask. When I get too comfortable I tend to overshare, tell people way too many anecdotes, not make as much eye contact, get argumentative etc.

I feel like If I'm quiet, people have less reason to dislike me. I can read social cues but sometimes I just really want to talk about my interests. It's like a loop sometimes. Or I am "intense". I can be too much for certain people. Now I only unmask around people I know won't be mad or make fun of me.

Yet I have all the inner feelings but keep them hidden. It gets bad and sometimes I unmask around the wrong people like talking rapidly to them, interrupting by accident etc. I even struggle around other autistic people..some. other autistic people get annoyed by me because I talk too much, get in their space too much by accident, get defensive sometimes etc..I feel bad. So I try to be more aware and stay quiet unless I think about it thoroughly. But it's not who I am.

It's a great subject. Yes, I masked by being quiet, but today I choose from time to time
to remain quiet so as to not draw attention to my autism. The former was unconsciously driven (pre Dx) the latter a conscious choice (post Dx)

I am drawn to the contemplative life because that's where I feel God's presence most abundantly. So silence can be both an ascape and also an encounter.

Warmly,

Chris.

At school I masked by being quiet. I was shy anyway and hated being the center of attention by lots of people, so that was why I slinked into the background and tried to just be good. This is why I didn't get diagnosed with ADHD until adulthood.

I can be a chatterbox around people I know well and of course online but otherwise I learned early on talking got me in trouble.

During childhood and my teen years it was either I talked too much or not enough which of course got me yelled at constantly. I still look back at some of my social screw ups and just cringe. During my teens in some situations, I came to find talking just wasn't worth it. I always got yelled at afterwards for saying the wrong thing or saying something weird. So, I decided when I had to go to one of these social events(like a family get together) I would speak if spoken but otherwise, I would be silent. Near the end of high school, I quit talking to most people, I was so done with the whole thing. All the knives I took in the back and the bullying from 6th grade until Senior year. Ugh F those people.


In my 20s, I got a little better, but I'd take a lot of stuff back if I could. Around 31 or so, I really started to wake up about how my behaviors and social ways were hurting me in life. Also, at this point I believe I was starting to realize that I was on the spectrum as well.

Around the time I turned 35, I decided I was done with people. Especially at work and having walked away from a toxic friendship outside of work. I thought, " what good is this doing me? No matter how hard I try I always seem socially mess up somehow".

At this time, we had a bit of a turnover of people at my workplace, a lot of people whom I had worked with for a long time left within about a year period. I started to socially withdrawal at this point, it felt a bit lonely, but it was a bit of a relief too.

At nearly 46 now, this will be likely the way things are going to stay for me. At work, I talk to maybe 4 or 5 people but I've gone a whole day without talking many times. In a sense it's masking as I feel I am hiding a lot of my personality but after soon many social blunders it just doesn't seem to worth it to go out of my way to talk to people.

Sometimes, I think I deserve the 1st place award for socially blundering convos, as soon I feel comfy in a convo will open up about things I see, associations ,I make . Or if a inquirey about myself or history depending on the day can " "bend anyone individuals ear clean off their Head" And alittle too late,, later I realized it was a time to Quietly mask .
And by then the person realizes that I might not be the ideal conversationalist..lolz . And thats the end of that.
Famous Quote : "Better to be silent, and a fool be thought ? Then to open ones mouth and remove all Doubt ". Benjamin Franklin One of the United States founding Fathers.

I masked by keeping quiet from Grades 9 to 11. I figured that if I kept quiet, nobody would find out what my special interests were. If the baddies didn't find out about my special interests, they couldn't tease me about them.

Sometimes I'm quiet because I have nothing to say and/or I'm distracted by the here and now of my surroundings, inwhich case I'm not masking. Quite the opposite really.
Sometimes I'm quiet because I'm nervous and/or figure that saying nothing means saying nothing wrong. It's easier. For similar reasons as OP, I have a long history of blunders so I'm not always confident that my next move will be the right one. And similar to cockneyrebel, I might be holding back talking about my favourite things because that's usually what I'm thinking about. So it results in saying nothing at all! I'm at my most effortlessly chatty with people who like the same things as me. For example meeting other regulars at the zoo, we're all there for the same reason and are all ape enthusiasts. I feel zero social anxiety or need to mask extra hard.

Sometimes I did that to mask. Sometimes it was and is a sort of shut down because I don't know what to do. In America masking by being quite is counterproductive because being quiet is frowned upon.

Masking with silence can be advantageous if it is done to avoid creating contention. If it is done to bottle up reflex reactions, it might have an unhealthy stress effect.

You might consider cultivating ways to express accumulated stress at a later time such as with exercise or other activity.

I'm new here. I just figured out I'm autistic. I've felt different all my life. Like I don't fit in. I find neurotypical people frustrating to communicate with. All their social cures and vague way of talking. I keep quiet for the most part. Sometimes so as to not put up with "why are you quiet", "are you ok". "why are you so serious". I will act weird and funny, but doing that is exhausting. I would rather keep quiet and do my job. Since I figured out I'm autistic I'm backing away from masking for now till I figure out who I am. Keeping quiet is much easier but has its annoyances. I'm so tired of hearing "your so weird" or "your odd". Just because I do things differently doesn't make me weird. I eat the same things everyday for lunch because it's easier and it's nutritious. After looking back I realize my dad was autistic. After he would come home from work he would head for the living room and stim all night long on his rocking chair. He would be doing four different stims at once. We all knew better then to go in that room after he got home. I'm similar after I get home from work I stim a lot too. But I'm not abusive like was. I'm into running and lifting I feel really grounded after the gym.

Being quiet makes you less of a target in school but in the workforce you come across disengaged.

Yep.

I used to be really talkative especially with people I was close to and wondered why people didn’t have much to say. I have done a lot of therapy in the last 5 years to learn emotion regulation, interpersonal effectiveness and distress tolerance that helped me feel like I had finally been given a logical way to act/react and navigate life. I realized I needed to tone down and think before speaking.

Then I went through a very abusive relationship that dismantled my learned skills. I have regressed so much. I barely talk anymore to anyone. Therapy is so overwhelming now.
Once in awhile my bubbly side comes out again or I’ll have a chat with an old friend and it feels so good but being quiet and unseen feels the most safe now and it definitely is not me at all.

I used to be the class clown or work clown at times. In about the last 10 years or so, I curbed a lot of it or nearly all of it. Now I hardly to talk to anyone at work, while it's lonely sometimes, it's better than having trouble come your way. If things were different, I'd love to work from home just to avoid dealing with co-workers. No matter what I do I always mess up socially in those situations.

I'm very quiet still as I learned from school to only speak when spoken to.

That's interesting to hear because throughout my life I felt like a target due to my quiet nature and barely having any friends.

There were instances during my school days of bullies coming up to me and insult me or insult behind my back while I was all alone. Even as an adult I feel like my co-workers and bosses treat me differently due to being an introvert in a very social setting. Definitely a power imbalance issue.